Q2: How do you justify yourself as a third culture kid?
I feel that I don’t really have a sense of belonging anywhere. Even though I consider Singapore my home, I am not a permanent resident there. Now whenever I go back to Singapore, I am on a tourist visa and can only stay in the country for 30 days maximum. The place that I used to call home is no longer really my home, and everytime I go back it keeps on changing. Friends are all over the place and I haven’t seen my best friends for more than 2 years.
Do you have a similar experience? Or are there any other reasons for you to feel that you are a TCK?
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8 Comments to “Q2: How do you justify yourself as a third culture kid?”
September 10th, 2008 at 4:42 am
No it’s not a feeling…it’s a reality
No, I don’t belong in Nigeria, at this point I have let go of my attachment to it…which has left me with a sense of abandonment, without direction…almost as if things didn’t make sense anymore…
Argentina, is not and will never be home… to much history (unpleasant history) I don’t think I could ever make peace with it. I am nothing like Argentineans, I don’t like them…the expect me to conform to some stupid mold…because I don’t they think I am showing off, I’m pompous or they just downright don’t care about me, or my feelings…
The only place that was a breath of fresh air for me was South Africa, I felt like I could be myself there, without being judged, or told it wasn’t right…I could be a white african, a Latina, a european….whatever I wanted…eventually when I got my citizenship, a south african…I was free for a while…TO BE ME!
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September 13th, 2008 at 4:58 am
WEll, I’ve lived in a number of places. Currently in Manila, Philippines. One of my best friends is back in Paris. I have a high school diploma (the IB) that is pretty much recognized everywhere but my passport country (Philippines).
I feel like a chameleon. I blend in and adapt pretty quickly anywere…I am a TCK.
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September 14th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Hi Miki
I just gave you five stars because what you wrote sounds just so perfectly TCK. It’s almost like an operational definition of a TCK in fact.
I have trouble deciding where home is. If I had to choose I’d say IRRI Staff Housing in Los Banos, Laguna, Philippines is my home - although it’s a very different place than it was when I lived there in the 1960-1980s.
I feel I have more mental stability living in Spain where the culture doesn’t suit me at all versus Japan.
It’s better to be a stranger in a strange land than a stranger amongst one’s own.
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September 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Jemila > Isn’t it strange how you found a home in South Africa, whereas I have never felt that I belong there? It is silly things, like being asked for my passport when I tried to buy a computer. They kept trying to convince me that if I showed them my passport (they thought I was British) then I would be able to get some kinda discount. That wasn’t the only time I’ve been mistaken for a tourist either.
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September 14th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I am surrounded by many people and yet when I feel like I am all alone I feel withdrawn from people even if I am physically there. I am there to listen to people. I am there to make friendships. But it is this feeling of disconnectedness that I experience which leaves me powerless and sad.
People don’t see that this is what I struggle with. I put on a smile and I am okay with having no one to understand this where I live. I think as a TCK I have learned to cope with loneliness which comes from many losses. I am thinking of writing a post regarding friendships sometime soon because while this loss of friends seems like a sad reality, there is much potential to grow through this and to make it a positive motive to take on a healthy path.
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September 15th, 2008 at 5:56 am
I am luckier than most in the sense that my “homes” and the places I lived while growing up are places that I still “belong” to. The biggest problem for me has been growing up in both places and always, no matter which place, being the “other” when there (ie being French in the US and being American in France). I have always been “that french girl” in the US or “that american girl” in France. My big difference with respect to the generic TCK is that I have moved back and forth and have always had the opportunity of moving “back” to whatever was my last location (except recently).
However, there is no doubt in my mind that I am a TCK. My first reaction when reading the book was so strong and so profound that I actually only read a few pages and put it down for a year before finishing it. I am “multicultural”, I have more than one “home”, I have a different concept of society and culture than many of the (non-tcks) I know by the mere manner in which I was raised. It is an essential part of my development as a human and conciously discovering this allowed me to develop more fully and pass a stage of “lost identity” .
I agree with what André said, I definitely feel like a chameleon…when I go places I am often asked if I am from there/ have lived their my whole life, etc., when I’ve only been there a short while… the essence of my personality is an attempt to adapt to the situation around me without denying my true self to anyone (and especially to myself).
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September 17th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Hi Miki,
If I understood correctly you are asking how did I conclude I was a TCK. Actually I found out about it just a few months ago, around the time you posted your research help request.
Reading about other TCKs experiences and feelings, the one that made me be sure I indeed was a TCK, it’s the ‘where is home, since the home country is just so miserably extraneous’. It impacted me to such a deep extent, that I don’t think I’m able to convey the significance. It was like reading black-on-white thoughts that I never believed could be understood and experienced by others. It was thoughts and feelings and practical day-to-day living that during all these years I had kept for myself. It’s all the implications of such question and all the concrete impact of the feelings that come with it… and that I was listening from others!
Cheers,
Ezio
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September 20th, 2008 at 6:48 am
I’m not really sure. Whenever I move, every place feels the same, there’s no more excitement to moving. None of the kapow and zing of settling into a new home…it’s all kind of mundane nowadays.
Nowadays I don’t focus on the geographical location anymore, but more on how I adapt to a place culturally and socially. It’s not about colour, it’s about what one believes in. It’s not about what you’re used to, but rather what you can discover in a new place.
True enough, in typical TCK style, I seem to be able to fit into almost any society. But somehow, I don’t actually like or enjoy all of them.
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