I always knew my background. I was born in Timisoara, Romania, but was raised by an American family in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Being a TKC never hit me until I was in college. I never say where I was born, just where I was raised. I was doing a research paper about studying abroad and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm American in every way possible, and my family's not Romanian. So I'm trying to tie up loose ends in my mind.

I am what you call a domestic adult tck (tca?). I've known the term about a week, and am still adjusting to the fact that I'm not the only one. All my life I've felt out of place, like I didn't belong. My parents are from a tiny town in the American south, but I grew up all over the US as a military brat, studying the differences between my parents' south and the west, north, east, and everywhere in between that I experienced. While my experiences were not as extreme as many of yours, my reactions to moving every couple of years and my relationships with others are similar. I still don't know how to answer "where are you from?". I wiped my memory every time we moved, and now in the age of Facebook "old friends" contact me of which I have no recollection. I don't have many friends and still don't see the point - I'm going to move one day anyway, so why bother? Like Beth above, I grew up in an era without internet, Skype, cheap phone cards/calls, etc. so keeping up was difficult. And I still have wanderlust, though I spent my childhood wishing for stability. Now married to another ATCK from another country, I'm raising a TCK as we try to balance "my" country, "his" country, and work opportunities. I worry she'll be like me, ultimately alone, and not like my husband who makes and keeps friends in every city/country he's ever been. I'm so jealous of him in that respect. I'm very glad I foung this place - it's helping me define who I am and who my daughter can be.

Hi, Brice.

I'm 38 years old and I just found out I was a TCK about 20 minutes ago. That's how long it took me to notice mention of the term, Google it, pour through the Wikipedia page and land here. I had no idea there was even a term for someone like me. 'Overseas brats' just doesn't quite cut it and certainly, I'm not a military brat. While I consider myself fairly well-adjusted with my past and present, certainly, I'm a text-book case of an adult person caught between cultures. Born in Texas; 21 years between Germany and England (a mash of military Americana and German for the most part) and, yes, I landed with a thud in the U.S. in 1997. It wasn't pretty.

The way I discovered the term was through a comment left to me on a website I started for my American high school in Germany. We're 1700 members strong and I'm loving every moment I spend there. I think I understand where you're coming from with regards to what happened to you once you opened this site. Mine exploded too. I've only been at it since May of 2008; just 11 months and we're pushing 2000 people. I'm talking to people who graduated from my high school in 1956, as well as in 2008. It's really quite odd, but rewarding.

I appreciate that you've put this site together. It's nice to have somewhere to go and simply 'be' where others understand.

-Lindy

I still cry. Every now and again. I knew I was a TCK when I reached the age of about 12, although at that time I didn't understand what it meant for me.
I remember, a short time after I found out, I moved again and that was when the hurt reached its peak, and I decided that I would distance myself from everyone I came into contact with. For the most part, it did work, and I didn't make very many friends in the country I moved to. But thankfully, it didn't work all that way, since I did make friends and the friends I made are still close to me emotionally.
After exploring this site and after reading the stories of other people, it helped to me to feel better about my own situation.

I've moved again, for university this time. And I've made so many friends here, and met up with so many old friends. But Brice, I can't thank you enough for setting up this site and for preparing me both emotionally and mentally to go out and form relationships with others. It's still hard. But now, at least I don't try to distance myself from others.

I realized when I was very little I was a TCK although no one called it that back then. I always knew I was different because no one else in the city was blonde (didn't see another blonde for years). My brother and I used to get home from school or trips downtown with our mom absolutely filthy because everywhere we went the people would pinch our cheeks, stroke our hair, pull on our clothes, ask if our eyes were "real". They were all very kind and in awe of us but we felt like complete aliens and sometimes it actually hurt (physically - mostly bruised cheeks). I don't remember that bothering me emotionally for some reason but when you're as physically different as that I think it's unlikely you wouldn't notice your not from the culture you're living in.

One day when I was five my grandparents came to visit us in Ecuador where we were living at the time. My mom was at work and my brother and I were alone with them in the house. The phone rang and since there were grown ups in the room it didn't occur to us kids to answer the phone.

Finally after many rings my grandfather asked me in English "why don't you answer the phone?" and I answered him "because I'm not supposed to - you're the grown up" and he said "but we don't speak Spanish". It had never occurred to me that EVERYONE didn't speak both languages!

