Little bit of myself: I am South Korean who grew up in midwestern America for 8 years and also spent another year in Japan. Now I am back in South Korea, working with bunch of South Koreans at a local university. Usually in midwest there are less than 5% of asian population, and sometimes Asians fall under “the other race.” Fun times. All my parents are Korean-Korean, born and raised and educated in Korea.

Since I came back, working and living with my parents in the same home, there has been some communicational problems with my parents. My mom and I get along alright now, but the communication between my dad and I are not improving (note: the following story is written from my point of view – I have no intention to point my dad and blame everything on him). Basically, whenever we have trouble and get into an argument, I start with stating my status and and what I am feeling clearly. He takes this as “talking back.” Whenever I try to give my opinion on what he says, he replies that all I have to say is yes and nod even if I do not agree. Okay, so I do that. Then frequently he goes that I am not being sincere and that is rude. What should I do?

Let me give you some examples.

In the early stages, dad would call me with some weird, (to me, often not very pleasant,) nicknames. Obviously I always got upset whenever I hear it. Dad keeps saying he’s just joking around. Eventually we got into an argument. I was trying to make it clear that 1) even though he did not intend to hurt me, it makes me upset and 2) I do not think it is appropriate to use such vocabs to a full-grown adult or treat me without considering how I would feel just because he is my dad. My dad’s reaction was I am just overreacting and if I am to overeact on everything he says, he cannot hold a decent conversation with me. And he can do #1 and #2 because he is my dad.

I believe the 1st step of working things out by conversation is stating your position/feeling clearly to the other person. Whenever I do this, he would just go how I am being disrespectful, and don’t dare to talk him back. Sometimes I feel like he is obsessed about keeping his face as a dad, rather than listening to me.

Sometimes I cannot believe the whole situation: this is very recent example. My family came back from a dinner out. Since I plan to take a 15 min rest and then go out for a workout, I was watching TV mindlessly.

(The whole conversation was carried out in Korean)

Dad: You’d better get washed.

I: Oh,no worries, will be back in the outside in 15 min for workout.

Dad: Well, but still, you’d better get washed.

I: Er, but I’ll be dripping sweaty within 15 min…

Dad: *sudden yelling begins* You brat, you always keep talking back to me!! Just wash your hands when I say it!

I: Eh…? Oh, you mean hands! I thought you meant body shower. I see, but again no worries, I always wash my hands with anti-back gel. Thats the 1st thing I do whenever I come back.

Dad: *still yelling* Whatever! Stop talking back to me and do it when I say it!

I: * shrugs, eye rolling*

Next day all of sudden he came to my room, gave me a book and says I should read this. The book is written by some Korean businessman who worked for korean firms about 30 years, listing how to behave in front of your boss and stuff. Of course I was not very happy. Also for the realistic reason, I said “well I have something I am reading, so I’d rather read it after I finish what I am reading.” I could see my dad getting upset again so accepted the book anyway. Only 2 days later, he asked “so did you start on it?” I mean…I don’t even know what to say about this. I feel like he just wants to mold me in a way he wants, rather than listening to me or try to understand that I grew up in US, with very low percentage of Asian population.

Long before the example above happened, I already started sharing all my daily stuff only with my mom. Yes I still interact with my dad but only with some shallow jokes. Whenever he says or asks something I just go “yesss…” because I don’t want to make him all angry again. I’ve been talking with my close friends about this matter and there are lots of different opinions: well he’s man, maybe it’s because he is the parent of different side from you, etc etc. I personally believe it is because him being Asian, familiar with Asian rigid hiearchy system and me growing up in US where you have to state yourself clearly.

So in summary, do other TCKs have this problem too? How did you work it out? Please share your stories – and of course any kind of advice is welcomed.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Hey all,

wow I haven’t been on here in about a year and it’s changed a lot, looks good brice!

Anyways, to get to the point I just arrived in Nairobi, I’ll be here for a few months, and I don’t really know anyone so I was wondering if anybody here is in Nairobi/Kenya or knows ppl here

Marie

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Hey, check this out guys (video): The Shan + Rozz Show: EP7 – The Singaporean White Boy

“Shan and Rozz meet a Caucasian kid who speaks perfect Singlish! To prove it, he faces-off with Shan in a Singlish showdown, and the results are HILARIOUS.”

Tyler is obviously a TCK. I wonder if Shan is also a TCK (considering how his Singlish is worse than mine.)

