*hug*
Thanks Monique, and everybody. Sorry I haven't commented since... 3 weeks ago. I made a new post though as sort of a follow-up (http://www.tckid.com/group/overtired-andor-just-unusually-tired-follow-up-post-1-to-goodbye-best-friend/). Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Season Greetings whether you have winter weather or summer weather or artificial white Christmas shopping weather (with palm trees in the background).

aww!! Hun i understand that! ive been thru it recently with some people who i was close to for ages. It seems like because im so used to moving geographically and losing friends, after about 2 years MAX if someone is still around, i freak out that THEY're gonna ditch me, and i push them away preemptively. Friendships are really hard and i understand how much it hurts when you cant maintain a friendship with someone you were really really close to. *HUGS*

Your never-be-bothered-to-try friend story sounds familiar... ah! You were the one who wrote the "Cattts Blog: When is enough, enough?" post. I remembered the content but not the title or your name, sorry. I'm terrible with names. ^^;

This is my first post, and my first comments, to tckid.com but I've been lurking and reading here and there a bit.

But, back to this; I think it does help a bit, what you said.
If I were to compare my case with both of yours... it's kind of in between your two situations... or maybe it isn't and maybe I know it isn't but it's more like one (a little) and/but it just feels a little more like the other (the worser) sometimes.

We both (still) want the same thing, I think, or so that's how it sounds and so that's what we said in not extremely vague terms -- or so I hope; or at least it came to light, a call or two ago, that they thought I wanted something different so we revisited that and I tried again to explain and I think we're now on the same page for that (at least; or at least a little but I think we are) again.

Are we making the effort though?
Right now right at this point or time I don't know if we are, but then as well I'm not really sure if or how much we can (actively make the effort or make an active effort). Can the mere fact that I don't think either of us has really given up on it yet be taken as a tiny bit of effort? And / I mean we still talk, things went silent for a few days after "goodbye" but then I txt'd when something seemed a little "off" (or maybe I just worry), we're just... not talking a Lot, and we're both kind of busy right now / this week / right now -- I know I said "right now" twice -- and maybe we're both a little drained and have little in way of (emotional) reserve/s to draw from at the moment, partly because of this maybe and from other stuff in our own lives.

I'm also going away for a few days tomorrow, sort of a retreat -- going up to a place where (if I remember right) the air is cool, the sunrises and sunsets are beautiful, and where there's no wifi (unfortunately, but this may also be good). And I just found out, between the start of this comment and the posting of it / during writing, they're going for a beach trip weekend.

Will we talk during then while we're away? I can't say. I think I'm going to (try and) leave that up to them, and if they don't txt me or anything... well, we'll see, it may be good to have a rest.

...I might "cave", but I'll limit it to a txt unless I get one first or if I get one back.
Though I kind of hate it -- that I do -- when it's something wrong between us, I (almost) always cave first between the two of us, even when it feels like I've told them this that I don't like it, aka being the one to bring stuff up, a number of times before.

I just, among other things, (really) hate feeling like I'm the only one bringing the crap up when the crap is stuff between or related to us, why do I always have to be the one to bring it up? I don't Like bringing stuff up, but...I do know a bit of why it happens... I just don't like it or agree with it; it doesn't feel equal to me and it doesn't really feel very fair. But I guess some things are hard to change.

well, if it helps anyway, when i was going through that rough patch with my friend, i felt the exact same way. I was down for ages about the whole thing, and everything else suffered for it.

However,if it helps, to make the comparison, i did have one friendship that i ended up giving up completely on. She was my best friend at the time, but when i moved, everytime i came back to visit she would blow me off, sometimes, after id been waiting for her for ages.

there was a difference between the two situations. she never bothered trying, i was the one who always called and made the effort in the conversations, i got zilch from her. With the guy, even though he blew me off, he still txt me everyonce in a while, or talked to me on msn.

I think you both just need to find your half way point, and hope that they meet at the same place.
If you are both making the effort, it will work out. there was a reason you became friends. you shouldnt loose sight of that. The trick is to just persevere and keep trying.

