I wish I was NOT a TCK. I'm 30 years old (have lived in 10 places across 3 continents) and feel like an adolescent as far as I'm just starting to discover my identity. I think if I had grown up with roots, then I would be able to create a self, but instead I was constantly uprooted whilst my parents acted like it was no big deal. I'm very alone and have no close friends, and it's probably because I can't open up for (1) fear of loss and (2) lack of self-knowledge/lack of self. I am facing a move within the next year and think that I cannot bear it anymore. Don't make your kids be TCKs if you don't have to.

I was raised in England and Canada. I married an American - we have lived in both Canada and the US. My life story was "we moved and I cried!" It wasn't until I read "Growing up among Worlds" that I really began to understand myself - I saw myself in every chapter - and began to understand why I think and operate the way I do.

Our children were born in Louisiana, and were raised in upstate New York and rural Canada - they attend university in the US and have both spent time in England during university. Our family has travelled widely and intentionally raised our children to be conscious of the world in which they live - and to recognize the similarities and differences in the cultures of the world.

We have all expressed our uncertainty about where we are from - but we have also used the philosophy that "home is wherever our stuff is." This has given us a sense of permanence with every move - yet a recognition of and a hope for another move in the future.

The advantages of being a TCK far outweigh the disadvantages, as long as you view life that way. I wouldn't trade it for anything!

My children were 9 and 10 years old, living happily in my/their birth country, when we found out we were to move to Singapore because of my husband's work. My knee-jerk reaction was to fight tooth and nail to give them roots (more specifically, friends they could keep their entire lives). So after much debate with my non-TCK husband, a compromise was struck. We stayed back while my husband flew alone to Singapore.

There were tears whenever the unavoidable move was discussed. This lengthy transition - one school year to "grow into" the idea of moving - was a luxury I never had as a TCK. Still, for months after the move, my younger child grew very withdrawn, and resentful towards her dad. It was worrisome, and I spoke with her homeroom teacher about my concerns. She was wonderfully supportive, and said she had seen this many, many times amongst all those internationally mobile kids. Sure enough, my daughter adapted, made scores of friends, and was on the honor roll a few months later.

Today my teenagers are multiculturally literate (astonishingly so, in fact). The move was the best thing we ever did as a family. Fortunately they attend an international school (another luxury I didn't have growing up) so it was a soft landing. In the last few years, school trips have taken them to Indonesia, New Zealand, and China; and next year they are off to Jordan and Romania (who does that?? ;))

They've already decided on heading overseas for college. The fearlessness and excitement they express over this opportunity can only have come from our decision as parents to allow them to grow up as CCKs. Apples don't fall far, as the saying goes :-)

Wow, tough question. Being a TCK has caused me a lot of trouble over the years, but it has also brought me so many experiences that I never would have had otherwise. I don't think I will ever feel like I truly belong somewhere, I've had to come to terms with that, but its part of the price you pay to play the game. I thrive in chaos, it's my meat and drink, but I never pretend that it comes free or is right for everyone.

I think it really boils down to some people being able to handle it and others not. If it were my child, I would try to find a culturally diverse part of my home country to live in for the first few years. If she/he adapted well to new people, places, or environments then I might resume my wanderings. But some people really do need stability and concreteness in their lives and it would be my job as a parent to help them achieve that.

I think every child should visit another culture at least once to prevent our own culture from stagnating, but I wouldn't go on a world tour with a class of six year olds. Some of them just couldn't handle it, it requires a level of self sufficiency that some will never have. Humans are social beings, we interact and rely on those around us. Some wolves run with the pack and some hunt alone.

I would not trade my TCK childhood for anything. Many reasons listed in comments above, and more. But more to the point: try to keep in mind that a sensitive child (as your daughter seems to be) will experience heartbreak, no matter where in the world she is raised. I have seen hometown schoolyard bullies, spiteful cliques of local girls, and favorite teachers leaving school on pregnancy leave, all cause equal misery in young girls. All can be gotten over with the help of caring parents.

It helped me in my last job. It was a place where people of many different cultures worked, and there were inevitable misunderstandings. Because of my multicultural background, I was often able to explain to each side that the other side didn't mean any offense. There were two benefits to that. One was that people became aware of cultural issues and some group projects went a little more smoothly than they might otherwise have. The other was that people (including upper management) started coming to me to ask "what did he mean by that?", and I became more valuable as an employee than I might otherwise have been.

It's been great to read everyone's answers to this question! I haven't checked in here in a while, and I forget how good it feels to connect to a group of people where the weird parts of me are "normal." It really is nice!

This is a long one from me :)

To all the comments: I SO AGREE.

Growing up as a dip brat/TCK made me an effective communicator, a people person who is adaptable yet reliable. Someone who is easily approachable and who can in turn, easily approach others with confidence.

From my Mother I learned how to be polite and how to "positive script" things, even under times of stress and pressure. From my Father I learned how to be patient.

