The 5 year old sleeper spy

Posted by eleodel on November 20th, 2007 | Categorized as Stories | 183 views and 5 Comments

English is the answer

I lost a language when I lost my family

My home, my country

I sacrificed it in mourning

Nothing seemed worth saving anymore

I drove it deep inside

To comprehend all that I’d lost

I could have cut off my hair

Slept in soot

Ribboned my flesh raw

But these things were not culturally acceptable

So I divorced a part of myself

As all was going astray

Haywire awry disastrous

All bonds stretched and painful

Razors slicing me back

Remodeling me

Into who I should have been

So this was my offering

My token, my symbol, my sacrifice

I would become other

I would sleep

I would go undercover

I divorced my soul

I gave my language away

I systematically buried it

When all was lost around me.

But I was smarter than I thought

A fiercely protective 5 year old

I hid my soul in the language

That I had smothered,

Like a nugget of gold

Like a universe in a bead.

A safety device for years to come

A treasure search within myself

The lock was hidden

And the key carefully placed into oblivion

A dense quality of forgetfulness

I set signs for myself

For later

And went as far as to forget

I had.

I was the consumate sleeper

I have stirred.

14/11/2004