seeking advice.. | TCKID 2.0

seeking advice..

Ok, so I just posted the “I want a boyfriend” entry, lol, but now I’m posting something a little more serious. It’s pretty long, so thanks to those that read it.

I was born and raised in Chile untill I was 13 years old. I turned 14 in the Philippines. When my family moved there we lived at a graduate school with an extremely international community. So I went to an international high school (actually 9th and 10th grade) with kids from all over the world. My brother and I were the only hispanics in the school. It wasn’t that big of a deal for me and soon I made great friends from Rwanda, South Africa, Korea, Indonesia, the US, Taiwan, and also from the Philippines. I still keep in touch with them.

Then for 11th grade I went back to Chile to boarding school. I hated my country and most of the people, and although by the end of that year I had adjusted again and I had made a few good friends, I left and went back to the Philippines.

For 12th grade I went to a Filipino school, I was the only Hispanic in the entire campus, and pretty much the only kid that didn’t speak Tagalog. I didn’t get to learn the language because I went to that school only for 4 months and graduated.

Then I came to the US, to Michigan, where I’m attending a Christian University. The student body is also very international and by now (my 15th month here) I have made friends (not close yet, but still…friends), and I’ve pretty much “adjusted” to this place.

Now, I say “adjusted” in quoataion marks because I’m really not sure if I actually got used to being here or I feel ok now because I’m leaving again. So..here’s what happened. Most of this year I was freaking depressed. Especially during the witner. For me cold whether is absolute hell…I can’t stand it! Anyways, besides form the weather I’ve been having serious financial issues, and I haven’t seen my family since I left the Phils 15 months ago. I’ve been working my butt off (20 hours a week) during every semester (3 so far) and full time in the summer. I have a 3.6 GPA and my teachers love me. I socialize with a lot of people, and different crews/clicks in the school know who I am, but STILL, I’ve been extremely lonely and confused most of the year. There came a point where I didn’t want to get up and I skipped all my classes for a week.

Anyways…my parents worried about me and promised to send me to Chile this summer. I’m really happy because I’ll get to see them (they’re moving back from the Philippines), my brother, and the rest of my family. As soon as I found out that I was leaving I got “well” and everything was ok. Now, on top of this, I’m not coming back to school next year but instead I’m going to Africa to work for an NGO. When this came up my mood absolutely changed and I feel HAPPY again.

I’m just really scared that I’m “happy” because I’m leaving, not because I’m truly better/less-depressed. I want to do a good job next year, and I really want to enjoy my time in Africa. I LOVE moving around, and I enjoy the part of entering a new culture. It’s the “being there” part that sucks. And I don’t want it to suck anymore.

So……are there any suggestions? Is the answer settleling down for a few years? I’m coming back to this school two years from now, so I’m not really leaving. At least I don’t feel like I am. But still, I really just want to be a happy person, I want to enjoy any place where I live, and I want to learn to love and accept any culture. I guess my main concern right now is that I don’t want to “get depressed” again when I’m in Africa. Any tips on how to get over my “depression” for good?

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Posted by Constanza at 6:20 pm on April 3rd, 2008. Comments
Categories: General Forum.

  • mairabay
    hey Constanza, I relate to many of your feelings! I feel very much like you in many aspects!

    Like Warona said, I've also realised that in some cases, if I'm not happy here (in my 'home' country) I'll not be happy anywhere. But there is one big factor here that mono-cultural people might forget: it's easier to deal with your problems and depression when you're not struggling to survive in the role of the Hidden Immigrant

    Moving might be an escape? yes it might. But isn't that why people go to spas, spiritual retreats? to get out of the place that's hurting/stressing them so they can heal?

    At least that's how I feel and what I tell myself. Forget what people say about you "escaping", see it as a way to relief some of the pain you feel so that you can concentrate on healing your issues.

    (have you read the TCK book by the way? it helped me see/understand many of my issues)

    But this is just how I feel. Like other people say, do things at YOUR pace, move where YOU feel will be better for you, learn about yourself, heal your issues, search for YOUR answers and YOUR definition of who you are.

    If you feel lost now, just keep exploring who you are and what you like and dislike, with time you'll "find yourself".

