seeking advice..
Ok, so I just posted the “I want a boyfriend” entry, lol, but now I’m posting something a little more serious. It’s pretty long, so thanks to those that read it.
I was born and raised in Chile untill I was 13 years old. I turned 14 in the Philippines. When my family moved there we lived at a graduate school with an extremely international community. So I went to an international high school (actually 9th and 10th grade) with kids from all over the world. My brother and I were the only hispanics in the school. It wasn’t that big of a deal for me and soon I made great friends from Rwanda, South Africa, Korea, Indonesia, the US, Taiwan, and also from the Philippines. I still keep in touch with them.
Then for 11th grade I went back to Chile to boarding school. I hated my country and most of the people, and although by the end of that year I had adjusted again and I had made a few good friends, I left and went back to the Philippines.
For 12th grade I went to a Filipino school, I was the only Hispanic in the entire campus, and pretty much the only kid that didn’t speak Tagalog. I didn’t get to learn the language because I went to that school only for 4 months and graduated.
Then I came to the US, to Michigan, where I’m attending a Christian University. The student body is also very international and by now (my 15th month here) I have made friends (not close yet, but still…friends), and I’ve pretty much “adjusted” to this place.
Now, I say “adjusted” in quoataion marks because I’m really not sure if I actually got used to being here or I feel ok now because I’m leaving again. So..here’s what happened. Most of this year I was freaking depressed. Especially during the witner. For me cold whether is absolute hell…I can’t stand it! Anyways, besides form the weather I’ve been having serious financial issues, and I haven’t seen my family since I left the Phils 15 months ago. I’ve been working my butt off (20 hours a week) during every semester (3 so far) and full time in the summer. I have a 3.6 GPA and my teachers love me. I socialize with a lot of people, and different crews/clicks in the school know who I am, but STILL, I’ve been extremely lonely and confused most of the year. There came a point where I didn’t want to get up and I skipped all my classes for a week.
Anyways…my parents worried about me and promised to send me to Chile this summer. I’m really happy because I’ll get to see them (they’re moving back from the Philippines), my brother, and the rest of my family. As soon as I found out that I was leaving I got “well” and everything was ok. Now, on top of this, I’m not coming back to school next year but instead I’m going to Africa to work for an NGO. When this came up my mood absolutely changed and I feel HAPPY again.
I’m just really scared that I’m “happy” because I’m leaving, not because I’m truly better/less-depressed. I want to do a good job next year, and I really want to enjoy my time in Africa. I LOVE moving around, and I enjoy the part of entering a new culture. It’s the “being there” part that sucks. And I don’t want it to suck anymore.
So……are there any suggestions? Is the answer settleling down for a few years? I’m coming back to this school two years from now, so I’m not really leaving. At least I don’t feel like I am. But still, I really just want to be a happy person, I want to enjoy any place where I live, and I want to learn to love and accept any culture. I guess my main concern right now is that I don’t want to “get depressed” again when I’m in Africa. Any tips on how to get over my “depression” for good?
April 12th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Hola Costanza,
Glad I could help some
Let me know if there is anything I can help you with
Es mas dificil para ti Chile, yo lo veo como un viajero/extranjero…no es lo mismo que cuando es tu pais…me paso lo mismo con Argentina, hay gente que lo ama, yo lo odio
Es normal que juzgues tu pais mas duramente que otros 
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April 12th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Constanza, in my second year of college I got depressed a lot. I knew one of the reasons is the dormitory I lived and the people that surrounded me all the time. I have no regrets and don’t blame anyone but now that I look back, rather than doing all I can to bear with the lifestyle and the environment I was in, it might have been better to just move to another dormitory.
This sounds rather personal and is probably no where near the difficulties you have faced, but I wanted to let you know that when there are more things on your plate than you can handle, it’s sometimes better to move to some place else that does not give you as much on your plate. I have to agree with Jamila, though. You have to examine whether you are doing this to escape.
I feel you. I wish I could do anything to help you.
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April 12th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Tony,
If I were in your situation I would have found it stressful to decide what to do next and became worrisome of where your life was going to take you.
I would like to say one thing: Do it at your PACE. Whether it be language-learning, Physics, other subjects and leisure activities -> don’t worry about how others can learn faster than you do. And don’t focus on how everyone else seems to know something you don’t.
I cannot give you practical suggestions as to what to do in Bolivia or what to do if you decided to stay in Canada due to my lack of knowledge but I would like you to know that it’s all about “how best can I build the foundation of my studies?” if moving to Bolivia is going to hinder you from laying a firm foundation of your studies and further prevent you from understanding the school subject, then it’s probably better for you to stay in Canada (Of course, other factors should be taken into account so I am not suggesting this is the answer).
But then if you think moving to Bolivia is going to be difficult for you but is worth the long time to finish up your BSc, then I would say go for it.
That’s the best advice I can give. I am suggesting you should follow it, but take into consideration.
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April 12th, 2008 at 11:59 am
*oops, I mean I am not suggesting you should follow it, but take into consideration.
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April 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Thank you Miyon!
sorry I haven’t posted here for a while. I’ve been super busy with school work..I have three weeks of school left and my semester will be over! yay!!
anyways, i think what’s added to all the suckiness of being here is that i’ve had big problems with my roomate..well, ex-roomate. i moved out.
she’s german so i guess she was trying to get used to this country herself, but i couldnt STAND living with her after a while…
but yea. the more i think of it the more i know that what i want is to go to Tanzania next school year. I’m really excited already and I can’t wait to be there! I’ve been doing some research on the country and I think I’ll like it a lot..
anways
thanks for caring so much
and if you believe in God you can always pray for me….hehe
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April 14th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
yea..chile’s weather isn’t too nice…better than michigan FOR SURE.
but what i miss is THE PHILIPPIIINNNNEESSSS!!!!
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April 19th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
hey Constanza, I relate to many of your feelings! I feel very much like you in many aspects!
Like Warona said, I’ve also realised that in some cases, if I’m not happy here (in my ‘home’ country) I’ll not be happy anywhere. But there is one big factor here that mono-cultural people might forget: it’s easier to deal with your problems and depression when you’re not struggling to survive in the role of the Hidden Immigrant
Moving might be an escape? yes it might. But isn’t that why people go to spas, spiritual retreats? to get out of the place that’s hurting/stressing them so they can heal?
At least that’s how I feel and what I tell myself. Forget what people say about you “escaping”, see it as a way to relief some of the pain you feel so that you can concentrate on healing your issues.
(have you read the TCK book by the way? it helped me see/understand many of my issues)
But this is just how I feel. Like other people say, do things at YOUR pace, move where YOU feel will be better for you, learn about yourself, heal your issues, search for YOUR answers and YOUR definition of who you are.
If you feel lost now, just keep exploring who you are and what you like and dislike, with time you’ll “find yourself”.
I hope I was helpful!
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