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The War of the Cultures
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Hi
Sorry to clog up the board with more of my personal same-issues. But i’m STILL (!) struggling with the concept of possible belonging to three cultures when society pressures you to belong to one.
I was at a foreign language bookshop today with my friends and a friend was saying how her mother (who i think, works for Allicane Français) is looking for young female assistants who speak French and that she could ask her mum to interview me if my French is good enough. She then asked me how it was. I replied by saying that i can walk into a store and hold a conversation and people do not know that i am not French.
Then i shrugged and said “Y’know, just like i can be here in Australia and i can pass off as an Aussie.” I said it without thinking, half concentrating on the conversation and half on the books. There was a silence broken by my exclamation of “Ooohh! Look - Tintin!” And a friend saying “What do you mean you can ‘pass off’ as being an Aussie? I mean — hello!”
And then, there it was again. My three cultures warring inside me. I did not know what to say. I did not have the words, the vocabulary, the means by which to make them *understand* how i can be so conflicted.
I do not *feel* Australian. But i know that when i am overseas i realise that some part of me is culturally Australian. I get the humour, the social cues within the different social classes. I can’t even articulate how i am so different, even to myself.
I don’t feel comfortable enough to say that i am only from Australia, because i always see myself one step behind everyone else. I don’t feel comfortable enough to say that i solely American because my accent will betray me as will my lack of knowledge of one of my ‘hometowns’ - Los Angeles. I hate the fact that the American holidays mean virtually nothing to me.
With Mauritius, my mother always made sure that we spoke French and could speak wih our relations. She fostered a love of the country in me. But i went further. Even at the age of 8 and especially again at 13 i realised that Mauritius has been the one ‘constant’ in my life — which is partly why i feel so connected to it, apart from the fact that my family lives there. Between the moves - from the US to Australia we always returned there.
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I was reading about being a ‘hidden immigrant’ in the TCK book.
I was wondering if it is possible to be one both inside and outside your passport/home countries? For example, i identify with other cultures when i am in Australia but when i am outside of Australia i dentify partly with Australian culture?
Any comments? Thoughts? Shared experiences?
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19 Responses to “The War of the Cultures”
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February 6th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
While that’s true… At the same time we claim something of them, don’t we?
And that’s the upside. While I might not be a good American, or Vietnamese, or Indonesian, or whatever… I can be a bad one, which is more of one than other people. So there come the times when I feel perfectly fine taking multiple sides of an argument.
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February 6th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Is true.
I feel like being TCK is like being a Venn diagram with multiple circles. You inhabit the overlapping bits and can understand and relate to each of the exclusive bits in turn because of your vantage point.
Heh ‘overlapping bits’ - notice the precise mathematical terminology.
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February 7th, 2008 at 1:14 am
I just had a thought to do with this…
Maybe it’s easier for me given my setting, but maybe it’ll be easier for you…
In history and political science, we’re taught that the principle of Liberalism (in the *real* political sense) is that cooperation is better than conflict. Two sides of an argument will generally gain more out of compromising and cooperating than disagreeing.
So why see it as a “War of Cultures?” I know that often other people don’t see it that way, but there’s nothing wrong with not being a good Australian, as I see it, since if you can be a little bit foreign but not too much, that makes you more interesting.
Besides, we can’t always blame other people for our misgivings or disappointments. Sometimes you just have to make the best of it.
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February 7th, 2008 at 1:39 am
In a way, Isa - you don’t have a problem. You can be whatever you want. The only thing we have trouble changing is our passport and the visa situations that come with it. Sadly, there are no provisions for TCKs in this world regarding that.
You don’t have to be truthful all the time to people about who you are if it disturbs them. It’s like going to a job interview. Who on earth tells the truth when they’re at one of those? There are certain responses that they want to hear and if you know what these are, you give them willingly knowing that you’re full of BS.
You can deal with this situation in a similar way - just so one remark doesn’t get into the way of the rest of your life!
Hope this makes sense.
