The Fetal Diaries #22: Multiple Speedbumps In A Row.

Posted by kristine on March 4th, 2008 | Categorized as Blog | 280 views and 8 Comments

[Warning: Excessive ranting, digression from actual point, and possibly some undesirable language. I apologise in advance.]

This past week has been discouraging (sorry guys, I also have my bad emo days). I have been off track, been tempted to rebel (and I sorta did) and I have been struggling to use every single bit of self control I have left with difficulty.

Anyways.. I been trying to avoid fries guy. I’m kinda mad at him. I will not talk about why i am but i can assure you guys that it’s not good. Let me get myself clear though. I don’t want him out of my life. He’s one of my closest friends; I just don’t wanna deal with him for now.. I’m trying to get over it, and over him and it’s hard. But thanks to my amazing friends, here around me and also here in tckid.com, i’m moving on slowly, but surely. Thanks guys.

It’s really not easy. I’m trying to deal with school, f.g. Problems and other personal problems. It’s driving me insane, i’m dying to just let loose. I’m going through multiple life speedbumps (as i like to call em) right now.

I’ve talked to Brice about this. I may come off as a good kid to some of you guys. I spose i am, but i had my rebel days, and i’m still getting those occasional voices in my head telling me to do bad, even it’s a small thing. It’s nothing major at the moment. However, i did skip my first class today.. Shh, don’t tell my parents. I have reasons. One, i didn’t wanna see fries guy in class today (we have that class together) and two, i had to catch up on some other work. I barely ever skip, so i don’t see it as a bad thing.. But i did go to starbucks.. Ended up twitchy and hyper.. But i’m all caught up with school work so it’s all good.

My dad has been kinda annoying. I’m trying my hardest to put up with him. It just sucks that he always puts us up on a pedestal. I’m not a genius. I’m struggling with problems and school and him telling me i’m not doing well enough in school sucks for me to hear. I don’t wanna hear shit coming from his mouth when i’m not in a good mood. I realise he’s just trying to help but i am not that smart, and i don’t necessarily wanna give up stuff to study. No thanks - i’m depressed enough.

I’m not struggling with school, marks-wise. It’s just hard to focus, yenno? Like i wanna just have fun for now while i can. I’m dying in this hick town. It’s so small and it isn’t so interesting. I wanna do something REFRESHING, something FUN. My idea of fun might be different, but i really will dig a deep hole of depression if i don’t let loose soon.

I am trying to deal, yes, and i spose it’s going well. I’m still slightly depressed, but i’m still going. I have these days too, i am only human.

Just sucks to hear my dad tell me (or rather, ORDER ME) to avoid going on msn. Pft right, as if i will. It’s not my fault that he’s always moving me around. I don’t wanna lose touch with friends. F*** that man. I actually still care about most of my friends, even after i move away.

And work is shitty.. It always has been. I would quit if i weren’t going to california this summer.

Well i’m sleepy. I’ve school tomorrow..

Rant over, ttyl.
Kristine aka fetus.

Born in the Philippines, then lived in Abu Dhabi, UAE for almost 4 years. Immigrated to Calgary, Canada (one of the most, if not THE most diverse city in Canada), but lives even farther north now (where it seems to be the opposite of Calgary).