I was really fortunate because my grandparents and mom were able to use this opportunity to explain to me etc. etc. and from that moment on the lines of communication were fully open. I grew up completely aware of my differences and thankfully had parents who taught me from very early on that my differences would be advantages for my future.

I didn't always feel this was advantageous of course, but during the moments when being different was hurtful and felt awful I was reminded the advantages would come further down the road. This gave me something to look forward to and gave me a sense of purpose and direction. It also taught me about perseverance. Now I look back at my life and all I can say is thank goodness I'm a TCK!!!!!

I am probably one of the older ATCK's here. At 51. I discovered that I was an AMKTCK ( Adult Missionarykid, third culture kid ) . There acronyms are powerful, and have been for longer than I knew.

I was born in Bamako, Mali, West Africa. I still remember sitting on the dirt as a little child, and playing with the children all around me. Their amazement and awe of me was confusing at first, you see I did not see anything but kids playing.It did not occur to me that I was white, and they were black. I had been born there as they had, that was my home too.

We left Bamako when I was going on 6 years of age, by then I spoke 4 languages as fluenty as one can at 6. I was used to the sounds and smells of the villages, I had a deer in my backyard I called my pet.

We went to the United States, a place called McIntosh , S.D. It was a Native American Indian Reservation ( this would later play a huge role in my life ) unbeknownst to me, I was still living in what would be/ is considered a TCK life. The kids I went to school with for a year there were all from the Reservation. For me thought, it was just my introduction to the United States. I had gone from exterme temperatures. Very hot, to incredibly cold in the winter. South Dakota weather is no picinic.
Apparently my father had been asked if he would like to return to Africa with the American Bible society ( he had left the mission field for good ) This too would be confusing for me later, because really , where was I from, and what did my parents do?
My first memory of being "abandoned " took place when my parents decided "for my good" to leave me with an Aunt and Uncle ( that I did not know , but of course they did ) take my brothers and prepare to leave for Congo. I was taken for a walk, and when I came back , they were gone. I did not see them for 2 months.

We left there not quite a year later, and returned to Africa, to the Belgum congo, Leopoville as I knew it. It would later become Kinshasa ( the land American's were familure with because I later learned Mohamed Ali fought a huge fight there ) I atteneded
an Internation school. It was actaully a boarding school as well, many kids whose parents were missionaries or diplomats in nearby areas sent their children here. We were lucky, our home was right down the road. We spoke french and english here, and
my parents had many friends, from all over the world. I have great memories as a kid square dancing on Friday nights, and walking on Sundays with my dad to get baguettes ( the best ever ) from the stores.
My world took a really scary turn in congo. My father was asked if he and my mom would like to move again, because he had done such a good job there. They were told they should take a trip to
East Africa, and look around for a place they would enjoy moving too,and were given several places to check out.
My brothers ( 2) both went to stay with friends, I with one of their friends..and off they went. About this time the war was breaking out. I remember being so little and listenign to the
radio, hearing that Americans were being evacuated out. I remember hearing my caretakers ask," what will we do with her?"
Thank god, my parents were hearing it too. They flew back in
to Congo, the next day we were gone.. on our way to nairobi, kenya.
In kenya, we lived in a hotel, then 4 differnt homes, and schools, until we finally settled. By then my oldest brother left, and went to the united states to finsih school ( 10th grade ) my middle and i stayed with my parents. I went to British Schools he went to a Brithish Boarding school ( but did not board ) Somewhere along the 2nd year, they were told of an American International School that would be starting. It only took 6th grade and up. My brother attended but I could not. I attended British Schools, and had great friends there. I loved High Tea! It was my favourite acctiviety in the afternoons. And saturday movies.
I got to go the next year or so. It was very small, located in an old motel near the embassy in Nairobi. There I made friends with kids ( again ) from all over the world.I had a bit of a British accent, and was on a swim team, outside of my activities with school. I soon fit right in. I was on the bottom of the heap so to speak, and it was really neat.
I remember in Kenya, asking my dad if we were going to stay there? Would we just live there now, could we? The pleas of a child moved , one too many times.
In 1972 the ax fell , again, and we were moving to the United States. This move took on a whole new meaning.
I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating.
There was no means of communication once you left your life
on another continent . The phone system then was not what it is, and was extremely costly ( way more than we could afford ) There were no computers, no cell phones, so email and instant contact was impossible. Skype was unheard of. We were strangers in a strange land.. left on our own; it hurt more than I can even express. I was so sad.. so so sad. I hurt every day as a teenager, as they story unwinds, I don't think the pain ever went away. I could not even find a counselor that understood the depth of the pain I was suffering.

