Settling???
If there is anything that has been bothering me lately, its the issue of settling. Where am I going to work, where am I going to live?
I’m a foreign student studying Pubic Health and almost everyone I meet wants to know what I will do next. Most of my foreign friends are content with retuning back to their home countries and working there. But I guess I’m afraid of that because of how hard it was for me the last time I had to repatriate. But the fact is I don’t want to stay here forever either.
Anayawa Nyambe
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5 Comments to “Settling???”
April 16th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I feel you. I don’t think I would want to repatriate. This is when I go “darn…this is no good xP”
Would you have a year or two left of school when you go back to the country, Anayawa?
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April 17th, 2008 at 1:57 am
I’d start looking at job opportunities already - outside of your passport country if possible. Repatriation is almost the worst thing that can happen to a TCK who’s pretty much happier everywhere than in his own country.
Good luck with it.
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April 17th, 2008 at 5:03 am
I’ve been repatriated for over 12 years. I felt I needed to connect with my home country, and I feel stronger for it. My feelings were that I was sick of feeling ungrounded and insecure in my identity.
Now, I’m not saying I know exactly who I am, but now I’ve gained security, emotionally, in order to assess how my backgroud has influenced me and what I want for my goals in the future. Some of that is age, some of it is being in my passport country.
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April 17th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Thanks for the advice, I still have 2 years to study here before I must go back. Unless I decide to further my studies.
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April 18th, 2008 at 4:06 am
Kristina,
I find your words very interesting. I have a lot of those feelings, I feel alienated from my “home” country, my parents home country. I don’t feel like I belong in the country I have lived and studied in most my life and I’m starting to be afraid that because I know the system so well and my diplomas are from there I’ll ultimately end up being stuck there (which is NOT something I want to do).
As Ayako mentioned, I’ve considered my only real option as looking for a job outside both of my two passport countries. I simply don’t want to stay in the country I studied in and I’m afraid of going “home” because I’m afraid of realizing that I’m no longer “from there” (and most of all actually confronting that feeling). Actually, this is the first time I actually express it out loud (or in public/writing/whatever).
I was actually surprised about your comment. That thought has never truly crossed my mind (despite that I often tell people I plan on going back I guess just so I don’t have to explain why I don’t want to live in either A or B country). I have always thought that if I do go back, I will always feel like a foreigner. Hell, I don’t even know my family’s history, much less my country’s (although I know another country’s history better).
My parents did a pretty good job of making me keep my “home” culture. Inside of me, those nostalgic feelings and that comfort when I’m down always come from my tiny little village, my childhood in my parent’s country. However, I know I’m not like all the rest. Will I ever be able to go “home”? To FEEL like somewhere is home? There? I guess I just came to accept the fact that feeling at home for me is when I’m in a country where everyone knows I’m not at home but lets me be anyways, without asking those probing questions.
In any case, it’s good to know that going “back” can provide that stability and emotional comfort. Even if it will never be complete. I just didn’t imagine it could be possible.
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