New Guy: To be honest I’m not quite sure if I’m a TCK. | TCKID 2.0

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New Guy: To be honest I’m not quite sure if I’m a TCK.

Hey, I’m really not sure what to say in this quaint little introduction of mine. To be honest I’m not quite sure if I’m a TCK. Maybe if i say stuff about myself you guys can help me with that. I don’t think I’m hear for help or acceptance, to be honest I’m not completely sure why I’m here…

I was born in Manhattan NYC. I grew up with just my mom in a very Hispanic community. We moved constantly to different parts of new york with different cultures in each one. Different types of Hispanic, Jewish, Italian, black and Greek. All the schools i attended were all very different. It was never a shock to me…I kind of just accepted it. When i was 11 or 12 we moved from NY to NJ. It was very different living in all these ghettos and minority towns to a mostly white suburb. By then i gained a step dad and two little sisters. I was very isolated from every school i went to and from my own home. I spent my school days in volunteer programs, scouts, cap, orchestra, and debate. I worked odd jobs (doing papers, helping with reports, tutor in subjects and tests such as the SATs) and created a savings account (a show box) in secret when i was free. My first language was Spanish and English was a very quick second. I later on in junior high and high taught myself Japanese. During a trip to Canada, Quebec i was frustrated by the french and taught myself how to read and speak it within the week i was there using pamphlets and TV. Since i knew Spanish i figured it w0uld be easy to learn Italian. My debate buddy helped me start learning Russian while a few filipinos in my town taught my Tagalog. Also, since i knew kanji from the Japanese language i decided to start learning how to write and read Chinese (didn’t finish that one). I don’t know why but i kept things like this very secret and no one knew about it. even till this day my own family and friends don’t know about most of the languages i can speak. I rather enjoy it when i can go to a restaurant and hear what the waiters are saying or when i am with new people and they try to mention to each about what think about me with a different language. Although i am completely 100% Colombian, my eyes are somewhat slanted so people tend to confuse me for some type of Asian. because of this Ive been able to hear a lot of Spanish conversation at my expense, ha ha.

Like i said before i always felt isolated. In high school i felt much more mature then my classmates. It was kind of weird to see people grow up and come to realization that seemed like common sense to me. Then lose my feeling of self as my classmates slowly started becoming more mature and i seemed to stay the same. In high school (after i turned 16) i dealt with this by using my savings “account” and traveling to other countries without my families knowledge. i did this during the summer a lot and sometimes during the school year i would pretend i was going to a debate trip or something for a week or a few days. It was always strange to me how i felt more at home in different cultures then i did in my own home.

None of this bothered my until i was college. i heard the question “where are you from?” more often and i had no idea how to answer it. I honestly didn’t feel comfortable saying new york, or new jersey. I should also mentioned that i did live in Colombia for a little while as a kid. I saw and analyzed all these unique people i met. I would try to analyze myself as a person but couldn’t… I hit a crisis. I had no idea who i was, where i was from, or anything else about me. In fact i actually ended up forgetting a lot about my past accomplishments and kind of started over. i always felt out of sync in school but in college it got much more intense. I got along a lot more with people from different cultures then i did from people who came from NY or NJ.

When it comes to people i am incredibly social. i can get along with a stranger without trying. however i never really wanted too…i mean…i can get along with anyone yet if i could sometimes i feel like i would much rather just be alone. this has effected friendships and relationships a lot. It might be due to the fact that i grew up feeling so isolated…i don’t know. i started getting hit by depression in college and it really hurt my grades….a lot. I would never commit suicide or anything, the thought only crossed my mind once. I had an ear infection in both ears and i walked to the bathroom and contemplated it. long story short i didn’t want to make a mess and my mom didn’t deserve to have to clean that up.

So…here i am…22, finishing my chemical engineering degree soon…and i still have no certain place to call home. I work in the city, live in NJ, and go to school in PA. i love the traveling and being able to be in so many diverse places in such a short amount of time. I have focused my entire life to helping with the environment, sustainable energy, alternative energies, and all that good stuff. I don’t have any real goals…but i use this as a means to get up in the morning. otherwise i don’t know if i can…

I don’t know if I’m a true tck..or a tck at all…i’m not a military brat, i haven’t lived in several countries…my parents haven’t gotten a divorce or anything..(forget to mention that dad died when i was like 7. I should be more of a bastard and an asshole…i should be psychotic or a severe sociopath, but I’m not)…i don’t know why i am the way i am. All the signs of my history tell me i should be a certain way. But i am a complete contradiction to all the psych books ive read. I feel like a tck but i don’t know. If i was though, it would be the first group i could actually feel like i belong too. I’ve never actually had that feeling before, haha..

anyway..that’s my very short story. there’s a lot more of course…but this is long enough…let me know what you guys think. if you have any questions id love to answer them. Thank you for reading!

John

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Posted by HiRyu405 at 11:00 am on May 30th, 2009. Comments
Categories: Introduction. Tags: .