We flew into the United States. my feet have never touch Africa since. My life as I knew it was gone...

I went to New York, Maine, Jacksonville , Fla, to New Jersey, to Jacksonville, and landed in New Jersey to be moved 3 times there as well.
At one point I had a brother in Minnisota, one in Kenya ( my middle got to stay to finish high school ) my mom was in NY ( working )
my dad was in NJ looking for work, I was in Jacksonville with family. ( that we had visted when we went of furloughs)

i was one lost kid... and I lost myself. In retrospect, I pushed every American away as much as they pushed me away. I might as well have had a total body disfigurement. Here I was with a British accent, completely unfamiluar with the american culture, iving with american parents, and never knowing how to tell anyone where I was from.. or really what my dad had done, because really then? Africa was the jungle. It was tarzan and the apes. No one really understood..NO one.

what does a teenager in 9th grade do with that?

i struggled. I was sick all of 9th grade and they told me it was
psychosomatic ( from the mind ) I knew I was miserable, but I also knew I was sick. No doctor could find out what was wrong with me. Every one of them said it was psychosomatic . My dad
finally found a place in NYC that dealt with "foreign " diseases.
They would take all the tests they needed, evaluate them, and they were sent to 3 other labs in the U.S. ( the only ones then )
for evaluation. 2 Weeks later, we discovered that I had come to the U.S with parasites from Mombasa beach!

The intense scrutiny I was under was so stressing , I remember thinking I would burst. I longed for normalcy.

I vowed I would never do this to my children, if I every married.I did not, my children were raised in a very small new england town. They do not have the "cultural background I have" but they have an international family so they have what they need to be well rounded individuals. ( I have a nephew from Belize, one from Korea, one from China )

I spent 4 years creating an "American story" so that I could fit in.
I never wanted to have to explain why I was white again, nor did I ever want to answer, where are you from?
I was able to adapt a Floridian accent for as long as I needed and be "from Fla" since I knew quiet a bit about it. So that is where I was from.

I did not make it in American Schools. I ended up graduating from an alternative high school. The rest? is history.

I never did adapt well. I never was able to exceed, or succeed.
I was left so damaged ; I never even entered college until I was 45.
I was one that got married, made a career out of swimming ( it was the "common" exercise thing that I took from Africa with me to the U.S. ) When I was told by my father he would take me swimming, I asked how could you swim in the cold weather? He told me about indoor pools ( I was shocked ) I later ran indoor pools. Teaching swimming next to being a mom are the things I have done the best in my life.
I raised 3 children, who knew I was from Africa, knew I was quirky but only recently understand why.

I have an incredible life story; however, so does everyone else.

I look at some of your stories and understand some of, or many of the struggles. My head instantly goes back to the feelings of not fitting in. Even as an adult in a little town in Ma, I don't fit it.
It is that very fact that makes me who I am..just a little different, just a little edgy.
I doubt very much anything will change in terms of going back to where I came from
however,
I can reach out a hand to those crossing the water to a distant land and say, hey.. I am here to help, if you want it.
I am now workng at my college to see if we can start something for college students from other cultures, facing the same feelings of discomfort.
If I can help one, I will have done my job .

Alcoholism set in at age 44 for me. I spent two years absolutely falling apart , at night after the kids were safe . I lost a marrage of 20 years..
that was almost 9 years ago. I realized in the clarity of my new day,that I had hidden the " don't belong" pain for so long, it finally just took me.
I don't want anyone to ever have to experience that !
I final note: I have no close friends where i live. I have two best friends.
One from kenya ( that lives in Ca _) and incredibly enough, one from NM..you guessed it. We became friends when my kids were born in So. California. We were so much the same, i couldn't' understand it. She is a Native American Indian, who lives and works on a reservation.. the other piece? She is an addiction counselor there, sober for well over 15 years now..
Life is incredible now, I am at peace
I wish you all the same, thanks for "listening"
beth

Knowing who I am has helped me move on with my life especially with life after schooling. Everything that has happened to me has finally made some sense.

