The only TCK in the family
It started out as intra-country movements - I lived in Malaysia for the first 14 years of my life. In that time, my parents took me out of my birth city, Kuala Lumpur (KL), when I was only over a year old, to another city called Johor Bahru which is only a 30-minute drive to Singapore. I lived there for most of my childhood and I remember our monthly trips to Singapore.
When I was 10, it was time to move again to a small city called Ipoh. As a kid, the moving did not affect me much. In fact, when I was at school in Ipoh I had such a terrible time there and wanted to leave. At 14, I was very happy to hear that my father had been appointed a position at the Malaysian Consulate in Medan, Indonesia and consequently I was to move with my parents to Indonesia.
Culturally there are similarities between Malaysia and Indonesia but Medan was something completely different and unexpected. The widespread and extreme poverty really struck me; it was the first time I was exposed to that. I remember the adults claiming how things are so much better in Malaysia; now I realise that many expats talk about how things are better in their countries, a viewpoint I do not wish to have. Indonesia opened up my eyes and moving there is one of the best things that has happened to me.
At first, I missed Malaysia for a bit because it was a bit hard adjusting due to little things like having no car, no shops within walking distance and the pollution which caused me to get sick several times in the first few months there. However, I thoroughly enjoyed going to school - it’s a very small international school, had only about 80 kids from K1 to Grade 10 during my time there. The school was about the only thing that kept me sane, I remember my reluctance to return home at the end of the school day.
In the first year, I didn’t realise there was a change happening in me until we went back to KL (where the family house is) over the summer holidays. My immediate and extended family constantly criticised and made fun of me because I was living in Indonesia. The way they see it is that Malaysia is superior to other countries in Southeast Asia, which is utterly stupid and bigoted.
Anyway, I basically loved everything about the school - the subjects, the relaxed classroom atmosphere, the support given to the students, the school trips and learning about the many different cultures of Indonesia, the service activities…everything about it. We were supposed to move back to Malaysia after 3 years but it really hit me after my first year there that I could not go back to Malaysia and back to the Malaysian education system. The fact that my family is not privileged money-wise didn’t make it easy. However, to make a long story short, I ended up boarding at an international school in Chiang Mai, Thailand, where I completed my secondary schooling.
Whenever I go back to Malaysia, I feel foreign there. I’ve moved so much and have lost contact with friends from my childhood and early teen years. The last time I met up with a few of them, I realised that Malaysians have a completely different mindset that I don’t relate to at all and now I no longer talk to them. I don’t have friends in Malaysia and I don’t feel at home at all in Malaysia.
It is very, very hard to be the only TCK in the whole family. Everything I do is wrong in my family’s view as the family is very conservative. They simply do not understand and they cannot understand because they refuse to open up their minds.
My life is currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand, which is a place I’m fond of. I’m still at the school I attended in Chiang Mai now but as a staff member. I’m working out things for university because going back to live in Malaysia would be my worst nightmare. I’ve been lucky because the boarding parents at the school are very supportive and I have my own little family here. Two of the boarding parents are like my surrogate parents, I call them Mum and Dad for laughs sometimes.
Anyway, on a lighter note, I intend to keep moving through working in the development field, settling down doesn’t exist in my books at the moment.
P/S: Please don’t think that I’m a depressed sod - life is good.
December 30th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Toodles?? hahaha… Its not undying love, idiot.. More like sibling love.. hahaha…
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December 30th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Not interested in your loving, mmkay. Go find someone else to be your victim. I’m off.
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December 30th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Oh actually it was just a regular school field trip to visit Chiangmai. We didn’t visit schools
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December 30th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Welcome Aisyah! I’ve been to Malaysia before, and I have friends in Indonesia..
LOL, anyways, ignore that. Welcome to tckid
I can relate to you, somewhat. I mean, I’m not the only TCK in my family, although my sisters are pretty conservative. I’m the more open minded one in the family, and I usually get criticised by own family.. however, it wasn’t as hard as your situation back then..
Well, hope to talk to you later
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December 31st, 2007 at 4:05 am
Singapore. The ultimate Third Culture Country for the Third Culture Kid. I was born in Thailand and also lived in Malaysia for two years, and Singapore was by far the most cosmopolitan place I’ve ever lived. New York was also pretty cosmopolitan but less World-encompassing. Doesn’t the food sum it up? Go to the Hawker stalls under Takashimaya and you can have Indian starters, Pizza and Thai Green curry for mains, and either Indonesian Caramel avocado, American Brownies or Green Tea Ice Cream for dessert. Weirdest. Diet. Ever. Noone cares where you come from as long as you don’t chew gum and that’s wonderful!
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January 7th, 2008 at 8:57 am
My sympathies for your situation. If I hadn’t had a third culture family, I don’t know what I would have done. You must be a very strong person. Another TCK told me a story of someone she knew who repatriated (I forget from where) to a small American town. Apparently, he ended up in a mental institution.
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January 9th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Hi Aisyah
I can relate to your story too
I have a younger brother but he doesn’t seem to have been hit by the “TCK bug” so I feel pretty alone in my TCKness.
I usually end up argueing with my dad when I say bad things about Brazil (my “home” country).
They’re not conservative, but I still have the feeling that they don’t get me. I’ve had this feeling ever since I can remember (I repatriated when I was 7) and now I finally know why. I asked them to read the TCK book, but they haven’t moved a single inch do to that.
So yeah, I get the “my family doesn’t understand me” feeling.
On the bright side, now you have us
WE get you! 
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February 26th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
UH HUH, wt’s worse than being TCK? being the only one in the family!! Well, I guess it’s also better because…yes…it actually makes u THAT much stronger. I am an only child thanks to Chinese 1 child law hehe so YAY I am the only TCK in the family too! All my cousins have never even traveled to other countries -_-. I don’t try to make them understand anything, just play along and go with the few rules to make you at least NOT HATED lol, that’s about the best we can do. Thank god they all think highly of Canada. or I would be screwed.
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February 26th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Hey
I’m that too. My brother isn’t TCK at all. I’m the one with the travelling bug/itch… the feelings of being un-patriotic.
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February 27th, 2008 at 2:58 am
It’s odd isn’t it. I can’t claim to be the only TCK in my family since there are 3 generations of us BUT it’s odd how my father & all my siblings were able to shed their overseas lives & just blend in with their countrymen. Sure, they have some TCK traits (my brothers lived in 10 countries before they graduated from HS…one more than I), but they moved to the US & didn’t look back. They have no trouble at all with the question “Where are you from?” while I’m still very much a global nomad at heart & in practice (I tend to move every 1-2 years). It’s the only identity I fully ran relate to.
I’ve often wondered what makes us global nomads react so differently. The vast majority of my GN classmates from my I.S.s didn’t seem interested in all the GN forums & info I shared with them. What makes some of us identify so strongly & others not want to be associated as a TCK/GN?
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