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prohibited from being a nomad
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My identity in being a nomad got hurt a couple of weeks ago when my closest friends in the current (new) location told me that I could not be a nomad since I was not inclined in learning directions really fast (I kept getting lost while driving). Neither of them knew me for longer then half a year and descided to judge me and my identity. Their premise was that I moved for adventure but lacked the skill to orientate myself without a guide.
It hurt so much that I actually put more effort into learning the map of the town… It took me about 15min of effort after which I never got lost again… What this made me realize was that I unconsciously did not want to learn the directions because that meant that I would have had adapted to the place and would no longer so much be a stranger to it; I found that I yearned to feel new to a place, to feel myself a foreigner because the feeling itself is comforting for me. This feeling is the thing that I seek any time I move.. not that of touristy adventure. That is something my “friends” don’t understand because they only see traveling as being a tourist so they choose to judge me by their own criteria… and by doing so they attempt to model me as they wish; robbing me of my identity. Im tired of people judging me and trying to convince tto conform to their culture and abandon my own… Gah.
… And then people wonder why I don’t like to socialize with monoculturals.
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June 26th, 2008 at 1:34 am
You know, this post reminds me why it’s nice to live outside of your passport country. THen you’re a foreigner, no matter what, and it’s alright, because they never expect you to fit in completely.
Part of me wonders if this is a bigger problem in the US *because* it’s such a large country where travel to other countries is more difficult. A multitude of cultures in one place is pretty alien to a lot of Americans, in a kind of blissful ignorance.
I do still have people here call me one thing or another, but you can’t hold it against them most of the time. The feeling is different. Instead of “You’re American like us! Stop trying to be different!” it’s “I think you’re more American than you are ____” because often they know they don’t necessarily know better.
My advice to you is to not deny who you are, and try to make it something… exotic, to them. Tell them that you’re different, but that different isn’t *bad*. And exotic is better than weird.
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Daniel,
I ONLY live outside my passport country! Americans told me that and continue to tell me that, despite the fact that I’m a citizen of GHANA, didn’t move to America until i was TWELVE, and no longer live there…
Sorry to threadjack…
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Hahahahaha!
Somehow, I’m not surprised! Americans do that, don’t they? I didn’t think of it before really, but now that you mention it it’s so… common!
You notice this? If say, a British tourist comes over to your country, finds out you lived in the UK for a while… he often won’t think you’re British on account of it. There are lots of people living in the UK which no one considers exactly British, including the immigrants themselves.
Americans though, tend to look for the American in everyone. “Weren’t you so happy to live in a freedom-loving country that you were changed forever and are pretty American now?” is the feeling I get, if not the words. ^^
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June 26th, 2008 at 2:41 am
Wow, this post and these comments have been EXACTLY the same thing I’ve been dealing with!! I’ve been reading the rants/raves/advice and it’s all been so good for me. I’m kind of dreading going back to the US after living in China for a while, knowing that they don’t really understand. Even my closest friends are ones who are at least internationally minded, though they are monos. I’ve had such a blast with all the expats here, and I almost want to start a TCK student org at my university. I just long to hang out with other expats/TCKS/CCKs and talk about it rather than just trying to avoid the subject with monoculturals like I do…
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June 26th, 2008 at 3:44 am
OMG, I can completely understand this!
I have problems with finding my way around anywhere, doesn’t matter which country, but I decided to pretty much not learn my way around so that I wouldn’t get too adapted to the country and not want to leave.
Nobody has said anything so horrible as yet, but I’m starting to worry about what happens when I head off on my own and have to find my own way around. =/
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June 26th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
ehhh its weird but I always found my passport country ( not country of origin in my case) to be more accepting of my differences… But that could be because I mostly lived in Montreal where you can easily find people like you because its so international.
though I still don’t want to move back there… Its really weird too. The first time I came back to visit the country after not seeing it for two years, I realized how much I changed and that the location in itself was only a home in memory even though I still had friends there. Its a weird feeling. I cried and wanted to leave almost immediatly… Now I’m scared of going back to my country of origin… After all, I havent been there since I moved away over 10 years ago (I use to want to go back badly until I revisited Canada). But I guess I do need to face it to get some sort of conclusion ( funny thing is, I found myself comparing my “relationship” to physical locations to relationships with people over time)…
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