I finally found closure. I stopped doubting about myself, about who I am, what role I am playing in this world and who I should impress. I finally understood what it means to "be who you are".

The uncertainties seem less scary.

I feel free.

Thanks to the book and thanks to the TCK community.

I have to say that my sense of belonging began when I came to Switzerland. First it was a place, which was initially Zurich. After 2 years surrounded by the Midwestern United States, a city like that explodes on your cultural awareness. It was incredibly refreshing to be surrounded by a language I didn't know.

And, in my first German class, I met my first TCK in years since I'd left Jakarta. Even though we'd grown up worlds apart, the similarities were... distinctive. And even then, the classes were full of foreigners: people who had moved here, and therefore existed as foreigners to a foreign country... Cross-Cultural at the least.

And when I started at a college here, entirely populated by foreigners in a way that mirrored the expat school I grew up with, I felt very, very happy.

And then, at some later date, the cherry on the top was finding out I was a TCK, and feeling connected with people all over the world.

That was over two years ago. I should note that today I don't feel the same need for belonging. It was a strong step, an encouraging push past the cliffs of loneliness and into the sunny green hills of self-confidence and self-reliance beyond.

TCKs today aren't my support group, or even often a group entirely necessary to support, but an example of the great variety of life; evidence that much of it is beautiful, and worth experiencing. When you feel comfortable to step out and do that, of your own volition rather than the self-fulfilling prophecy of what's expected of a TCK, I think you've fulfilled at least some of your own potential.

Hm, I think I first discovered I was a TCK (at least the term for my identity crisis) when I came across a little booklet called "You know Know you are an MK when..." Much of it was derived from TCK and I went further in my exploration of the TCK hooting after that in my early college years after the tusamami of culture shock.

I was born in the U.S. and spent several years in Asia. I returned to the U.S. when I was 14 years old.

I probably suffered the hardest in my family of 6. I went through a really rough case of culture shock, I was sucidal, I had an eating disorder, and I self mutilated. Not to mention I had epilepsey and did not get good medical care on the field. I was met with alot of superstious beliefs and it only made me feel worse about myself and more secluded. I never abandoned my faith in God however, and at the time it was the only thing that kept me sane. I had no idea why I felt and experienced the things I did. Having lived in my home country of America for almost 10 years now, I can look back and know why I went through what I did. But I didn't have anything or anyone to help me through my identity crisis. Even all the resources became more available after the fact.

My family was largely ignorant of cultural differences and the issues that pertained to the religious, ecconomic and academia stresses that influenced my severe culture shock. I felt quilty, angry, and confused most of the time. We never talked about it, only about God and good things. But, later life bites you. And it did.
I am not surprised, actually by this recent castatrophe. You can only wait for the bridge to collapse under so much pressure. It wasn't like they didn't see what happened to me because of what they "didn't want to see or talk about" - my guess is that "saving face" will continue to happen. The stage is set, although the earthquake seemed to shake the foundtion, everyone is so busy praising God that they refuse to see reality.

Anyways, no wake up call here. lols. I'm done though. I already went through my culture shock years ago. Somethings you can't control but when you are an adult you have the power and the tools to control your circumstances and what comes in and out of your life. I choose real life now. Not a violently surreal life.

Currently, I am not serving God at all. I don't see my experience as a blessing or a curse. I do not feel guilty about having more than one pair of shoes and I don't think its right that someone should.

Unfortuately, I still have to "save face" as an adult becasue I was born into this "missionary/tck" culture. It doesn't seem fair that I would be responsible for the sins of my parents. Or that I could possible single handly ruin "thier ministry."
Or that I lose my child hood home becasue of thier choices, but then again I never chose this life to begin with. Aye, but such is life. Thats my life as a TCK.

So this year, I chose new shoes.I like heels alot, its not too much to ask, I don't think. No pressure. I like it alot. How does everyone else feel?

Wow, this site is awesome. I laughed so hard while looking at the "You know you're a TCK when...." section, especially the spelling part.