It's really helped me in my day job (corporate) where I specialize in management development. When others stress over little things, I help them move on and concentrate on what's important.

It's handy when dealing with execs from Asia as well as the US. Being familiar with both cultures helps create a "bridge" when explaining cultural differences, as well nuances in language (there are so many different kinds of English!).

My other "work" and passion of a lifetime is in fashion/wardrobe styling. I love showing others that they can look great in what they wear, to feel confident about their shapes and sizes, and to try things they've never tried before.

I wonder about my own kids - what would happen if they grew up as TCKs? For my 9 year old, it would be a bigger adjustment than it would be for my 5 year old. And virtually no adjustment for the wee baby :) I think what made it a LITTLE easier on me was that I started moving around at such a young age, so it became routine and not an unusual thing.

Good luck to everyone, and Vivien, hugs to your little girl.

While i wouldn't give up my experiences for anything, and being a tck is an amazing way to grow up, i think that having a home base is also an extremely important thing that a lot of people don't value enough. Just having somewhere to leave things without worrying they'll get lost in moving, or being able to answer the question "Where are you from?" with one word when you really don't feel like taking 10 mins to explain it...man, i wish i had that. I would never trade the life i do have for it, but sometimes, i come close to wishing i could.

Vivien,
I am sorry to hear that it was hard for you to see your child cry. I am not sure if I had a similar personality as Siobhan when I was young but I am the type of person who makes one best friend and feels secure when I can stick with her. My family moved around a lot and many a times I found it difficult to lose that close friendship and bond and was forced to make new friends. I think the experience of constantly moving to a new place has actually stretched my personality and now I no longer need to have just one best friend. I feel comfortable making connections with those who are not compatible with me and I truly think this is a blessing. I have a greater and wider appreciation of people with all kinds of personalities. =)

Did you ever not wanted to be a TCK? I mean, I think my daughter would have lots of problems adapting to new situations and persons every two or four years.
We just had a big crisis last week, when she had the chance to spend a day with her old nanny, where she grew up since she's been three. In the evening, when it was time to go back home, she cried for at least two hours, just like.... like she was loosing someone, like someone just died or as if she was lovelorn. Was really hard for us to see her like that. And in the end we had to telephone her nanny, who tried to calm her down, by telling her, that she could come round, whenever she wanted to.
Siobhan is very attached to persons around her. She's not making friend with everyone, but if there is one, she won't let go somehow.
So now I'm scared if she could deal with moving every two years or so. Or if I could deal with it, just see her cry her heart out every time we have to move.

One great benefit that I am now realizing is the inability to see race, ethnicity and nationality. It's not just that one is accepting, one truly does not notice it. This is particularily helpful in a culture that defines humans by race, ethnicity etc. Also, the ability to understand humanity. The things that bind and break us apart. The knowledge and ability to empathize that comes with being a TCK is truly fantastic

Here are 5 reasons why your children should be TCKs:


1) We're more adaptable.

We're used to change. Life is all about change, but in my experience, TCKs are more comfortable to change than monocultural people.

"Third-culture kids learn how to make their way in unfamiliar surroundings. The late Ruth Hill Useem, a former Michigan State sociologist who studied them for decades, explained: "They adapt, they find niches, they take risks, they fail and pick themselves up again. . . . Their camouflaged exteriors and understated ways of presenting themselves hide their rich inner lives." In surveys, more than 80 percent said they could relate to anyone, regardless of race or nationality."


2) Ability to quickly empathize with outcasts

I often hear from people "wow, you're so understanding, I feel I could tell you anything". I think people need to be more open-minded and understanding, so I think that's a very IMPORTANT trait.


3) Cross cultural bond

Like Warona, when I meet someone new, we always find some connection. I have friends from all over the world, so I'm probably more culturally interconnected than average.

For example, I met this couple from HK and we instantly connected when I said a few words in Chinese and mentioned MTR, Stanley Market, and how much my friends miss HK. (note: I've never been there!)

4) Read the TCK book! There are more characteristics like multilingualism, career advantages, etc...


5) Obama

Do I need to say more?



Bottom line: if you can assist your children and help them deal with the cons (unresolved grief, rootlessness, etc) ... then I believe you'll have an amazing kid. :)

I'm about to become a mom & I am so excited about bringing her up as a global nomad. As a global nomad myself (& coming from generations of GNs), I think I'll be able to relate to her & not push her to *feel* from somewhere.

Most on this site came from parents who weren't GN/TCKs themselves, right? I think those of us who are GNs & bringing them up as such, can relate to our kids better to their situation.

I agree very much with Warona!

I know I'm one that rants a lot in this forum. But it's like Warona said: my issues are all related to the fact that I didn't know about TCK when I repatriated (at the age of 7), and thus spent years in indentity crisis and inner conflicts of values.
I know I can't go back in time, but I firmly believe that if I had this information and had people supporting my identity as a TCK, lots of issues that snowballed during my life could have been prevented.