So, do any of you speak Singlish or any other accents or languages (that are not your parents’) like Tyler? How did people react to you?

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Thanks to my best friend who introduced me to this article, I got to read this on page 88 of Marie Claire July 2006 edition. Reading this article made me think about how much pain Sabine must have gone through as a TCK. My sincere hope is that Sabine is aware of the TCK issues and has been able to put language in her identity and experience.

————

Sabine Kuegler, 33, spent an idyllic childhood in remote West Papua. When she finally left the jungle for her native Germany at age 17, the culture shock was crippling. Here, her story

As TOLD TO KATY REGAN

The MOMENT I ARRIVED in the Lost Valley will stay with me forever. It was January 1980, I was 7 years old, and my family had already spent a year living in a small jungle base in West Papua, Indonesia, where my parents, both linguists were studying tribes.

My father was in a more remote area, documenting the undiscovered language and culture of the Fayu tribe, untouched by the outside world. We couldn’t wait to join him and set up a home there indefinitely. We stepped out of the helicopter into a towering rain forest. It was eerily deserted- just the propellers whirling, only my father to greet us. Out of the trees came tribesmen, naked except for bones through their noses and feather headdresses, carrying stone axes. My sister panicked. But the tribe was scared, too- they had never seen white children before. They even rubbed our skin to see if it was black underneath.

The Fayu tribe was so isolated that members didn’t even know they lived in Indonesia. But my father respected their culture and earned their trust. They became like our family.

One boy especially stole my heart. Ohri was disabled, and my family took him under our wing. And soon, he could walk. He was a big reason I stayed in the jungle for long- I loved him like a brother.

Nothing could have prepared us for life in the Lost Valley. We had only a simple wooden house with no running water or electricity. We had to radio in to the base every morning to let them know we were OK. The Fayu were cannibals, and even though we never witnessed this ourselves, there was always the risk that they might eat us.

Other Fayu beliefs were dangerous, too. In November 1983, we found Ohri desperately ill. His chest was covered in mold, and he had a terrible skin infection. He had been burned in a fire, and the wound was left open. His people believed it was his punishment for eating forbidden crocodile. My mother bathed the wound, and after several weeks, he got better. Had we left the tribe to its own devices, Ohri would undoubtedly have died.

Apart from things like this, it was an idyllic life. But my sister and I dreamed about the Western world after an American woman came to the jungle and told us about this thing called “McDonald’s.” We imagined that with burgers and running hot water, the people in the West must be happy. So when I was 12 and my parents announced we were leaving the jungle, I was very excited.

But far from my dream come true, what followed were two years of hell in German and the U.S. I was terrified of the traffic and the endless choices available to me. I remember going into a supermarket and watching my brother break down in tears at the overwhelming selection of chocolate. Ironically, when my family decided to return to the jungle two years later, I was ecstatic.

But not for long. I felt stuck between two identities: my Western heritage and Fayu culture. Then Ohri died from tuberculosis. I was destroyed by grief. It was then, in December 1989, that I decided to leave the jungle for good, to discover the “white” me. My parents agreed to send me to a Swiss finishing school to teach me Western ways.

Arriving at school, at age 17, was a nightmare. I was used to being free as a bird, but windows were barred and we were only allowed out two hours a day. I suffered panic attacks.

The girls taught me about makeup and how to dress and introduced me to alcohol. I stumbled through the next few years and never felt like I fit in. Growing up in the jungle continues to affect me today.

I’m now 33, with four children. I’ve been married twice, but neither relationship worked out. For years, I shut out my childhood. I had an unbearable sense of loneliness, but then I dreamed of seeing Ohri again. When I awoke the next morning, I had an inner peace I had not felt for a long time.

Finally, I feel like I’m living again, not just existing. My parents still live with the Fayu, and I visit them- after all these years, I still need my regular jungle “fix” to stay sane.

Sabine Kuegler’s Child of the Jungle (Warner Books) will be published in the U.S. in March 2007. It was previously published in Germany.

[p.88 Marie Claire July 2006]

You can buy Sabine’s book here: http:/#

/www.amazon.com/Child-Jungle-Sabine-Kuegler/dp/1844082628

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I don’t want to go home.

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(Hope this one hasn’t been done yet) Most people don’t like it… But I love in-flight food. Smoked salmon, vanilla pudding, fish steaks, desserts by the dozens, chicken strips with rice, mutton and parathas, sushi!, roast beef sandwiches. *drools*. I’ve never really had to use the sick bags they have on planes, because I actually look forward to eating AIRLINE MEALS. Mwahahahahaha.

