Typical Conversation
Buy Elimite Online Prevacid Without Prescription Ultram No Prescription Prevacid For Sale Ultram Generic Buy Prednisone Online Toprol XL Without Prescription Amoxil No Prescription Elimite For Sale Cipro GenericThis is a conversation I go through every time I meet a new person, and I was wondering if all TCK’s go through something similar.
Me: Hi, my name is -
Person: Nice to meet you, -, I’m –. So, where are you from?
Me: I’m French-American, but I move around a lot.
Person: Oh really! Wow, you’re so lucky! I’m so jealous,
Me: Yeah… [fidgets awkwardly]
Person: So what languages do you speak?
Me: French, Spanish, English, and Chinese.
Person: Oh, wow, you must be such a genius!
Me: Not really, I kind of had to.
Person: So do you like moving so much?
Me: It has its good and bad sides.
Person: More good than bad, I bet, right? Oh my God, I’m so jealous, you are so lucky, I wish I did that, my life is so boring…. [on and on about how lucky I am]
That sad thing is that I have this very same conversation. Every. Single. Time. I meet someone. I hate it! I have come to absolutely despise meeting new people just because they can never think of anything original to say, it’s always on and on about how lucky I am, yaddi yaddi ya. Seriously, is there some kind of script that I’m not aware of that tells people that this is exactly what they’re supposed to say when someone tells them they move around? And what kind person says, “Oh, you must be such a genius!” How do you respond to that? “Yeah, I guess so,” and they think you’re arrogant, “Or no, not really, circumstances kind of forced me to.” and then they talk about how lucky you are until you wish you had said “yes” just so that they would leave you alone. I wish people would just not ask me where I’m from, I hate that question and the ensuing conversation so much.
anonymoustck anonymoustck
13 Comments to “Typical Conversation”
October 25th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Hmmm… The funny thing is I find the opposite is true. For me, it’s a let-down because I live in a suburb in Connecticut, 1.5 hours from New York City, and people here tend to have been born here, they grew up here, they will probably never leave. In other words, not the most curious batch of folks. Here I am, speaking in Spanish with my 4 yr old and 7 yr old children - and I’m very blonde, my kids also quite fair - and people rarely ask what our deal is. I would actually welcome the conversation you are sick of. If I meet someone with an accent, I always ask them about their background and have had some very interesting conversations. The difference in your and my perceptions is probably due to the fact that in general, I feel people are on auto-pilot in their own little suburban parent world; you are probably in a more awake atmosphere. Anyway my advice to you is when the typical questions begin, turn the conversation around to the speaker. Everyone wants to talk about themselves! Say something like “yes, I’m very grateful for all the opportunities I have been given to travel and learn about new cultures. If you could go anywhere you wanted, where would it be?” And then you switch the tone of the conversation. Good luck!
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October 25th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I know this conversation and I don’t like it. It’s like every time I meet new people I have to explain my life to them! If I talk too much about it, they make me feel like a show-off. So I’ve been talking less about my life and I know more about everyone else. But now I’m the mysterious girl.
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October 25th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
I hate it too. I mean it’s pure luck -as much as we like it, it doesn’t really mean anything.
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October 26th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
OMG, this very conversation happened to me AGAIN, last night! Spent the entire hour, in the car coming home from a party, debriefing with my gamer husband, who suggested a new strategy. That is, you respond:
“I’ve lived a number of places. I am particularly fond of _Country X_ because of _Characteristic Y_.”
This response has the important virtue of presenting obvious avenues for continuing a two-way conversation. Miss Manners would argue that whether it is a 100% full and accurate response is actually completely irrelevant. The important thing is to continue a two-way conversation.
A convenient side benefit of this response is that you can easily avoid becoming a show-and-tell object, as you can move the conversation back onto a specific topic (_Characteristic Y_) or you can ask follow up questions to the other person about their own experience with Y.
I’ll let you all know how it works out, next time I have an opportunity to try it!
