Saying goodbye
eh… ok I have a huge problem. I usually leave places without saying proper goodbyes to people (that is if I even actually say them). It’s just really hard for me so I usually just stop talking to friends and then leave to whatever new place I will live in. This usually results in friends hating me and me being miserable in the long term. The thing is that I’m leaving in about 10 days and I haven’t even told any of my friends that I’m moving about 5000 miles away… and I don’t want to replay the same scenario again. Soooooo…. how do you say goodbye to people? Also, does anyone have reccomendations as to how to make it easier upon yourself?
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12 Comments to “Saying goodbye”
January 14th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Saying goodbye is usually pretty tough. But with the internet being such a great technology nowadays I usually tell them “We’ll see each other online!” or “I’ll come back and visit!”
I use Facebook a lot and usually let my friends know what I’m up to on there. If you and your friends use a certain online communication media a lot you can use that, it’s as if you never left
That usually helps me.
I really think you should tell your friends straight up that you are going to move (again) and 10 days is in fact pretty short notice. If you have mentioned this a month ago they would probably have been more appreciative because they know how much time they have left with you. 10 days is pretty short…but that’s too late for that.
Just let them know that you won’t forget them and that you will always keep in touch. At least let them know now instead of wait until the day before you have to go. Have a goodbye party so all of you will have fun
Well that probably didn’t help much LOL
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January 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Similar to what Cynthia was saying — saying “Goodbye” does not mean saying “Goodbye Forever”, so don’t stress it too much.
I do understand where you’re coming from when you say you find goodbyes uncomfortable (because I’m not the best at them either) but they are entirely necessary when closing one chapter and moving on to another. Not saying goodbye leaves something open, without proper closure. The good things about goodbyes in today’s world, there’s so many different ways of keeping in touch, even if you’re 10,000 miles away! The Internet, Facebook, cheap (or free!) international phone calls, etc etc. Definitely use these methods of keeping in touch. 
Out of curiosity, where are you moving to?
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January 15th, 2008 at 4:19 am
I’d say tell them you’re leaving ASAP. tell them they can come visit anytime, you’ll do your best to come back and visit (even if you know it’ll never happen, it’ll make them feel better) and tell them you’ll keep in touch (even though you know that won’t last long either, it’ll make them feel better).
So yeah that way, they won’t hate you, and it’ll be a nice transition of still being in contact with your old friends while you readjust to your new life. And sometimes, you can stay in touch with your old friends for years and years and years.
And like Sindhu said, facebook and new technology really helps too.
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January 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I think goodbye parties are important. It’s a way of celebrating your time there, and getting some closure at the same time.
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January 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I agree. When I went to elementary school in Japan during my summer vacation (yes my parents made me go to school grrrr!), they always had a goodbye party for me before I went back to the Philippines. I remember these were some of the best times I had with Japanese people lol
Now that I think about it - I still had a chance to repatriate properly during this period, but once I was in middle school it was impossible. The cultural differences became as wide as the Great Rift Valley and I couldn’t even have fun like I did with the kids at elementary school anymore…
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January 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Thanks for all the advice ^_^
… the thing is (and I’m ashamed to admit it) I’m scared… really really scared of facing my friends. I don’t know how to tell them that I’m leaving and I know that if I say it it will be something like “well, I’m moving in a few days and I probably won’t see you in years. bye!!!”. And that isn’t a good way of saying good bye.
I would love to do a party and stuff but it’s too late for getting everyone together. I have facebook too and I’m thinking of just puting the note that I’m moving on there… ehhh. I know that I’m ranting but I’m so nervous. It’s horrible. I’m never this nervous… ugh
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January 15th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
It’s okay… goodbyes are difficult, so don’t be too hard on yourself! I definitely think you should tell them in person (rather than on Facebook or something!) because they are your friends and they deserve that sort of respect from you.
Good luck!
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January 15th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
I like what Sindhu said, saying goodbye is like closing a chapter properly in your life and also like Sindhu said don’t do it on Facebook. BUT if it helps you can write a note on there BEFORE you leave and then when you see them (before you leave of course) just say “did you see that note?” I know getting the proper words out is tough.
Don’t break it to them quickly, do it slow so that they can take in words bit by bit.
Here’s just something I thought maybe that can help you (usually when I find that I have a hard time to say something I will write out a draft and memorize it and then say, usually I end up saying my own words, it just makes me more comfortable this way):
“Hey guys, I have some news. I might be gone for a very long time, not sure when I will return but we will keep in touch right? :)” And be all happy and stuff. LOL
Ok maybe that’s not a good one…but I tried XD
Good luck and please do let us know if we can help you or how it turned out
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January 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
You better tell them in real life. Cynthia’s option sounds safe. I once texted a friend here about not being able to make it that day because I was really really sick. I was in bed feeling ill and in pain! And she went ape shit over this saying how rude it was not to ‘call’ her. But because of this very temperament she has I just wasn’t up to listening to her voice at all…because well, I was feeling weak and ill. < —proceeds to ignore me for one month and ranted at me when I finally called.
I think imposing your own values on your friends like this is unhealthy and since then I’ve distanced myself from her a bit.
I’ve also had friends who got mad when I went out with other friends although this very same friend used to cancel dates with me to go out with other people freely.
You know - you can’t care too much about what friends think if they’re going to be so selfish.
If a few go ape shit on you or try to make you feel bad for something you can’t change….like moving away - don’t let it get to you. It’s not as though you set their house on fire or planned this to hurt people for crying out loud…
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January 16th, 2008 at 9:56 am
I’m not sure this is a good idea because it might open up to more questions, but here it goes:
If they get mad or ask “why didn’t you tell me before?”. Be honest and explain to them that it’s hard for you to say goodbye, because you’ve moved so much, etc.
If they know the truth and they are tolerant people (if not, I don’t think they’re worthy of your friendship), they’ll understand.
But anyway, this is just my suggestion.
Good luck with that, I hope it goes well.
PS: I also like Cynthia’s idea of putting a message on FB and commenting with yr friends about it.
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January 16th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
party! party! party! its never too late for a party. you don’t have to have it at yours, just tell a bunch of friends to meet you at a restaurant and announce it after a drink or two then bow out.
i too like to just leave. don’t do goodbyes, not well anyway. (not so much because i don’t like them or that they hurt, but more because i don’t see them as a big deal, even though experience has taught me otherwise. its like, i don’t know, going on holiday? moving apartments? why do i need to have a big tralala?) but i think due to my personality my friends forgive me because they know that i meant no harm and that i have the propensity to just up and leave. and they do have the option to visit, its not your fault if they don’t take you up on it.
but tell them, really, even if only 3 or 4 show up
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January 20th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Thank you to everyone for the advice!!!
I couldn’t actually arange anything but I did call everyone… gosh it feels so better once you’ve said goodbye… I don’t feel scared or guilty anymore
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