  • well, to answer your question L...I guess i said that because that always confused me. I have spent most of my life volunteering and trying to help people. In fact the career i have chosen i chose because i would be able to help people with it, not for prestige or monetary gain(although i'm sure they helped). When I was trying to figure out more about myself I read through a lot of psych books to see what groups i should fit in. Every book i read said that the isolation and lack of a dad should have made me into a little bit more of a bastard. If anything i didn't read any books that were able to fit me into a group that i felt that i actually belonged in. This lead me to believe that there is another factor in my youth that i don't know or don't understand. After doing research i found out that i may be a tck. all the traits would at least help in explaining why i am the way i am. Being a tck might at least explain as to why i'm not more of a bastard. It may also explain why i have..certain ideals and beliefs.

    You definitely seem like a very interesting person L. You probably know more about psychology then i do, haha. I would love to hear about/from you! if you want me to elaborate more on what i said or if you want to ask anything anything just let me know. Thanks!

    -John
  • L
    Hey John!

    Stuff definitions and having to justify or fit a certain criteria in order to be accepted as a "TCK". The way you described how you feel, interact, think etc. implies that you really do relate to a cross-cultural/ TCK existance, and frankly, I think that's what's important.
    But, why did you say
    "(forget to mention that dad died when i was like 7. I should be more of a bastard and an asshole...i should be psychotic or a severe sociopath, but I'm not)..." ?
    Just curious.

    to share something about myself: I'm 20 years old, currently live in Australia and am studying Psychology & Creative Arts (theatre therapy). Born in Germany, Persian mother, bolivian/ german father (they got divorced when I was 7- I see my dad once a year)

    Take care!

    Lua
  • hey guys, thanks for your responses! they were a lot more comforting then i thought they would be. I would love to hear more about you guys. I am always very interested in hearing about people from different cultures or people who moved between different cultures ( by choice or by force). to respond to a couple things you said...I was going to do international relations with law, or by being a translator. I would love to be a linguist or a multi-lingual musician. however after going through many options chemical engineering was the only answer i could come up with. I can always go into more detail if you guys really wanted to know. I just didn't feel like boring you again, haha. I traveled to England, Italy, France, Japan, Colombia, Quebec, a few flip islands, and a few states in the US.

    anyway, i really like what being a tck represents. I can't see why anyone would argue with openness, individuality, or social fairness, instead those are all things that people should all fight for. I would like to consider myself a tck since it does feel like i kind of belong here as one. That seems odd and i feel weird saying that, but the chance of meeting someone i can connect with fills me with a lot of hope. I would love to talk to more tcks and learn as much as i can from them. Even if i don't find a connection with anyone here just hearing about other tck's sounds very rewarding. I'm not going to try to force myself to fit in here, if i do, i do. I guess only time can tell. I will always be more then willing to talk to people or answer anyones questions. Thanks for your responses!

    -John
  • rafael
    Wow John, actually I think your story is quite amazing. I'd definitely say that you're a TCK. You don't have to leave a country to experience very different cultures. Although, I must admit, you'll only have really experienced the cultures under U.S. influence. Life is different when people around aren't a minority, but insist that their ideas are the correct way to create world-order ; ) and actually act in every way to realise that. When you lived in the different cultural ghettos, they should have all been aware of their minority role and the limits to enforcing their cultural habits.

    Still, I think you're a Third Culture Kid, because you don't follow any particular cultural model, but instead you have gathered from a myriad of others, to create your own shake of values and habits. What amazes me though, is that you put a lot of effort into developing this on your own initiative - although I don't think you were aware of the social concequences. I for example had to deal with cultural variation not by my own will, but due to changes orchestrated by my parents... although it definitely influenced the way I think.

    Therefore it surprised me that you're finishing a degree in chemical engineering(B.Eng. I take it, not M.Eng. yet, or are you?). I would have rather tipped on something like anthropology or international relations.
    I myself also do something Eng.-related, namely Business Administration and Materials Engineering(in Aachen, Germany).

    Furthermore, TCK isn't about whether you fit a certain profile or not - we've discovered that the people in this forum are often similar, but have yet more often striking differences. Thus we don't really have an exact definition for being a TCK. We value openness, individuality and social fairness - in a very broad and global sense... and I guess we welcome all to participate that respect this and seek an identity in a truely global lifestyle. (I personally believe, that this global lifestyle can be realised locally just as well as by continually travelling the world. The dilemma between travelling and staying in one place is much discussed.)
    I'd leave it up to you, to decide whether you are TCK or not. You won't be able to identify with all of the people here, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

    Hope to hear more from you.
  • naana
    hi john,
    i guess you are a cross cultural kid (CCK) which is nearly the sameas a TCK as far as i got it.. have a look on the '27 things a tck should know' page . anyway i liked reading about u and think you came to the right place ,!
    but then i have to admit i only just came here myself and i am not used to the americanculturalghetoojungle so i might not be the best person to ask ...
    where have you travelled ( germany ? india ? thats my direction hence i am asking)
    me
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