prohibited from being a nomad
My identity in being a nomad got hurt a couple of weeks ago when my closest friends in the current (new) location told me that I could not be a nomad since I was not inclined in learning directions really fast (I kept getting lost while driving). Neither of them knew me for longer then half a year and descided to judge me and my identity. Their premise was that I moved for adventure but lacked the skill to orientate myself without a guide.
It hurt so much that I actually put more effort into learning the map of the town… It took me about 15min of effort after which I never got lost again… What this made me realize was that I unconsciously did not want to learn the directions because that meant that I would have had adapted to the place and would no longer so much be a stranger to it; I found that I yearned to feel new to a place, to feel myself a foreigner because the feeling itself is comforting for me. This feeling is the thing that I seek any time I move.. not that of touristy adventure. That is something my “friends” don’t understand because they only see traveling as being a tourist so they choose to judge me by their own criteria… and by doing so they attempt to model me as they wish; robbing me of my identity. Im tired of people judging me and trying to convince tto conform to their culture and abandon my own… Gah.
… And then people wonder why I don’t like to socialize with monoculturals.
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16 Comments to “prohibited from being a nomad”
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
… Oh and I forgot to add… I always try to integrate a new culture into my life but I don’t want to abandon my tck identity / culture while doing so… which becomes somewhat harder when people expect you to integrate COMPLETLEY.
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June 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
“What this made me realize was that I unconsciously did not want to learn the directions because that meant that I would have had adapted to the place and would no longer so much be a stranger to it”
That’s interesting and I can relate to that… I’ve always been bad with directions, and remembering names too, because I figured there was no point in remembering it since I’ll be moving anyways.
But I never saw the connection with maps and directions, I think you’ve taught me something interesting today.
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June 23rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
hey nomad….I know how you feel about people trying to convince you to be like them and wondering why you don’t socialize
I don’t really have any advice right now…I just wanted to say that I know how you feel
I hate when people judge me too and tell me, for example, that I HAVE to watch the (crappy) brazilian soap operas because 99.99% of the country watches, when their stories have **nothing** to do with my values and feelings.
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June 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Being a nomad has NOTHING to do with how well you can read a map. That’s just a stupid, way-too-generalized, misinformed and ignorant judgment in my opinion.
And I never remembered nomads having ANY sense of direction. They just keep wandering and wandering and wandering. If they have a sense of direction they wouldn’t wander right?
It’s people like this that stops the world from moving smoothly…sorry to comment it this way.
Don’t feel bad nomad, you are just as much of a nomad as any of us here. You don’t need to justify to yourself or them that you are one wanderer. And honestly they don’t know themselves as much anyways, it’s just a lot easier to judge other people, take everything with a grain of salt.
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June 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
You guys are amazing =]
Hehee, I’m horribe with names too..
and I can relate to the soap opera thing the whole American footboal ordeal (no offense to any fans though)
though, you guys can’t imagine how much you are making me feel better just by telling me that I’m not alone like this and by relating
How do you deal with monos imposing “culture” on you? I’ve had this problem over and over again everywhere except in international environments..
I try to ignore it but it is hard when I’m the only tck I know
of in town and I have to either simplify (which is in a way lying) because people are not grasping the idea that I don’t identify myself with any one of my homes more than other… Or tell the truth and get people thinking that I’m either bragging or that I’m crazy
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June 24th, 2008 at 6:22 am
the nomad, this probably isn’t going to be that encouraging, but as far as people imposing their culture on me, I’m just extremely bitter about it happening to me (for 11 years in America). I guess my advice to you is just not to hang out with those people, if you explain to them that that’s not you etc. etc. and they still don’t want to listen. I know, having friends is important, but you probably don’t want to end up extremely resentful of the people you hang out with either.
And I second Cynthia, that’s a really, really stupid way to determmine that someone isn’t a nomad, and I completely see where you’re coming from on saying that completely knowning your way around somewhere means you’ve settled and you don’t want that sense of permanence. For you, it’s directions. For me, it’s houses. I absolutely HATE houses, and I will never live in one.
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June 24th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Dealing with non-TCKs isn’t all that hard really, it’s the problem of getting frustrated easily :p As much as I don’t like to say this but I tend to “pretend” I am one of them. However most of my friends are those that I can stand (more or less open-minded and know that the world isn’t the 100 m radius of a circle they are living in). Yes a few times they may show signs of ignorance but in the end it’s all political (not as in politics like government stuff but as in “My opinion is better than yours” type of thing). Remove the politics and it really isn’t all that bad.
However there are people that are just hopeless and I tend to stay away from them.