I don't know what's best for me, giving up and not giving up just... both seemed to be a path of hurt. Part of the reason I felt like I should give up was that it didn't feel like I/we were getting anywhere with the mess and I only seemed to be getting upset and doing things or saying things that makes them upset which made me further upset. I kept feeling like I was messing up, not at Every Opportunity I get and from the Get Go but often enough, and I may have been beginning to hate and detest them or feel a little like I was maybe but really I'm just very tired and frustrated with the whole situation + very tired of, and feeling like crap because, I was upsetting them / the both of us and it felt like maybe the problem was/is me. I keep feeling like / thinking every now and again that it'd be easier or this problem wouldn't even exist if it wasn't me, if it was them and someone else or if I were more open and less guarded and/or whatever. ...if I were like other people. That might very well be true... but I guess in that case too... well, if I were "(just) like other people" I wouldn't be me.

Right now, I just wish I was or felt a little more sure that we will work this out and get past it. But it's very hard to imagine that things will work out and get back to how I/we want or wanted them to be when it feels like you can't even communicate on the problem to begin with -- we did, a little I think, in another call on Sunday night (shitty start of it and first half, but that led into a second half which was better / may have been worth the first half of the conversation); but still too early to tell how this is going to turn out... and on top of this, now I've fallen sick. Just. Great.

(I'm glad you two / you and your friend worked it out in the end, and that you're still really close with him. I just hope we work this out too somehow.)

Yeah I know the feeling. I almost 'broke up' with a very close friend of mine once. I'd gone to visit him a few times, and he ended up changing his plans last minute, almost every time.
In the end I was honest and told him I couldnt be friends with him if he wasnt going to put in equal amounts of effort in keeping our friendship, because i'd been through it before and it was too painful an experience. It's never fun giving up on someone you care about, even though its the best thing for YOU.
In the end we worked things out. took some time and work, but we got there. We are still really close, and I'm glad we worked things out. sometimes just laying all your cards on the table is the only way to work things out.

Oh, and I forgot to say, thanks -- Cattt and diamond, and Brice.

Cattt - well, it's still definitely on-going, but I hope it works out too. Small hope still alive and maybe flickering a bit more brightly than when I said goodbye, but... I'm still (a bit) wary, and maybe I dare not / want to try not to hope too much just yet....

diamond - heh, thanks, it kind of feels like everyone else around me has close or closer friends than I have and many are attached / involved in romantic relationships, and it feels like most if not all my friends would just not understand what I'm going through. It feels like they'd either think it stupid of me to value this friendship so much and be so hurt by it, to this degree, or like they'd just simplify it so much -- too much, and put it into their terms or how they think with people like them and people they know... people who aren't... me or like me.

And Brice... I just forgot to say thanks to you as well I think, heh.

Sorry... seems like every attempt I try to type out a reply it just... Explodes in wordcount.
Here's a bit (pasted between the four hyphen dividers) of the latest attempt; well, what I wrote Before it exploded as well.
- - - -
I can't put it down into words, not without going into a lot more detail (or at least a lot more words, and possibly more detail than I want to share which may result in either a slightly shorter reply or a longer one) and just... spilling out everything in a much more rambly string of text -- I guess that usually tends to more happen when things "spill over" too which is usually when I crack and say something, else I just try and keep quiet -- and even Then right now I... can't. 1. It's even less possible for me to be concise about this than usual, and 2. I can't even pin it down into words without a word limit of any sort.
It just feels so... heavy and tangled and possibly Feels Huge even if it isn't or wouldn't seem that way to someone else.

And:
-- It's Hard for me to bring stuff up.

-- I've been trying to bring this up for a while.

-- I Don't feel Heard. Which hurts.
It feels like it doesn't get through to them at all now; or even if it does, or even if any of it does, it doesn't seem to stick.

And... it doesn't even feel like it's at all important to them, it's just important to me, and it feels like they don't get (even) that.

- - - -
At the moment / How things are right now: I no longer know how to act with them, how to talk to them, or how far a distance to push myself from them if I have to.
I really want to talk about things/this with them but I can't, either because I Can't (or don't know how to, and I really don't) or because they never seem to be around much these days to begin with.
We talked since I sent the e-mail, a Little bit, maybe mostly not about it or this. I guess it's gone back to that stage of things.
All in all, to end this comment, I'm (Really) unsure.

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about this sadness in your life. I recently went through some "break ups" that weren't really "break ups". So I hear you. I just want to say that it does get better. Time will help.
Well, take care.

whatever it is, i hope it all works out. take care of yourself!

Heey, thanks for sharing this. Many of us have gone through saying goodbyes and cutting off ties. It hurts. It's a loss that we have to grieve for.

You're free to express yourself here anonymously. That's what the forum is for.

Can you share more about what happened? Are you avoiding your friend because you don't want to get hurt? What is the root of the problem?