One of the best meals I ever had was on Emirates: Lamb gravy with vegetable pulao, sauteed vegetables, double chocolate french pastries, and shrimp salad. The other was on Cathay Pacific: smoked salmon with capers and crostini, caesar salad, tiramisu, grilled chicken breasts with rice and vegetables. Yum. I’m not sure, but maybe it’s because I like to think of them as Bento lunches.

Anyone else with me on airline food, or would you rather stay a mile away from the stuff? If you like them, what’s the best meal you’ve ever had while traveling by plane?

Popularity: 7% [?]

Hey everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, but I really need some help with my new job. Do any of you living in the UK or who have family living in the UK have BT or similar for your home phone line and broadband and are you unsatisfied with the service or think you’re paying too much? I’m working for a marketing company representing TalkTalk and they have a good deal on phone and broadband. Phone only is £16.74 a month including free international calls to 36 countries, and Phone + Broadband is £21.74. I need to sell a specific number of packages in a week so I can get promoted as where I am now is really really tough. I would appreciate it if any of you would consider switching or finding friends or family who would switch and let me know. Thanks guys.

Lizzy x

Phone Only £16.74 per month

Includes:

Line rental + VAT

Free calls to UK landlines 24/7

20% off calls to mobiles

Free international calls to 36 countries including USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

Free Caller ID

Free Voicemail

Free calls to 0870 and 0845 numbers

Free calls to 1471 and 1571

Free TalkTalk Privacy

Phone + Broadband £21.74

Includes:

Line rental +VAT

Free calls to UK landlines 24/7

20% off calls to mobiles

Free Caller ID

Free Voicemail

Free calls to 0870 and 0845 numbers

Free calls to 1471 and 1571

Free TalkTalk Privacy

Free 8 mb broadband

Free wireless router

Popularity: 2% [?]

Hi, I’ve just joined. I now live in NYC (having just moved here after years of working abroad.) Is there a ATCK group in NYC or something that I can join? Any ideas on how to find one?

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Hi All!

I am new I guess – I actually signed up for an account more than a year ago (I think?) – and then never used it. I am 29, married and living in Japan. My passport is from the US. I was born in the US and lived in Ghana and then in Mexico. Came back to the States for college. Graduated, with an MA eventually. From there I proceeded to wander……I taught English in China, studied in Thailand taught in Cambodia and explored much of Southeast Asia.

The Cultural Identity questions surfaced in China. Unbelievably, I had never really thought about my life as being out of the ordinary before then. When another US teacher started correcting our shared students about my misinforming them about the US culture and customs, (Oooops!) I realized I wasn’t as American as I thought I was. Then the questions began to get harder to answer – why did the “American” girl speak Chinese with a Spanish accent? Then I realized I didn’t really understand the other Americans there – why were little things such a big deal? What were they expecting when they came to China anyway? Why was it such a shock to them – and not for me (also American??? I was beginning to wonder now). For the first time I began to realize that my cultural identity wasn’t what I thought it was.

Right now, I teach English and study Japanese in Japan. The wandering “itch” has been a constant source of – I don’t fully understand it. I have had trouble fully committing to things – friendships, past relationships, etc. because of fear of being held back and tied to something. Sounds like from all the reading I’ve been doing – that is perfectly normal. I used to have nightmares about meeting someone and falling in love with someone that was from small-town Kansas and getting “stuck.” I remembering waking up in a panic because of dreams about cow pastures in Kansas. (No offense intended towards anyone from Kansas!) Thank God, that didn’t happen. My husband is a wonderful CCK, who loves traveling as much as I do.

I hate answering “Where are you from” and usually just say “its complicated.” If I could answer as I wanted, I would say Starbucks because its the one place that is always familar sounding and smelling no matter where you are – the sound of the coffee grinders and the smell of the beans. I wish I could say “home is the local Starbucks” but people would think that was really strange. So anyway – here I am.

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How would you describe your politics?

• Independent
• Moderate
• Radical
• Libertarian
• Liberal
• Conservative

I couldn’t answer this question

bc I don’t know what each stands for.

I have a question… is it nation-boundary-less?

I mean… isn’t the politics different in each nation? Maybe you support Party A of your nation, but how would I know which of those am I? (Radical? Liberal? Conservative?)

Can u give example of each for me??

Please??~?

Sorry this is offtopic, I may delete it as soon as someone answers me =)

Popularity: 2% [?]