On the other hand, you can never prevent your kids from feeling sad or growing up with some kind of problems. We all want to be perfect parents (or at least my mother does!) but nobody's perfect, right?
Even with all these issues I tell her all the time that taking us to live abroad was the BEST thing she did for us.

I beleive the TCK experience actually helps us to deal with problems in life. I think moving to a completely different place, adapting and learning the language at an early age is what made me become a very "I can do ANYTHING" person. With this experience you learn that nothing is impossible. There's always a solution to a problem.

You also learn quickly from your mistakes and mistakes of others. If I do something that I later realise was a "wrong move", the first things that come to my mind are "why did I do that? what can I do so that I don't repeat the same mistake?"
I'm always learning, always growing, every day in my life.

For me, this ability to grow is priceless.
This is what has been enabling me to, 18 years later, come to terms with my repatriation, with all the issues in my life that originated at that time (and others that bottled up afterwards) and has been making me a "healed" person. I don't think I'd be able to process/rethink all this if I hadn't learned to be open-minded about myself and my problems.

So, as Warona put it, seeing the world and seeing different cultures brings these kinds of general, broad, intangible skills, that in my opinion are way more important for a person than "having a nationality" or any other trait that monocultural people have.

I say, make your kids TCKs! It's the BEST thing you can do to them in their entire life!

when i saw the title of this post i just wanted to reply; 'yes, yes and YES!!'

i can understand you wanting to hear specific stories of how being tck positively influenced our lives, but the thing is, that is like asking how being born specifically positively influenced someone's life, it is a very hard question to answer,

being open to the new in a completely fearless excited way is something i always took for granted. now that i am older and am maaking decisions for myself, i cannot be more grateful for this characteristic, its more than great, it has made me more open, more accepting and therefore i have been able to learn about everything easier with less judgement, and see so much of the world. and really seek happiness, not feel pressured to meet certain socialised stereotypes.

i have friends all over the world. this is not only good for travelling, but it makes me feel more connected with the whole world. like, i feel a strong connection with norway, though i have never been there becase i have VERY good friends there (and my birthday falls on norway day). and if i were to tell you how many times just saying 'hey, i know someone from your country!' or greeting a person in their language (sometimes even cussing them out in their language) has helped me break the ice in a far more intimate way than any small talk ever could with folks i just met.

i can remember working at a coffee shop in DC, and we had this system where we'd take the customer's name so that when their coffee was ready we could call them by name to get it from the counter. this woman cam in once, ordered a coffee, when i asked her name she immeditely started spelling it (which is what i do cos no one can pronounce my name) when she finished i saw it was a a dutch name it was something like 'annikje' and i (being familiar with the pronounciation of the 'je' at the end of a dutch name) pronounced it properly. you should have seen her eyes light up! it was like i had just handed her $100! its stuff like this that is hard to quantify, these honest connection you make with people due to your background as tck.

yes, it has helped in my job too, as an actor, i feel as thougth i have expereinced so much and met so many people it is easy for me to tap into different characters (not to mention accents). i am surprised not more tcks are actors, especially since we so familiar with the art of chameleonism!

so all in all i would say if you have the opportunitity, let your kids be tck. just the fact that you are aware of the term gives them an advantage already.most of us grew up not knowing and even now a lot of us have parents who don't get it. to me, that is where a lot of the danger of a negative experience lies. i don't know if there is anything that can be written that will give you that 'ah, ok, for that, i will make my kids tck' moment, its just not tangible like that, i can't put my hand on it like a pebble and say 'here it is! this is the best reason ever for being tck!' just do it. and when your kids are grown, ask them. they will probably shrug and say, 'i can't put my finger on it, but yeah, its a good thing.'

and it is. its a great thing.

Being a TCK has definitely been good for my work. I'm a journalist in Moscow writing for publications abroad, and I need to interview people across different time zones and constantly be aware when one location is waking up and another is finishing its work day, and coordinate them so that I can meet deadlines in different parts of the world. I'm always using phone cards and switching languages from phone call to phone call. If I wasn't used to doing these things as a TCK, it would be very hard.

In my experience being a TCK also makes you better at communicating, and less timid about asking stupid questions dealing with authority figures. I think this has to do with the fact that from a young age TCKs have to make themselves understood to whomever they might be speaking with, even if it's a language that they aren't familiar with. For me, I got used to having Chinese people laugh at my accent when I was speaking the language (I am Chinese but my first language is English) and so when I was learning Russian I got used to using whatever words, even if it was baby talk, to get my point through.

For me, I have found that it has a positive impact on my career. By moving around a lot as a child and having to make friends time and time again, it has made me much more confident. In my career now I have to move around my company meeting people at all levels of seniority. Had i not learnt at a young age how to gain rapport with someone quickly, I don't think i would have found it as easy to do my job now. And I don't think it's just about confidence, it is also about adaptability and being able to read people - by being able to this it is much easier for people to feel they are able to relate to you.