One Croatian’s bubble inside a Private Universe

Posted by MsMerising on June 3rd, 2008 | Categorized as General Forum | 142 views and 2 Comments

The early (ranting & messy) stages of a piece I am going to work on. Thoughts, rants, criticisms welcome…  

Straddling cultures. Like you I am devouring films & books to try and find “us” somewhere, anywhere. One look at most Australian “artistic” output it would appear this country only has an Anglo-Australian population and an Aboriginal one that does not interact with metropolitan areas and is solely confined to the bush (both inaccurate portrayals).

 Well, now that I have been living in North America for close to 10 years the thirst for some form of cultural camaraderie has thickened. For the first time I have “crossed the color line” and am assumed to be “White Australian” - something I was not viewed as for 20 years of my life. When I tell Americans about my experience they think I am living in la-la land. So I have been seeking out like-minded CCK (Cross-cultural experiences) to prove my lif has not been a fraud, a fantasy, a hoax because I am told that it is by those who have not lived a day outside there comfortable boxes.  Searching for anything where I can find a Croatian character who is not “fully Croatian” in every facet. Someone cross-cultural, conflicted, bold, and passionate - people like me/us. Funnily enough, we Croats are quite a popular footnote in “Ethnic-Australian” arts experience. Anna in “Looking for Alibrandi” is Croat. You know this only because of a scarf her grandmother sent from Croatia. A “scared” girl, fidgety, nervous, a virgin until she is married but who is scared she will be bad in bed - conflicted between virtue and the “good woman” but having to defile the “good girl” to please her fantasy future husband. Serena in Christos Tsiolkas “Loaded” is Croat - a scared, closet lesbian. Who is emotional over an un-reciprocated love she has over a Greek straight girl. You have Tony the Yugoslav in the film the “Wogboy” (who is a hilarious character played well by a Greek actor!). He also reprises the Slav element in several episodes of “Fat Pizza” but as a Serbian. Than you have the New Zealand film “Broken English” marketed as Bosnian by a culturally ignorant press writer, lol. I relate to several elements - the depressed, patriotic father over being exiled from his country but does not see his depression. The volatile home headed by the alpha male. The rebellious, favored daughter. The inter-racial/class relationship and how it rips a family unwilling to evolve & adapt to there current surroundings apart. However, what happens when you are only Croatian by blood and only Australian by passport? What happens when you fall in-between the lines? You don’t speak the language, eat the foods or socialize only “with your own”? When you’re interests & passions are not native to either? Personally, you see the truth – that culture and land of birth does not define every facet of you. But to appears you become an individual who only exists as a character, something mentioned to “your own kind” when discussing “the others”. Eyed with curiosity, loathing, resentment, anger, mistrust & amusement. It is like you are a piece of fiction (if not a piece of sh**), not a human being with a soul because it appears no one ever understands you. So you go out seeking anyone who even has a GLIMPSE of feeling like a stranger in a land that supposedly is your home, and someone who understands the confusion of how to answer when you are asked WHAT you are WHERE you are from.

I identify with the term "Cross-Cultural Kid". Born of Croatian parents, I am the first-generation born outside the "homeland". Being viewed as "Ethnic" in Australia was socially isolating and being moved to more "Anglo" places with every move was very difficult. Moved to Canada when I was 19. My real formative years. Going back to Australia when I was 22 was traumatic. One year later I moved to America where I have been since 2003... I have never lived in a place more than 5 years at a time. I have been asked "where are you from" since as far as I can remember. My accent changes subconsciously in different groups of people. I am not bi-lingual but I pick up languages quickly. I have diverse interests which makes people think I am weird (c'mon, you know you relate lol). I relate to minorities quickly and know many other's peoples customs, culture etc yet am always viewed as an outsider because I also am a minority wherever I go (usually living in minority neighbourhoods where Croatian-Australians do not reside lol). I usually find anyone I form a bond with is also a Cross-Cultural Kid or come from a family that is politically active with a global mindset. I am looking to meet new friends and maybe for once feeling I belong somewhere.. Peace, M