The Fetal Diaries #32: Why? How? Whaaa–?
Okay, so I’ve been in Canada for.. three years and three months. And I still haven’t figured out why Canadians do what they do. I’m not saying what they do is bad or anything. It’s just weird. But who am I to say what’s weird and what’s not? Hell, I grew up watching camels run in the desert approx. two km from the living room balcony.
But honestly, I don’t get why people here try sooo hard to tan. Yes, I am poking fun a little bit here, but come on. I’m talking about friends, and I do have a little bit of the right to laugh at them. Like, okay, some people can carry the whole tanned look, granted. But some, like this particular friend of mine, looked ridiculous. She’s one of those people that tan into an almost red-ish color, instead of going brown, then loses the color (thank God, she does) in just a few days.
I was looking through the Photos application thingee-majigger on Facebook, and when I saw the thumbnail of her album, and saw her, my first reaction was, “Why, how, whaaa–?! Whoa, what happened to her?!” followed by a faster than the speed of light click on the photo. What’s funny too is that it’s only her face that was tanned. And I’m almost sure that it’s not cover up foundation that made her look like that, but how the hell did she get her face tanned red like that, while the rest of her body was still, well, white. What, did she just decide to go out wearing a sweater and jeans and sat under the sun, exposing only her face? Probably, by the looks of it.
WHY?! Yeah, I still can’t get over it. She looked more human with her normal skin colour, and not almost tomato red-ish. I swear, it’s almost the color of tomatoes. Or like the color of my ever so amazing mouse (which you probably have never seen before, but it’s red).
Oh, and the whole ‘my province is better than yours’ thing. For example, I was talking to a friend who lives in British Columbia, and I am here in Alberta. Well, these two provinces are like, right next to each other on the map, and as my friend likes to put it, BC is so much better than Alberta. Okay, so BC does have the beaches, and all the (mostly) cultured asian kids like me, but Alberta has some nice things about it too. Like the Saddledome down in Calgary. Where else on earth can you find a building shaped like a saddle? Mhmm. And okay, BC has the beautiful cherry blossoms and good asian food, but Alberta has some nice… evergreens and flapjacks.
But nooo, this kid, he has to prove that his is better. How? By telling me that their provincial exams over there are done in grade 10, unlike Alberta, where us kids do it in grade 9. Again, “Why? How? Wha–?” I don’t even see how that could be better. Bite me.
Then there’s the “OMG where are you going this summer?” Here’s how it goes, for most kids here.
Girl 1: OMG where you going this summer?
Girl 2: OMG BC!
Girl 1: No way! Vancouver?
Girl 2: Yes! You?
Girl 1: Ontario!
Girl 2: Toronto?
Girl 1: HAHA, it’s like you read my mind!
That’s how it goes. Seriously. Well, at least for the overly perky kids. There are many other cliques in Canada, so take that example convo and remove the perkiness and add some words like “Shadow”, “Darkness”, and “Death”, and you got the emo version. Not that they talk about where they’re going anyways. For all I know, all they probably talk about is death…
Oh, and yeah, that, the whole “I’m my own person” thing. So these guys try so hard to be themselves that they end up being like a clone of everyone else. Gods, help me. Like when I first got here in Canada, it was the whole “Yo, I’m cool cause I listen to hip-hop” phase. Then just before I left for Fort McCrap, it was “OMG, my clothes are from TNA, how about yours? Oh, mine’s from Armani! Wow!” phase. Then I got to Fort Mc, and somehow, the world has turned emo (not that I wasn’t emo either, but I had a reason, I hated the place I just moved into). So there’s the “I wanna die” phase. Now, it’s like, “I’m a guy and I can wear skinny jeans like girls, and can’t be called gay” phase. I mean, okay, some guys look alright wearing skinny jeans, but some guys, I’d rather see them in skirts. Really.
I’ll probably never fully understand Canada and it’s people. It’s not a bad place, just very… plain to me. If that’s even the right word I’m looking for. Probably not.. But whatever. I’m gonna end it here and read more GaijinSmash stories that Uncle Dan got me addicted to.
Alright, pc’n!
Kristine aka fetus.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:19 am
Sounds like something I experience in USA…interestingly enough I actually miss that place.
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June 19th, 2008 at 1:16 am
lol…Kristine this is the best one I’ve read by you. Very entertaining. You had the right tone and manner and kept it light while pointing out some ‘glaring’ inconsistencies in what people say and do in a very humorous way. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
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June 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am
haha, yeah cyn, canada and the US are quite similar, but if i said that to a canadian, id get beaten up..
hahah thanks ayako!
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June 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Ah Kris… tckid for me = Fetal Diaries. lol
Don’t worry, this is called “youth”, it’ll pass soon, sooner than you like.
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June 19th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Hilarious! I wish I could tell you it goes away, but I still see the “I’m too cool to conform, so I’m conforming to not being cool” in the US, in adults, 20 years after moving back.
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June 19th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
How ironic is it that North Americans are so into individualism but at the same time looking for someone with something “in common”. I guess individualism means putting yourself in a certain category?
It drives me mad when people claim themselves to be “I am a person of my own”, make fun of other people that don’t seem to have an “identity” and as Catherine has mentioned conform to the “uncool” clan (which in the end is not much different from conforming).
Nothing makes sense in this world…
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June 19th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I read a funny book called “Why I Hate Canadians” (Will Ferguson, himself a canadian), ironically lent to me by some canadian friends. It discusses some of the oddities, and gives a bit of a view into just where canadians came from. And hearing this, I believe the bulk of canadian problems stem from a basic lacking in their culture. They lack a good home grown comic book character! (don’t believe me? look up Captain Canuck) It explains everything!
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June 20th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Americans in the US ARE largely the same, to me. And it’s kind of hilarious (from a distance). So jerry, since the US has so many good homegrown comic characters, why isn’t it better about it?
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June 20th, 2008 at 2:03 am
A long time ago a Japanese TCK who grew up in Paris said to me:
“One thing I don’t get about Americans is how they like to buy so many ‘matching’ (matching=same design, same color) things like towels. Why can’t they just choose different designs that go together?”
And then 20 years later, I catch myself buying matching towels (like all of a same color) because I’m too lazy to engage in the intricate and infinitely more difficult task of choosing different designs that all go together!
The thing is if they don’t look good together it bothers me, but I can’t be bothered to spend hours choosing towels…because I can’t bear doing that even with clothes. :p
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June 20th, 2008 at 9:38 am
LOL, the Western world sometimes…you hate and you love it.
I guess it’s a little bit different in Europe. I feel that it’s a lot less superficial than it is in North America. Maybe it is in someplaces, but I don’t quite “feel” it, you know?
But don’t get me wrong, I have quite a few Canadian and American friends that I love!!
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