Should my children be TCKs?
Do you have specific stories and experiences where being a TCK has been positive? I’d like to hear the case for having TCKs.
I often hear the following sentiment:
“From my own experience I’ve realized there are so many amazing things about being a TCK! Being open to new people, cultures and ideas is a valuable asset in our world. TCK experiences have helped me in times of change in my life and I am sure will continue to help. I feel privileged to identify in some way with people from varying backgrounds around the globe.”
Could you please share a positive experience you’ve had as a result of being a TCK? I’m sure being open to new culture is great, but I would love to hear specific examples from TCKs where having those attributes was beneficial.
August 7th, 2008 at 5:09 am
This is a long one from me
To all the comments: I SO AGREE.
Growing up as a dip brat/TCK made me an effective communicator, a people person who is adaptable yet reliable. Someone who is easily approachable and who can in turn, easily approach others with confidence.
From my Mother I learned how to be polite and how to “positive script” things, even under times of stress and pressure. From my Father I learned how to be patient.
It’s really helped me in my day job (corporate) where I specialize in management development. When others stress over little things, I help them move on and concentrate on what’s important.
It’s handy when dealing with execs from Asia as well as the US. Being familiar with both cultures helps create a “bridge” when explaining cultural differences, as well nuances in language (there are so many different kinds of English!).
My other “work” and passion of a lifetime is in fashion/wardrobe styling. I love showing others that they can look great in what they wear, to feel confident about their shapes and sizes, and to try things they’ve never tried before.
I wonder about my own kids - what would happen if they grew up as TCKs? For my 9 year old, it would be a bigger adjustment than it would be for my 5 year old. And virtually no adjustment for the wee baby
I think what made it a LITTLE easier on me was that I started moving around at such a young age, so it became routine and not an unusual thing.
Good luck to everyone, and Vivien, hugs to your little girl.
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August 7th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
It helped me in my last job. It was a place where people of many different cultures worked, and there were inevitable misunderstandings. Because of my multicultural background, I was often able to explain to each side that the other side didn’t mean any offense. There were two benefits to that. One was that people became aware of cultural issues and some group projects went a little more smoothly than they might otherwise have. The other was that people (including upper management) started coming to me to ask “what did he mean by that?”, and I became more valuable as an employee than I might otherwise have been.
It’s been great to read everyone’s answers to this question! I haven’t checked in here in a while, and I forget how good it feels to connect to a group of people where the weird parts of me are “normal.” It really is nice!
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September 16th, 2008 at 9:50 am
I would not trade my TCK childhood for anything. Many reasons listed in comments above, and more. But more to the point: try to keep in mind that a sensitive child (as your daughter seems to be) will experience heartbreak, no matter where in the world she is raised. I have seen hometown schoolyard bullies, spiteful cliques of local girls, and favorite teachers leaving school on pregnancy leave, all cause equal misery in young girls. All can be gotten over with the help of caring parents.
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November 25th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Wow, tough question. Being a TCK has caused me a lot of trouble over the years, but it has also brought me so many experiences that I never would have had otherwise. I don’t think I will ever feel like I truly belong somewhere, I’ve had to come to terms with that, but its part of the price you pay to play the game. I thrive in chaos, it’s my meat and drink, but I never pretend that it comes free or is right for everyone.
I think it really boils down to some people being able to handle it and others not. If it were my child, I would try to find a culturally diverse part of my home country to live in for the first few years. If she/he adapted well to new people, places, or environments then I might resume my wanderings. But some people really do need stability and concreteness in their lives and it would be my job as a parent to help them achieve that.
I think every child should visit another culture at least once to prevent our own culture from stagnating, but I wouldn’t go on a world tour with a class of six year olds. Some of them just couldn’t handle it, it requires a level of self sufficiency that some will never have. Humans are social beings, we interact and rely on those around us. Some wolves run with the pack and some hunt alone.
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November 26th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
My children were 9 and 10 years old, living happily in my/their birth country, when we found out we were to move to Singapore because of my husband’s work. My knee-jerk reaction was to fight tooth and nail to give them roots (more specifically, friends they could keep their entire lives). So after much debate with my non-TCK husband, a compromise was struck. We stayed back while my husband flew alone to Singapore.
There were tears whenever the unavoidable move was discussed. This lengthy transition - one school year to “grow into” the idea of moving - was a luxury I never had as a TCK. Still, for months after the move, my younger child grew very withdrawn, and resentful towards her dad. It was worrisome, and I spoke with her homeroom teacher about my concerns. She was wonderfully supportive, and said she had seen this many, many times amongst all those internationally mobile kids. Sure enough, my daughter adapted, made scores of friends, and was on the honor roll a few months later.
Today my teenagers are multiculturally literate (astonishingly so, in fact). The move was the best thing we ever did as a family. Fortunately they attend an international school (another luxury I didn’t have growing up) so it was a soft landing. In the last few years, school trips have taken them to Indonesia, New Zealand, and China; and next year they are off to Jordan and Romania (who does that?? ;))
They’ve already decided on heading overseas for college. The fearlessness and excitement they express over this opportunity can only have come from our decision as parents to allow them to grow up as CCKs. Apples don’t fall far, as the saying goes
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