The Many Faces of Ignorance & Sim’s Parting Shot
Everyone here has come to the conclusion, at some point or another, that being a TCK is a double edged sword. We benefit tremendously from the different cultures we’ve experienced, the friends we’ve made and the life lessons we’ve learnt. We’ve also suffered as a result of the moves we’ve made, the friends we’ve left, the feeling of not belonging and ignorance
Ignorance is supposedly the enemy of all things “TCK”. It is the object which we direct our hate and the topic of most of our rants. And it is ignorance that some TCKs have fallen victim to. The “ignorance” towards those who are “ignorant” is the ignorance in question. This is the worst kind of hypocrisy. Most TCKs are often reminded how “mature” they seem by non-TCKs and this has led to some developing a superiority complex. It is based on the notion that we, as TCKs, are some how superior to non-TCKs. The notion that we have a better understanding of how the world works, simply because we’ve been privileged enough to experience more than one culture
TCKs are Third Culture Kids. A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. Children fortunate, or unfortunate, enough to have moved around and experience cultures not of their own, or of their parents. In no definition of TCK are we described as “all-knowing” or superior. Neither does it state that we can judge people merely on the basis of something they believe in
We’ve all pulled on personal experiences with our non tck and tck friends. There are just as many ignorant TCKs out there as there are open minded non tcks. This is because simply having these experiences does not make you “open minded” by default. What we fail to realize is that our experiences don’t necessarily mean our opinion is any more correct than the views we are arguing against. This failing isn’t specific to TCKs, but to people in general. Everyone always believes they are correct and are doing what is right. What we as TCKs should be doing, is realizing that our opinions may not be the correct one, as our encounters with other cultures should have taught us. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion; what we should have learnt to do is respect others’ opinions, no matter how ‘ignorant’, or rude, it may seem to us. We also should be able to understand why these opinions exist. If we hold our upbringing and experiences responsible for our views then it’s only natural that someone brought up under different circumstances would express different views
We should question ourselves, first and foremost, before question the opinions of others. Hitler, for example, was not a TCK. He believed, with every bone in his body, that he was doing right by the German people and the German nation. As TCKs we should not commit the same mistakes that such people have committed. Those who forgot they were not the ultimate authorities on life and justice. Who are we to judge someone’s behavior when it’s a direct result of their cultural upbringing and social conditioning?
It is important that we don’t allow such ignorance to propagate. There are many young TCKs on this site who look for guidance and advice. Misguided animosity towards non-TCKs is not something we wish for them to take away from this site. We should be helping these children understand who they are and the world that they belong to, not helping form prejudices
Wielding this double edged sword, stumbling through life we are prone to lashing out at perceived injustices. As TCKs, however, we should and must display an ability to question ourselves before we pass judgment on others because as our encounters with other cultures have shown us, there is more than one lens through which the world is viewed
-Alastair Sim, Neha Shastri & Kristine Vasquez
Many of you may not know who I am. I joined the site towards the end of 2007, thrilled at the prospect of meeting people who have lived extraordinary lives, not seeking people who I thought were my “equals”. I came to this site hoping to find people who shared my values, not necessarily my opinions, to share stories and to make new friends. Although all of these expectations were met, I also experienced a lot of things I didn’t expect to see on this site. There was a lot of negativity and pessimism that I found disturbing, so I took leave from the site. Originally I cited university but really I just couldn’t bear scrolling to the complaining. I had no qualms with walking away; to me people’s opinions are simply that, their own opinions. The only reason I chose now to write my final post is because the site is a global phenomenon, a tribute to Brice’s amazing work. With this sudden influx of traffic and surge in member numbers I felt that this was no longer an issue pertaining to a few members, this site may well influence the youth of tomorrow and for that reason I felt the need to voice my opinion on the matter. I’ve encountered a lot of prejudice and although my opinions may not sit well with many of you, to put it bluntly, anyone who disregards the above is really proving my point.
This will be my final post as I don’t wish to be a hypocrite by trying to “impose” my point of view on people who may disagree. A last remark must be made though. To Brice, keep up the good work mate and thank you. Your site has introduced me to some amazing people. And with this I bid you all the very best of luck in your future adventures, of which I’m sure there will be many! Maybe one day our paths will cross, Insha-Allah!! (God willing, but it sounds more kick ass in Arabic!)
Yours Sincerely,
Alastair Milton Sim Jia Qing
March 30th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Oh one FINAL thing, sorry about the variation in font. I guess TCKid was trying to sabotage my final post! haha
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March 30th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Amen! I thought this was a well written post. Kudos guy and gals!
Alastair, tckid is the poorer for your departure. Best of luck in the future, and thank you for your contributions.
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March 30th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Sim, I told you not to go, but you don’t listen to me. HAHA, I am kidding..
Well, I think this post says it all (given I did have contributions in it too) and I don’t really feel the need to add any more.
Sad to see you go, dude. Well, there’s MSN. Don’t you DARE block me.
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March 30th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
And thanks Jer. We love you.
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March 30th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Thanks for the Kudos Jer-Jer
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March 30th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I have to agree on most points, though dramatic exits aren’t always the best way to do it. It does grab attention to the point though, so I’m not throwing dirt on it.
We’re all human, and this is something to remember. We’re capable of the same faults. I learned this lesson early on, because lots of people finish US college, and I didn’t. Oh fine, I can happily wave my new bachelor’s degree from here, but nevertheless, you get reminded that you can make the same mistakes as anyone else.
