TCK crisis
I am in the middle of my periodic TCK crisis, where I get really depressed about not having any friends and not being able to relate to people. I just see people going out and having fun and hanging out with people they have known their entire life and can relate to. While me, I am alone on Saturday night at home, after having moved a few months ago, not knowing too many people and even those that I do know, not being able to relate to them. Then I think about all the people that have passed through my life, come and gone. At one point these were the people I would see every day and now they have disappeared into the past. At least Facebook allows me to once in a while get some brief “what’s up” from some, but really what kind of a friendship is that. I am a person who needs personal contact and it’s kind of making me feel really depressed that I can’t get it and it’s not really my fault. Sorry if this is a bit of an incoherent rant, but just needed to get it off my chest.
Is any one in this type of situation or has these types of thoughts? I actually a lot of times get in fights with my parents, because I kind of blame them for it and what pisses me off is that they don’t understand what type of situation they placed me in and what type of an effect it had on me…
May 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
HI Peter!
I’m new to the group.I’m Domitilla (26yrs old)
I read your post and felt immediately related. To me happens exactly the same. I use to force myself to go out even when I didn’t feel like or enjoyed being in the presence of other people to whom I didn’t relate to, I too do not have TCk friends. It’s hard, often to me happens that I sit together with the group of friends, and it seems everyone is on the same page and deeply udnerstand each other perfectly while you don’t fully get them or they don’t get you, and you often think what they worry about it’s nonse and viceversa, because there you are just a world apart and there seems to be no bridge possible to cross and get onto the same page. As I once described this as watching my friends as if I were watching a film, and I am not in it, I watch it all occur infront of me and I just can’t join it.
In the past few months I haven’t gone out again cause I feel worse when I leave them than when I’m alone, although it is never recommended to be isolated for too long…
Well…I wasn’t much of a help to you, just can say I do relate to you and feel the same way you do.
Bye Take care.
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May 23rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
WOW some really interesting and powerful comments on here. I guess I am not alone in feeling like this and us TCKs will have these problems unfortunately. Anybody in Bratislava? That’s where I live now.
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June 28th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
yah sumtimes I realize, I will never be able to say sumthing touchy like “I’ve grown up with u, gone through kindergarten, elementary school, high school and university”. And when ppl say sumthing like tat I just kind stare at them in shock… and i wonder…does tat make ur frdship more valid or sumthing? does tat mean the only reason ur frdship is valid is because u guys have been stuck with each other for ur whole life? because honestly I think my frdship with my fellow TCKs are way more powerful than urs even though sum of us have seen each other for like 4 months and then are never gonna see each other again!
ergh i gotta say, if any1 in the world has the right and confidence to tell their parents off…it’s TCKs. because no matter how smart, experience and older they r, this is out of their capability to understand.
speaking of which, it pisse me off more than anything when ppl tell me to listen to my parents and they only want the best for me.
i mean honestly…so???? My parents want me to live in the same little town forever and get a secure job and marry a non-tck…yah sure they think they wud be the best for me except i will kill myself if tat happens.
so like…will all u judgmental ppl shut up? i hate how non-tcks think I have bad relationship with my parents or wtever…because um, wt can i say…u didnt make ur child into a TCK, it’s not ur fault, except u kinda have to deal with the fact tat we r 100X harder to understand with normal kid. we dunt go through the same kind of typical teenage puberty stuff, we r not dramatic for no reason, in fact we face 100X the depression that non-TCKs do and probably complain 100X LESS.
well this turned into my angry rant. lol
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July 30th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
This post makes so much sense, maybe that’s because I feel like I’m going through a crisis myself. I know lots of people mostly non-TCK but I only keep a few close friends.
Last month I was all over facebook looking for my old friends. I found some from way back like before I was even 10. After communicating with one of them I regretted it. Well we are still friends but it cannot be exactly the way it was.
I told this to one of my current friends, she is a CCK. With her help I realised that one reason I was looking for my old friends is because I was jealous of my friends who can say that they have been friends with so and so since childhood, went to the same school, lived on the same block blah, blah, blah.
I also wanted that. And such always leaves me wondering what happened to my friends? After all this, I learnt that maybe its better for me to just keep the memories.
I once had a talk about this with my mom. I told her how I realised that all my friendships ended because someone moved. Then she told me to look at the bright side, which is better: losing friends because of a big fight or losing them because of distance and time? In the first case after the fight you may never be friends again, but with the second case if you met again you can be friends.
I still cannot figure out how to deal with the loneliness part. It is hard to really relate to people esp. when they are not open minded. Personally, I find it hard to get really close to people. I think it’s my way of protecting me from goodbyes - It’s easier to leave someone you don’t know that well than someone you do know.
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August 18th, 2008 at 3:36 am
Ezio,
Thank you for that wonderful comment. I can relate to everything you describe. Even if you don’t have the answers, it’s nice to know that there are people who feel the same way.
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