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June 24th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I’m frustrated with having to pretend to be someone else so I can be accepted… Which is why I started telling people that I was a global
nomad in the first place… Haven’t actually tried saying tck because it would be hard to explain… Not that its not already hard as it is.
even my parents won’t accept the fact that I am a tck (them not really being ones)
… And on the whole, being attempted to be “remodeled”culturally and even being discriminated against on various bases (skin color, origin, culture, accent, gender, etc) by people around me (family,friends, teachers, etc) over and over again over the past years has not been having a good impact on my self esteem.
doreen, I definitely can relate to your feeling of resentment because ive also built it up for some places..
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June 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Looking back on my post, I realize that I just had a lot of pent up anger and frustration that I didnt know I have against monos trying to get me to integrate or judging me because I could not do so completley… Ehhh… The more I thinked about it and read other peoples posts, the more I began to relize that is an inwvitable sacrifice of being (and becoming) a tck. Because I have been judged so many times, I try not to judge others and instead spend more time trying to understand their view and mentality… Which in itself is a gift… Right?
I guess I also went on a slight tangent off of my original topic but I think I want to actually try telling people that I am a tck (using the term in stead of global nomad)
anyone with experience on how people react to that? Or is it the same as if you said you were a global nomad?
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June 25th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Well, what has happened to me is that people have told me that is a term that I “made up” because I want to seem unique. Yes, I made up the term all by myself. Wrote the book, wrote the second edition, created TCKID, and over 1000 user profiles, so I could seem unique. Because I’m really just an American.
At least, that’s the reaction I’ve gotten.
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June 26th, 2008 at 1:34 am
You know, this post reminds me why it’s nice to live outside of your passport country. THen you’re a foreigner, no matter what, and it’s alright, because they never expect you to fit in completely.
Part of me wonders if this is a bigger problem in the US *because* it’s such a large country where travel to other countries is more difficult. A multitude of cultures in one place is pretty alien to a lot of Americans, in a kind of blissful ignorance.
I do still have people here call me one thing or another, but you can’t hold it against them most of the time. The feeling is different. Instead of “You’re American like us! Stop trying to be different!” it’s “I think you’re more American than you are ____” because often they know they don’t necessarily know better.
My advice to you is to not deny who you are, and try to make it something… exotic, to them. Tell them that you’re different, but that different isn’t *bad*. And exotic is better than weird.
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Daniel,
I ONLY live outside my passport country! Americans told me that and continue to tell me that, despite the fact that I’m a citizen of GHANA, didn’t move to America until i was TWELVE, and no longer live there…
Sorry to threadjack…
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Hahahahaha!
Somehow, I’m not surprised! Americans do that, don’t they? I didn’t think of it before really, but now that you mention it it’s so… common!
You notice this? If say, a British tourist comes over to your country, finds out you lived in the UK for a while… he often won’t think you’re British on account of it. There are lots of people living in the UK which no one considers exactly British, including the immigrants themselves.
Americans though, tend to look for the American in everyone. “Weren’t you so happy to live in a freedom-loving country that you were changed forever and are pretty American now?” is the feeling I get, if not the words. ^^
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:41 am
Wow, this post and these comments have been EXACTLY the same thing I’ve been dealing with!! I’ve been reading the rants/raves/advice and it’s all been so good for me. I’m kind of dreading going back to the US after living in China for a while, knowing that they don’t really understand. Even my closest friends are ones who are at least internationally minded, though they are monos. I’ve had such a blast with all the expats here, and I almost want to start a TCK student org at my university. I just long to hang out with other expats/TCKS/CCKs and talk about it rather than just trying to avoid the subject with monoculturals like I do…
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June 26th, 2008 at 3:44 am
OMG, I can completely understand this!
I have problems with finding my way around anywhere, doesn’t matter which country, but I decided to pretty much not learn my way around so that I wouldn’t get too adapted to the country and not want to leave.
Nobody has said anything so horrible as yet, but I’m starting to worry about what happens when I head off on my own and have to find my own way around. =/
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June 26th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
ehhh its weird but I always found my passport country ( not country of origin in my case) to be more accepting of my differences… But that could be because I mostly lived in Montreal where you can easily find people like you because its so international.
though I still don’t want to move back there… Its really weird too. The first time I came back to visit the country after not seeing it for two years, I realized how much I changed and that the location in itself was only a home in memory even though I still had friends there. Its a weird feeling. I cried and wanted to leave almost immediatly… Now I’m scared of going back to my country of origin… After all, I havent been there since I moved away over 10 years ago (I use to want to go back badly until I revisited Canada). But I guess I do need to face it to get some sort of conclusion ( funny thing is, I found myself comparing my “relationship” to physical locations to relationships with people over time)…
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