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February 7th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I get what you’re saying. I sometimes “feel” American, even though I dont have a passport or permanent residency or anything and get so hassled when entering the country. However when I am in the US, I sometimes feel so non-American… hard to explain…
“well, where were you born?’ or ‘what’s your passport?”…as for these questions… if people take these questions as determining “where I am from” it’s only like a third of the story. because I am not even a citizen of the country I was born in and hadnt been back since birth and then my passport country…complicated…
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February 7th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I have two passports, but I wasn’t born, nor did I grow up in either. I can be objective & look at both countries with as much objectivity as any other country (a typical TCK trait). This seems to surprise others. They seem to feel that because I have a ____ passport, I am being “un-____” if I criticize anything about it.
I find that I don’t have many friends who are my countrymen UNLESS they’re TCKs. Otherwise, my countrymen find me too un-____.
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February 8th, 2008 at 4:49 am
hey Isa… I know how you feel about this war inside of you.
I’ve had that too for years, without even having the words for it (basically I just thought I was a ‘wierdo’ who couldn’t ‘fit in’).
Are you able to get to the thought of “I’m both and none at the same time”? After I learned about TCK and later joined this group, how I feel and view my cultural identity has been maturing. It’s hard to explain with words, but I feel like I’m getting closer to really knowing who I am.
I started with stardust’s thought of “intersection”, but now I’m feeling more like scattered peices of each culture.
It’s hard to explain with words, but what I wanted to say is: keep exploring yourself and this TCK group, and I think you’ll find your “peace of cultures”.
With regards to what other people say/think, I know it’s hard. I still would rather not talk to people about my muticulturality (and pass off as a Brazilian), but at least now I’m feeling more secure **inside** of who I am. And then I think with time I’ll feel more confortable talking about it to people.
I think there’s no other good way of comming out of that conversation (the “What do you mean you can ‘pass off’ as being an Aussie? I mean — hello!”) than explaining about TCK (maybe not directly, but by telling the story of your life). And if they go “oh, but you were so young”, tell them that there is research about this stuff and social scientists and anthropologysts back you up, it’s not just something you made up.
But people can be “as dumb as a door” (as they say here in Brazil), so maybe this might not be a very good idea - I tried it with my dad and it worked a bit but who knows how it would be with your peers.
And I don’t get why they’re so defensive about it either, it’s as if you’re betraying them or something.
Ok, I think I talked a lot but didn’t say much… I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I’m also going through this identity confusion/discovery. We’ll get through it!!!
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February 13th, 2008 at 12:20 am
‘And a friend saying “What do you mean you can ‘pass off’ as being an Aussie? I mean — hello!”’
That would definitely tick off any TCK and definitely for me. I mean who are they to judge who I am you know? Which is probably why none of my closest friends would talk to me like that LOL
Being in China is quite an experience because people see me as Taiwanese and from that they see me as Chinese where as a matter of fact I feel as Chinese as they do American. However when people make comments like that when I say stuff like what you did I just ignore those comments. Because they don’t know me.
As TCKs, I think we shouldn’t let what other people think of us affect how we think of ourselves. Which is why we have this website, this community - to help us validate our inner feelings, the “war” that we have. To know that it is indeed ok to be a part of various different cultures.
“I was wondering if it is possible to be one both inside and outside your passport/home countries? For example, i identify with other cultures when i am in Australia but when i am outside of Australia i dentify partly with Australian culture?”
TOTALLY possible! I always feel like that. I never feel Taiwanese when I’m in Taiwan but I guess a good thing about Taiwan is people do understand that you may not relate completely to the culture because there are a lot of overseas Taiwanese that would return to Taiwan for vacation. The hardest I have is being OUTSIDE of Taiwan, quite ironically. People would assume I am 100% Taiwanese for holding the passport. But then again, why should I care what they think? I mean I don’t live for them to judge me right?
I enjoy being a TCK and enjoy the fact that I can be of many cultures and not have to be like them, trying to fit everyone in a box so that it will be easier for THEM to identify.
Just my 2 rmb pennies hehe…
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April 19th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Girl, just holla at me via email please:
msmerising@yahoo.com
You ARE me in a weird way…I get what you are saying. My fam is Croatian, I grew up along the Eastern sea board and I now live in Los Angeles. And my ideas of racism in Australia dramatically differ from people in Australia so we have much to build on.
Excuse my slang…I speak like a dozen hybrids of English,lol…
M
x
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