The War of the Cultures
Hi
Sorry to clog up the board with more of my personal same-issues. But i’m STILL (!) struggling with the concept of possible belonging to three cultures when society pressures you to belong to one.
I was at a foreign language bookshop today with my friends and a friend was saying how her mother (who i think, works for Allicane Français) is looking for young female assistants who speak French and that she could ask her mum to interview me if my French is good enough. She then asked me how it was. I replied by saying that i can walk into a store and hold a conversation and people do not know that i am not French.
Then i shrugged and said “Y’know, just like i can be here in Australia and i can pass off as an Aussie.” I said it without thinking, half concentrating on the conversation and half on the books. There was a silence broken by my exclamation of “Ooohh! Look - Tintin!” And a friend saying “What do you mean you can ‘pass off’ as being an Aussie? I mean — hello!”
And then, there it was again. My three cultures warring inside me. I did not know what to say. I did not have the words, the vocabulary, the means by which to make them *understand* how i can be so conflicted.
I do not *feel* Australian. But i know that when i am overseas i realise that some part of me is culturally Australian. I get the humour, the social cues within the different social classes. I can’t even articulate how i am so different, even to myself.
I don’t feel comfortable enough to say that i am only from Australia, because i always see myself one step behind everyone else. I don’t feel comfortable enough to say that i solely American because my accent will betray me as will my lack of knowledge of one of my ‘hometowns’ - Los Angeles. I hate the fact that the American holidays mean virtually nothing to me.
With Mauritius, my mother always made sure that we spoke French and could speak wih our relations. She fostered a love of the country in me. But i went further. Even at the age of 8 and especially again at 13 i realised that Mauritius has been the one ‘constant’ in my life — which is partly why i feel so connected to it, apart from the fact that my family lives there. Between the moves - from the US to Australia we always returned there.
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I was reading about being a ‘hidden immigrant’ in the TCK book.
I was wondering if it is possible to be one both inside and outside your passport/home countries? For example, i identify with other cultures when i am in Australia but when i am outside of Australia i dentify partly with Australian culture?
Any comments? Thoughts? Shared experiences?
February 5th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Oh, absolutely- I completely agree there’s this stigma with people not understanding that you don’t come from anywhere- and then, when they are still uncomfortable with the fact, they just brush it off with ‘well, where were you born?’ or ‘what’s your passport?’, which suddenly neatly puts you as someone who watches ‘home and away’ 5 days a week and eats vegemite.
Sorry to rant, but I really think the non-TCK community has a lot to answer for in the depression stakes.
If they read our bio’s on the back of a book, they’re inclined to coo and say ‘how exotic’, but then when confronted with a r/l TCK, they just knock you back or down… All we can console ourselves is ‘well, we do know better’ and skulk off.
We have to remember that our lack of being part of the society we’re in is actually a product of us not socialising with TCK’s. Could you imagine your friends in a room full of TCKs?
Who’d be the nutjob then?
Keep the faith- it’s really not bad being a TCK, but it takes extraordinary patience and education- but try to keep with the flock just to remind yourself you’re not alone…
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February 6th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Hey
Thanks for the reply. I’m usually okay with it, it just hits me sometimes.
Speaking of Home and Away, i have only ever watched one full episode and i had no idea what was going on.
All i got was that Bec Cartwright - Lleyton Hewitt’s wife — was abducted by some cult and her bf as he was searching for her said the most terrible line “When you love someone you just know what to do!.” That has stayed in my memory all these years. Whoa — great going Australia!
Besides, i only ever knew Neighbours.
Speaking of Begemite… it is said that those raised on it love it and that the ‘foreigners’ when they come here hate it. I hated it throughout my childhood and it is only recently that i can eat it albeit sparingly — on toast with lots of butter! My mother however, did not grow up with it and loves it.
And licorice… i adore!
Man, i would LOVE to get my friends in a room full of TCKs. We’d all be abbreviating everything — “Oh, you’re TCK? Me too!So are you an MK or what?”