    I hope I was helpful!
  • yea..chile's weather isn't too nice...better than michigan FOR SURE.
    but what i miss is THE PHILIPPIIINNNNEESSSS!!!!
  • Thank you Miyon!
    sorry I haven't posted here for a while. I've been super busy with school work..I have three weeks of school left and my semester will be over! yay!!

    anyways, i think what's added to all the suckiness of being here is that i've had big problems with my roomate..well, ex-roomate. i moved out.
    she's german so i guess she was trying to get used to this country herself, but i couldnt STAND living with her after a while...

    but yea. the more i think of it the more i know that what i want is to go to Tanzania next school year. I'm really excited already and I can't wait to be there! I've been doing some research on the country and I think I'll like it a lot..

    anways :)
    thanks for caring so much
    and if you believe in God you can always pray for me....hehe :D
  • *oops, I mean I am not suggesting you should follow it, but take into consideration.
  • Tony,
    If I were in your situation I would have found it stressful to decide what to do next and became worrisome of where your life was going to take you.

    I would like to say one thing: Do it at your PACE. Whether it be language-learning, Physics, other subjects and leisure activities -> don't worry about how others can learn faster than you do. And don't focus on how everyone else seems to know something you don't.

    I cannot give you practical suggestions as to what to do in Bolivia or what to do if you decided to stay in Canada due to my lack of knowledge but I would like you to know that it's all about "how best can I build the foundation of my studies?" if moving to Bolivia is going to hinder you from laying a firm foundation of your studies and further prevent you from understanding the school subject, then it's probably better for you to stay in Canada (Of course, other factors should be taken into account so I am not suggesting this is the answer).

    But then if you think moving to Bolivia is going to be difficult for you but is worth the long time to finish up your BSc, then I would say go for it.

    That's the best advice I can give. I am suggesting you should follow it, but take into consideration.
  • Constanza, in my second year of college I got depressed a lot. I knew one of the reasons is the dormitory I lived and the people that surrounded me all the time. I have no regrets and don't blame anyone but now that I look back, rather than doing all I can to bear with the lifestyle and the environment I was in, it might have been better to just move to another dormitory.

    This sounds rather personal and is probably no where near the difficulties you have faced, but I wanted to let you know that when there are more things on your plate than you can handle, it's sometimes better to move to some place else that does not give you as much on your plate. I have to agree with Jamila, though. You have to examine whether you are doing this to escape.

    I feel you. I wish I could do anything to help you.
  • Jemila
    Hola Costanza,

    Glad I could help some :)

    Let me know if there is anything I can help you with :)

    Es mas dificil para ti Chile, yo lo veo como un viajero/extranjero...no es lo mismo que cuando es tu pais...me paso lo mismo con Argentina, hay gente que lo ama, yo lo odio :) Es normal que juzgues tu pais mas duramente que otros :)
  • Jemila
    Hi Tony,

    I'm not sure what exactly about Chilean weather reminds you of "Africa"...even the north of Chile is cold in winter...unless you are talking about South Africa, which is temperate...otherwise...there isn't really African like weather in Chile.
  • tony
    I'm not sure why, but of all the countries I've lived in I feel the least at home in North America. I don't know why perhaps it is because of the relative youth of the country and that perhaps on some level Canada and the US are still developing their "Cultural Identity".

    I always feel very confused in Canada and to a lesser degree the US (I've never lived in the US long term, so don't have a basis for that).

    About Africa: The warm weather will definitely feel more like your native Chile, I'm guessing that if you don't like Michigan weather you aren't from southern Chile.
  • hehe..i'll be in Tanzania...
    and omg...today is one of those days when i'm just freaking out and have no idea what to do...
    i'm just scared of...life? haha..i'm scared of moving and i'm scared of staying. i don't know which one i'm supposed to do...
    i don't think i've fully adjusted to the US (Michigan)...but I don't know if it's actually necessary for me to be used to living here in order to give myself permission to move elsewhere.
    I just...DON'T KNOWWWWWWW.................
    And I'm scared of getting depressed there again, because I want to do a good job and I actually want to enjoy the experience..so I don't know.

