Simmy’s Super Short Stories (Non-Fiction): #1 That time I was on Al Jazeera International…

Posted by AlastairS on December 29th, 2007 | Categorized as Blog | Tagged as Simmy Super Short Stories TV Al Jazeera | 223 views and 7 Comments

Ok guys, I went for Simmy’s Super Short Stories as the title for my series because.. well they’re my short stories and apparently they’re pretty super. If anyone can think of a better title, I’m glad to change it but i just needed a working title. [The author apologises to anyone who thinks this story is not very super]

 So I guess most of you have clicked on that link that Brice posted. If not watch this at 9 minutes 40 seconds.

Right so there it is, me on TV. Broadcast to the world, me sweating because it was a really hot day and also because I was pretty nervous and also me making some funny facial expressions. Anyway theres a story here and since Brice really wanted me to START writing my stories down, I thought I’d start with this… so here goes.

 The day started as every other day on that holiday, I woke up had a shower had some breakfast and set off with my sister at my side to Boarders where I would leave her reading while I did some wandering and people watching (note: not shopping!).

 In front of Ngee Ang City (the building with Kinokuniya in it) I saw a television crew setting up. “Hmmm I wonder what they’re doing” I wondered. As I got closer I saw one of the women shaping to ambush us. I’ve had my fair share of street ambushes in my time, as all travellers had so I went through the steps of diversion. I took a quick look to see if there was a decoy that I could put between me and the woman so that she would talk to THEM instead of me.. but no, it was early and we were the only ones in a 10 meter radius. She was also too close for us to make a swerve without looking like we were intentionally giving her the miss. Knowing the ambush was unavoidable I grit my teeth and stared straight ahead and braced myself. “Hi! Excuse me!” “Dammit….”. The following conversation went along these lines:

Lady 1: We’re interviewing people for a “Street Talk” segment of Riz Khan and we wondered if you wanted to be in it

Me: Depends on what you’re asking I guess

L1: Well we’re having the Singaporean foreign minister on the show and wondered if you have any questions for him

Me: haha well I’m not Singaporean

L1: Please please? We need some young people on the program.

Me: Welll…..

At this point the more attractive young lady (not being shallow… well.. yes I am haha) approaches me and says

Lady 2: I think you’d look really good on TV

SOLD!

Me: Alright, I’ll do it!

Abi (my 12 year old sister): MUAHAHAHAHAHA

 So anyway they ask me to think about something to ask the foreign minister… Now the only thing I know about Singapore and their foreign policy is their water agreement with Malaysia. I think Malaysia has the right to raise the price of water they’re selling Singapore, and Singapore don’t. But I didn’t want to have the government on my back so I couldn’t mention that. So really I had NOTHING. While I was musing I got to talk to the more attractive young lady and found out she recently graduated from London, from SOAS (The School of Oriental and African Studies). I forget her name now and I regret not asking for her email address (I’m good at this flirting thing.. terrible at the next part haha). She was a TCK who was of Indian decent but now worked out of Seattle and got to travel the world with her crew. After Singapore she was off to Durban! Lucky woman.. just thought I’d add that as a point of intrest hahaha..

They said I could just say what I think of Singapore.. Again, I didn’t want to INSULT the country. But i decided to go with the usual “Singapore is beautiful” speal… So i said I was ready and they told me where to stand and to look ONLY into the camera. As is obvious when you watch the clip, I DON’T just look to the camera. I glance to my right, or left of the screen, cause thats where the attractive young lady was hahaha. Anyway after my speak I thought “Its over….” but noooo, they proceeded to ask me a whole bunch of questions that I had to answer off the top of my head. One of them was “What do you think of Singapore’s image in South East Asia?” and the respons I gave to that was the one they used. So my answer was off the top off my head, thus the funny faces as I tried hard to think of what I was going to say! Mainly I was concentrating on not saying anything bad! “Don’t mention the corruption in the heart foundation! DON’T MENTION THE WATER PRICES!! DON’T DO IT!!” hahaha. Thats why i used the word “Dirt”, cause i didn’t know how else to describe SEA without being offensive to SEA.. Really sound stupid though haha… Dirt.. wth! (At this point I’ve started watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s… *And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s, She said I think I remember the film and as I recall I think, we both kind of liked it, and I said well thats the one thing we’ve got!*)

 Anyway when I was done they thanked us, gave us some tissues cause we were all sweating profusely but then continued to chat! Again, being crap at reading the signs I didn’t ask for a number or an email and said “Well best let you guys get back to ambushing other innocent people! Good luck!” and that was the end of that I thought. I mean, they would never put me on TV and I literally FORGOT about it till a month later. My friend posted on my facebook wall,

“HEY!!, I think I just saw you on Al-Jazeera tv talking about singapore and south east asia!?!?! - Were talking about how singapore is an economic role model for asia or something…i just caught the end of it. That is u right?”

and IT WAS! I found the clip online and the rest, as they say, is history!! I got dozens of “HAHAHAHA DUDE YOUR FACE!!” and lots of parents saying “Alastair you handled yourself very well considering that was improvisation!”… But the first time i watched it my impression was “DUDE I WAS NOT EDUCATED IN SINGAPORE!! DON’T TRY TO LET THEM CLAIM MY AWESOME-NESS!!” hahahahaha and really, I just regret not asking that lady for her email address. Would’ve been a useful contact. Meh, all if buts and maybes now. Sorry this ends so abruptly.. I had more to write but my flow was disturbed by dinner and Breakfast at Tiffany’s!

Hope you guys enjoyed that little story. There will be more! But right now I’m hitting Milan for a birthday celebration!!

P.S

Audrey Hepburn was absolutely STUNNING wasn’t she?

Alastair Sim

Chinese by ethnicity, Malaysian by nationality, Australian by association and cultural chameleon. Have lived in 5 different countries, including 6 different cities, over 19 years. Am also an avid procrastinator.