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October 26th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
@anayawa: I know how you feel. Just be careful as to not isolate yourself from people because you’re not sharing anything about you (Iḿ talking by my own experience).
I think there has to be a balance between telling them a little about your life and then asking them about theirs, like trimama said. It’s the sharing that connects people.
From what I’ve experienced and read here from other TCKs, there are certain people with whom you can share more and others with whom you don’t need to share so much. We have to learn how to assess how interested/open-minded a person really is.
@anonymous:
I know how you feel. I also feel uncomfortable when people say I’m lucky or that I’m good at something (like learning new languages). Because of that I’ve learned to be very humble, I rarely brag about anything (but the bad part is I became intolerant of people who do, which is hard when you live in an appearences-oriented culture).
I think the sharing (like I’ve mentioned before) or coming up with a funny remark to change the subject is also a good idea.
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October 26th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Okay, so my husband is continuing to shout advice into my ear, so I’ll let him tell you directly. His name is Peter. Here he is…
Hi, everyone! This is me, Peter.
I would further comment that I chose those words carefully.
The point is that you can choose a country/place to name based on your mood or audience. You are stating that you are “fond” of that locale, not declaring a loyalty or even favoritism. You are not deceiving anyone, but offering a concrete topic for conversation.
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October 26th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Very good advice Peter!
Even in an un-patriotic country (when compared to the US) like Brazil, people tend to get offended and defensive if they think you are demonstrating loyalty to another country (because they think you are supposed to love ONLY your “home” country).
Once more it’s the ability to assess the other person and come up with a remark that changes the subject and approaches them to you.
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October 26th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I get that a lot, and it IS an awkward situation. But I think that it could be a good situation for the other person to possibly learn about your culture(s) and perhaps broaden their horizons a bit.
… I don’t know, but I feel your awkwardness!
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October 27th, 2008 at 1:47 am
The best way to ruin a script is improvisation. Don’t make yourself a victim of the conversation, be proactive and ask the other person questions.
Also when they say things like “Oh you must be a genius then” you should not answer with “yes” or “no I just had to”. You should answer with a question, that way they can’t ask their next question. For example, aks them if they speak any other languages. Generally people will answer with “I took X class in school” or “I speak X language” and that way you can start asking them other questions or find out about their language background or life in general and take some of the pressure off of the conversation.
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October 27th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Hello anonymous,
I totally understand your situation. I get that a lot but I did what Elizabeth suggested - say something so that they won’t be able to ask the next question.
Having lived in Shanghai for 2 years after schooling I am able to meet a lot of people that knows what it’s like to live in a foreign country even if China is their first so even though I get into that sort of conversation a lot it was more like “So do you have a favorite country?” or “What language do you find hardest to learn?” etc.
However when I come back to the States and I meet new people who leads me into this type of conversation I just smile and shrug or I will say things like “But in the US they make you learn foreign languages too right?” and I get modest responses like “Nah, that doesn’t help me with anything.” And like trimama said, make them talk about themselves!
It always works.
trimama - your mentioning of living in Connecticut caught my attention because I am in Connecticut too! Do you mind me asking whereabouts in CT you are in?
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October 27th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
ROTFL!!!
Not only that conversation… but then I have to explain the meaning/origin of my name! I had it memorized. I even spell my name out in sign language to make fun of how simple it is.
Next question would be: “Are you crazy!!??”
A: “No. Just a PK, MK, TCK.”
Q: “What’s that?”
A: *rolls eyes* “Don’t ask.”
Q: “But I just did…”
-=END TRANSMISSION=-
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October 28th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Cynthia - I’m in Southbury, CT. Where are you?? Are you on facebook?
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November 6th, 2008 at 4:34 am
LoL. Mine usually goes something like this:
Other person: So, where are you from in the States?
Me: I’m not from the States.
Other person: Where are you from?
Me: I’m from Ghana but I grew up in Japan.
Other person: You speak good English.
Me: No shit, Ghana’s language is ENGLISH.
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