Parent in denial? What on earth to do?
I think that my parents, especially my father, are in denilal. We moved due to my dads work, but I think he keept uprooting us because he to is a TCK and is allways looking to be some where else. It is almost as if he is running away from things.
I know he has so many unresolved griefs that he just does not no when and where to begin acknowlaging them . I think that my moving was almost a reslut of his runnng away, or inability to be satisfied.
He does not understand the TCK thing and although I have cassualy brought it up to him, he never really wants to talk about it. How on earth should I approach him without sounding pretentious? I just want the best for him. Discovering why I am the way I am through the book and this site has made really opened a new chapter in my life. It has been rocky at times and anazing at others. I really want my father to come to terms with his grief etc. I mean even though we have lived in Oregon for 4 years now he spends at least 5 months every year in Asia, or Israel. mmmmm… any throughts?
thanks
Peace Lauren
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5 Comments to “Parent in denial? What on earth to do?”
May 1st, 2008 at 5:55 pm
oops. I meant amazing, not anazing.
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May 2nd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Lauren,
The March 2008 issue of Among Worlds magazine was specifically centered around Grief that TCKs encounter.
Think he would read a magazine?
Margie
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May 2nd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I don’t think we can help heal others who aren’t ready for it. Maybe your father isn’t ready for it because he isn’t ready to face aspects of his own childhood travels, maybe he isn’t ready for it because he’s worried that you’re indirectly, covertly implying that you want him to stop traveling and he’s not ready to. Maybe he isn’t into labels of any kind. Either way, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force him to drink - you have let your father know that there’s information to be found, but he isn’t ready to receive it.
It sounds to me as though you’d love to have a more open connection with your father, perhaps an added bond by the fact that you may have had shared experiences in those travels. Could it be an option to ask your dad if he’s willing to tell you something about his travels? Not in short anecdotes, but perhaps you can ask him to write down his experiences, or tell you his experiences per country in which he lived? Maybe you’ve heard it all already in snippets here and snippets there, but it may be just as healing/freeing for him if he had space to tell it chronologically while his daughter listens/reads with understanding, from the connection between father and daughter, and without ulterior motives. It’d be a lovely thing to have and to share.
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May 2nd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Thanks guys. Up to now I think I have confused him even more about this subject. Every time I go home for break I ask him about moving and tell him that I think he has been in Oregon too long. But then my constant encouragement for him to move could be just encouraging his feeling to keep running. So on one hand I want him to come to terms with himself, but on the other I keep telling him that he should keep traveling. I think I am sending mixed messages. But you are probably right, you cant force some one to be healed. Healing is such a personal process that maybe outside pressure only makes the person less likely to look for healing. Okay…. i think I understand a little better now. Maybe he would read that magazine, but maybe not. I dont want to force it on him. He is very touchy. I can never speak with him about religions either. He has read at least 100 different books on all different religions and has attempted many of them but is never satisfied. so basically I think he is still searching…okay. I will just let him be and speak with him more about his travels. Maybe that will help. I hope so…..perhaps we could if I shared my hidden TCK feelings experiences with him maybe he will see that we are similar and will open up. Okay… does that sound reasonable?
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May 15th, 2008 at 12:27 am
Hi Lauren,
How are things going with your father? I think you’re on the right track, it’s generally a good idea to share your experience because he may relate to the issues.
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