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February 6th, 2008 at 3:47 am
It’s a pain in the ass when you have to watch what you say with your own friends. In the long run you kind of learn to avoid saying certain things just so you don’t create these ’situations’, but it just builds a wall between your friend and you.
*sigh*
By the way I’m a Vegemite eater because I picked it up while when I was living in New Zealand. Most of my friends think that it’s like rubbing dog turd on your toast and eating it…so I naturally avoid having it when people can’t cope with eating it - just like I do with lots of other types of food.
I mean can you really enjoy eating something when other people at the table are giving you these ‘looks’? But I’m a TCK and can adjust to most food habits around the world so I just eat whatever isn’t offensive to the people around me at the time
Sorry I went off in a tangent. This thread wasn’t about Vegemite lol
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February 6th, 2008 at 7:56 am
isa i feel you! for a long time most if not all of my friends were tck for this very purpose. or i would not talk about my tcks experiences in front of non tcks.
for me its always the language thing. why and how can i not speak my ‘mother tongue’ fluently. there are many reasons that i can give that may make sense to the person asking, but the fact of the matter is, i speak it well enough to get by and really it doesn’t bother me that i am not fluent. i lived in ethiopia for 7 years and have lost all my amhara, and yet no one gives me shit about that. i hate the assumption that because i hold a passport to this country i have to follow all the (imaginary) rules and regulations. cizens come in all shpaes and colours, global village blah, blah, blah…get used to it!!!
so yeah, i can still have my moments of utter defensiveness, because when folks don’t understand you they can get offensive. when people are so set in their ways that if you are aussie, you have to be A, B and C and when you admit to not feeling that, they get offended. what is that?
anywho, yes, i have had mono friends in a room full of tcks, luckily my mono friends are very cool, most of them travellers and very open minded. but once i had this mono boyfriend who couldn,t deal with it and would spend the whole time in a corner sulking into his beer or something. what fun!
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February 6th, 2008 at 8:55 am
I’ve had the odd experience of that. Right now I’m surrounded by, if not TCKs, relatively international people, so they’re quite happy to call me “that guy from everywhere”, even though a lot of people are like that here.
Though now and then, a friend visits Europe from the US, and they visit me if they get the opportunity. So far that’s happened twice. One girl came to visit me in Zurich, and met my internationalized family, and was surprised. The other met my family, and a CCK friend who came to Zurich with me that weekend.
It’s actually a little sad to watch how little they might have to say when people who are really aware of international things are all talking. Because you know that they’re good people despite short horizons.
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February 6th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
“I do not *feel* Australian. But i know that when i am overseas i realise that some part of me is culturally Australian. I get the humour, the social cues within the different social classes.”
That’s exactly how I feel with all Hong Kong, Singapore, India and England. You’ve captured it perfectly - I *get* social cues and nuances in each of the places, but don’t feel qualified enough to choose any one over the other as my exclusive “where I come from” place.
The reaction of your friend is pretty much the same as I get from mine in England - “What do you mean pass off…”. I know.
Most importantly however, Marmite FOREVER RULES over Vegemite.
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February 6th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
@Starburst- Just a thought- I know what you mean re: ‘not feeling qualified’, but I’m actually thinking it has more to do with you not sharing the viewpoints of your Aussie peers; and as a result, you don’t identify with them; like you say, you’re ‘qualified’ to, but not the same as…
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February 6th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hmmm, yeah. I can identify comfortably and happily - but only to an extent. And I guess that extent is plainly visible to me, but not so plain to the naked eye of the natives.
I guess.
Ah well. I’ll always have Marmite to cheer me up of a morning.
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February 6th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Dude. I’ll look over the Vegemite snub (why Marmite? Its so weak tasting!) because you have a Monty Python icon.
“I have a great fwiend in Wome…”
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February 6th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Ha ha. Fair enough!
To be honest, it’s probably conditioning: both Mar and Vege mites were available in Singapore. My parents happened to pop more Mar into the trolley. And I don’t get any Vegemite living in the UK now.
Fair dues to the Vege though - it fills a hole like very few other things can.
The nurses where I work sometimes mix Marmite into hot water like Bovril - I personally think this is a step too far.
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