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Shame-Based vs. Guilt-Based Society: Which makes repatriation easier?
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While listening to my home church pastor’s sermon, I was inspired to think more about how my own values are shaped due to my Korean heritage and having lived in Japan for five and a half years. Repatriation is an issue for many TCKs due to becoming hidden immigrants in their parent(s)’s country where they look alike but think different.
Before discussing which of the shame- and guilt-based societies is easier to repatriate, I would like to borrow the definiotions of shame and guilt from the Cambridge dictonary.
The dictionary defines
shame: loss of honour and respect
guilt: the fact of having done something wrong or committed a crime
From these definitions and the inspiration by the pastor, I can discuss that shame is defined by “who you are” while guilt is “what you do.” Shame-based cultures define you by the image of who you are but guilt-based cultures define you by individuality, right and worng based on the law.
The pastor said that when he learned the Viriginia Tech shooter (Cho Seung Hui) was Korean, he apologized to his caucasian friends as a Korean. He thought of the reason why he apologized. It felt right to him and it was because he believed what he did reflected on himself and others.
Many Asian, Middle Eastern, and African countries are shame-based countries. Of the many, Japan could be an extreme case. Not only their uniformity of style, clothes, manners, speech, and formality, Japan even has a saying that”Nail sticking out of a piece of wood, it will be hammered in.”
If the society is shame-oriented, then would it mean being different (a prevalent issue among TCKs) is hard to cope with than in a guilt-based society? I would like to hear more views on the the guilt-based society.
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July 6th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
@ ISA
I know. For 20 years I was told not I was not a “real” Australian because my parents are Croatian, I don’t have an “Australian” accent (I did, it just sounded prettier than theres :P) etc etc etc
You know, now that I live abroad I am called Australian by everyone and it just mortifies me. They ask me what I am, I say Croatian. They ask me about the war, I tell them I was born in Australia. Than they introduce me as the Australian girl which makes my blood curdle. “How can you be Croatian if you were not born or raised there”. I have citizenship, suckas!! So I just confuse everyone. And though I have “friends” in Australia (also all Ethnic) they don’t understand why I don’t like the country and plan on never returning. My oldest friend in the world asked me if she got married would I come because she wants me to be there and I told her, sorry sweetheart, I can’t go back. Not even for a week.
I don’t know…typical TCK/CCK’s - when we move on from a place we really DO move on because we have at least a dozen other places we have romantic notions about living in
lol
@ MIYON
We apppreciate your soul-searching and perceptive persona. In fact, this thread was so inspiring I want to share the concept on a few other social sites I am a part of because I see the parallels of how it can be aplied to ALL minorities e.g. Native American & African-American peoples in the US etc etc etc
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July 6th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Aww.. MsMerising,
you are melting my heart.
I highly encourage you to share th concept on other sites. If I were your mom, I would be proud of you to see all these parallels applicable to all minorities.
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July 6th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Miyon this is a very moving post!
And it is very clear cut on most societies bearings.
From what i’ve learn i think Africans and Asians have alot in common than they let themselves believe when it comes to attitudes especially on the basis of shame, guilt, community and conformity.
The fact is that i saw alot of that when i met a good number my asian friends families, usually it’s the same views, i’m not sure if anyone has seen the fine line with this:).
An MsMerising, you are a strong person most definitely! i applaud you to the highest and like everyone before i’m glad you made it out and you’re here and giving us joy.
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July 6th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Damn…are we about to exchange rings & have a group wedding? All these damn feelings
lol
@ BABOU
Like you I see so many parallels between so many “cultures” when it comes to behaviors, traumas etc Though there respective histories may be different there are similar methods of behavior which just goes to show there is only “one people” and it’s the human family
TCK/CCK…we are the the natural Diplomats man…I have no doubt about this!
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