    I guess I won't know till I'm there..
  • tony
    This is somewhat similiar to the situation I am finding my self in currently. I have been in Canada for the last 8 years and have been miserable. A mi no me gusta el invierno acqui para nada, I'm always miserable, and I find it embarrassing because I am Canadian by birth and feel pressure from my parents to "BE" Canadian. Winter is a huge part of Canadian life, but I moved before I learnt how to walk let alone skate or play hockey or any of the other things that Canadians do to enjoy the winter.

    My parents have suggested I come live with them in Bolivia, as good as my conversational Spanish is Physics isn't really something I think I could easily start over in another language, and who knows when my parents will leave for another country again.

    I currently seem to be finding it difficult to stay in one country long enough to finish a BSc, this is compounded by my learning disabilities (reduced course load means longer degree)


    What to do what to do
  • warona
    one of the things i have found difficult about being tck is sometimes we can't tell the difference of whether its just an itch to move, or if it is full on depression that will follow us wherever we go. i can remember telling my then boyfriend (now fiancé, i feel so posh when i say that...) that i was MISERABLE in botswana and wanted to move. he kept emphasizing that if i was miserable then i'd be miserable anywhere and i had to deal with my demons. it was tough explaining to him (and figuring out for myself) that this was not true. the country depressed me, i needed out, as soon as i left (in fact as soon as i knew i was leaving) i was instantly happy.

    the trick here is to know yourself and/or talk to yourself enough so that you know or are at least majority sure that it is the PLACE that is not rubbing you right. that is tough thing to do, sometimes you just gotta make the leap and figure it out later. if you are still depressed in (exactly what country wil you be in in africa? big continent hey, 53 countries and all...)your new location then at least you would have added another country to your list of places you've lived so it won't be all a waste, right?

    good luck!
  • Ayako
    Way to go girl! Life isn't perfect so it's all about looking for the best options that are 'possible'. :)))
  • Ayako
    Would working for the NGO solve some of your financial problems, Constanza? If so I think this might be a good move.

    I don't think anyone can be happy when they feel financial pressure all the time.

    Getting a break from feeling this kind of pressure will surely be good for you.

    Good luck & stay happy :)
  • Jemila
    Querida Costanza,

    I feel for you, it's tough going through the things that you are. I am not sure anybody can give you any advise, this is a very personal choice, all I can do is maybe help you with my experiences.

    It could be that you are happy because you are better, that being were you are sucks you dry of energy because of all the problems that you have, that is why the prospect of moving sounds grate, but you should ask yourself if you are not escaping. Creo que volver a Chile y estar con tus papas es lo mejor que te puede pasar, no se si te coviene luego ir a Africa.

    In my experience moving countries and cultures becomes more and more difficult as years go by, and the experiences and thrills that we had as moved start usual change, because we change.
    Life starts weighing on us, responsibilities, choices, anxieties,aches that we never sat down to analyze start appearing...all that moving around takes a toll on us, and we have to face the music at some point.

    I had to wonder who was I without all the traveling and the countries and the cultures...which are all fine and well, but who am I?

    I really can't tell you to go or to stay, I think the best is to go "Home" (Which by the way is awesome, and we are moving to Santiago this year) try and collect the little pieces of yourself and do some healing con tus papis and then decide whta you want to do, but don't pressure yourself, you are doing the best that you can with the tools that you have right now. You WILL feel better, You WILL come out of it, YOU WILL find your way to feeling better in your own skin, it takes time and it's hard, pero todos esos pequenos componenetes que te hacen la bella persona que eres a veces son un poco jocosos y dificiles de poner en orden :)

    I promise you won't feel like this forever, and if you do put off your trip don't beat yourself up with "Deberia, o Tendria" you will when you can, and you decide to go and don't enjoy it as much as you think you should...the same don't beat yourself up.

    Just think you are healing...and the recovery takes time :)

    The only advise that I would give you is: If you have the opportunity of seeing a professional counselor, I would go, it might help you.

    Otherwise, si quieres escribirme, mi mail es jemila910 at yahoo dot com, feel free to contact me.

    Y Ahora te dejo mi reina :) , keep your chin up, un beso grande desde Argentina,

    Jemila
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