Sim, feel free to check in anytime to see if it’s more to your liking. I have your MSN, so next time I’m in London, we’ll find out who the bigger party boy is.
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March 31st, 2008 at 5:15 am
Sad to see you go Simmy. Hopefully we’ll stay in touch.
Although I do see the point you’re trying to make in this post there are a few things I’d like to comment on. I am sure that some of us here are aware that we are acting ignorant and that’s the diff - we KNOW we are. Many have asked each other “Do you think we appear arrogant and ignorant?”
1) Ignorance is a huge issue with all human beings. Human beings are selfish, ignorant and greedy. Don’t we all know that already? :p Yes anyone can fall victim to ignorance and even TCKs are not immune to that. Just because we may have a more “worldly” view does not mean we know how NOT to be ignorant.
2) With that said, there is one thing I don’t know if anyone has thought of. As TCKs, we’ve always been put in a “box” regardless of where we are. We accept that and moved on. But what we failed to realize at an earlier stage is that accepting what’s been pushed upon us is NOT ok. Eventually it becomes a cloud of confusion inside us. And while we keep digging deeper into ourselves we can never find an answer to “why in the world do I feel uncomfortable about that?”
I think having this site really helps people get this inner “energy” out of their system. I know I have. It’s all negative because each of us want to get those stuff out there that’s been built up inside (and we all know they haven’t been good). In my opinion, I believe this place is a place where people can eventually see why they act and think the way they did. If there are all good things, this site wouldn’t be the way it is today. I have seen more people coming here to try to figure out who they are and walking out feeling better about themselves.
Ignorance is a problem and failing to see what’s really behind something is also ignorance.
Again, TCKs are humans. Just because of how we’re brought up does not mean we know how to be “non-ignorant” human beings. Kudos to those that find themselves quite “non-ignorant”, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy (well, if it has been easy, kudos to that too).
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March 31st, 2008 at 7:27 am
Just a few thoughts on this..I don’t think its about knowing how to be ‘non ignorant’..I think its about really making an effort not to be (our ‘worldly’ upbringing should allow us to attempt at least)..I mean if its NOT okay to accept things that have been pushed upon us, then why is it okay to accept ignorance? Isn’t ignorance pushed upon us?
Its not that I don’t understand why ignorance is prevalent, but you discover these reasons through self investigation. Everyone has different reasons for being so.
Ignorance isn’t inheriant, it’s developed. No person is ignorant by choice, but why choose to not have a choice?
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March 31st, 2008 at 8:15 am
I don’t think this site ever said anything about TCKs being better than non-TCKs. (A statement I believe to be false anyway)
Sure. Certain people have made such posts at some point - but do we have to be politically correct 100% of the time?
I’ve never seen a site where there were so many people yet people managed to remain pretty polite. In other forums much ruder words are often exchanged and things get heated up very quickly. That has not been the case with this group and I commend you all for it.
Even this parting post isn’t a ‘flaming’ post…lol
As for the negativity - I don’t think we should forbid TCKs who have genuinely had traumatic and bad experiences to express their thoughts.
You know when you’re angry you’re not in top form. You’re not in top form either if someone has been bullying you and you have been the victim.
I think most people after having had a rant, calmed down a bit after they found a few people responded in an understanding manner and ate some of their words in some instances.
Is that so bad?
The threads I haven’t really liked personally are the ones where people were just being silly about how ‘TCKs were going to rule the world’ but that’s something I’ve seen in other Internet communities that has nothing to do with TCKs. Perhaps it’s part of contemporary youth culture? And it’s really just being silly. If I don’t like it personally that’s my problem.
It’s like when you’re playing a MMORPG and a player belongs to a weak group but he’s still blowing hot air saying: We’re gonna rule! :p < —In these MMORPGs most people are under 30.
I’ve made some not so nice remarks about expats myself but to be fair expats are under a lot of pressure because they are almost all suffering from culture shock, so they naturally are not in top form and tend to behave in rather interesting ways toward anyone and anything that is even slightly different from them.
But we are all human in the end so we get hurt by comments people make about us easily or how we got discriminated against just because we were different, etc…and because TCKs can’t rant in very many places about certain problems they have, they do it here.
Anyway it was nice knowing you and I wish you the best of luck in your life
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March 31st, 2008 at 10:44 am
lol, i love how everyone expressed different opinions in a polite and respectful manner.
you guys are cool. (esp. neha, but i’m biased…)
except you’re all WRONG, and i’m RIGHT… as always.
ok i’m just a cat who can’t spell and i don’t understand half of the political debates here but here’s my opinion.
totally agree on most points.
it’s a very well written post and it has valid points so kudos to neha and sim for sharing it.
arrogance sucks.
i have a lot to say on this issue but i’ll make it quick.
i encounter some of this by email. not all the time, but when i do, it’s outrageous. ( e.g: “i have no problems, i am a very successful __ because of my privileged lifestyle”.) no, i’m not kidding. this is an actual quote. lol
that’s one of the many many reasons why we decided to run tckid private and offer counseling and support.
i think the issue of superiority and arrogance is rooted in insecurity, a lack of self-esteem, and poor social skills - all of which i’m encouraging the counselors to address.
i should add that unresolved grief caused by non-tcks and host countries does add some bitterness and intolerance.
when you’re insecure and someone argues against your beliefs, you feel threatened because it’s like an attack on your very existence and identity. (e.g: ahem… obama vs hilary)
i’ll keep you guys posted.
thanks sim and catch you later. love ya. <3
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