I guess there are many moments now that make me feel like a TCK - like the times when my best friend and I would use words from 3 different languages in one sentence and find it normal, the fact that I can pack for 3 months or more in under an hour, the culture shock I experienced when coming back to America and saw how many brands of toothpaste there were in Walgreens...

I guess the main defining factor though is that I don't know what to answer when people ask "where are you from?" because so many different people and places have defined me.

> How about next time someone asks where are you from that you
>say, "O, wrong question. A better questions is how many different
>places I am from. I am so lucky that I was raised in a bunch of
>different places. But most importantly, I am here now."

Thanks Iyabo, that's a great response - I'm going to use it next time I get asked 'So, where are you from?' :-)

Hello, I am 43 years old and I discovered the term TCK a little over two years ago when I was introduced to a lady that was very familiar with the term. She used it to explain parts of me that I did not know were there.

I knew many other people like me but I did not know what to call us other than some of the derogatory terms used in my home country.

My mother was half Irish American and Polish Jew. She was a blond blue eyed white American. My father was Nigerian. They met here in the US when he was in university in the late 1940s and early 50s. They then moved to Nigeria where my mother lived with him for 38 years. Finally, they both moved to the US.

I was born and raised in Nigeria and came to the States when I was a teenager.

I have now lost both my parents and that is when this whole TCK thing came to a head for me.

I understood growing up that I was bi-racial and bi-cultural. I think the difference I have found between me and many tck's that I have met is that my parents continuously told us that we kids were from two worlds and we should take the best of both worlds and be that person.

I find very little conflict between myself today.

However, I have had issues trying to fit in with other groups of people. This has led me to really study groups and how people fit into groups and why it is important to be part of a group. Or not.

I think we as humans place a lot of value on conformity and think that means self identity.

The way I see it, we are all uniquely different and each of us will never fine our true selves until we allow our uniqueness to shine and be. It really is OK to just be.

I think it is a myth that tck's do not belong anywhere. Who say we have to just belong to one place? You are what you are and that means you are a conglomerate of all the places that have influenced you as an adult and as a child.

How about next time someone asks where are you from that you say, "O, wrong question. A better questions is how many different places I am from. I am so lucky that I was raised in a bunch of different places. But most importantly, I am here now."

You see when someone wants to ask you where you are from, they are trying to quantify you and keep you in a little box. TCK's are so much bigger than that little box.

At least, I know I am.

Happily,

Iyabo Asani
www.AuthenticChangeCoach.com

I always knew I was different. I was teased by my peers and was known always as "the girl from Finland/Foreign country." As a child of immigrants/emigrants I always stood out by my speech. Someone caught me speaking on the phone with my parents, and she said, "Oh! Are you speaking spanish??" "Uuhh, no, Finnish. Not Spanish." (Well, that girl wasn't so bright...) I always felt alone in how I felt. Spending summers in Finland was all fun and nice, but no one ever really wanted anything to do with me because I was different, even my own family.

Fast forward to my second year in University, and struggling with depression (as many of us do, no?). I went to a therapist my pastor recommended and I told her about my feeling of "un-belonging," and she told me about the term Third Culture Kids. She knew about it because she was one too! She had spent a part of her childhood in Nigeria, and was a wonderful woman. I think it was that very night I searched for TCKs online, and found this here website (a year ago, wow!). Here I am, still struggling with my identity, especially the fact that I really have no connections to my "home" country anymore, but that's another story.

I was so lucky to have a TCK counselor, and I miss her dearly. :)

After ten years abroad, I recently came back to my "home"country. Before I arrived I thought that I would finally have a place to call home.
Now I have been here for a couple of years, but still feel very different from others, and like a foreigner. I have wondered why I seem unable to build deeper friendships, and what is the strange restless feeling that keeps plaguing me, and why am I just so WEIRD. Why can't I just feel like a normal teenager? What is it that makes me feel so different?

Last night, at 2AM I was bored. Just by chance, I found this article about TCKs on wikipedia. I read the beginning, and was like, hey I have lived in many places too. I read on about what TCKs feel, and I was amazed. It was like reading an article about me, about things that i have never dared say out loud. It was a clear list of all the things I have on my mind. I came here on the forum to read people's stories. It felt like getting the hug i had longed for all my life. I never had imagined that there were people, hundreds of them, that felt the exact same way as I.
Maybe there's a home for me too.

From Lulu:

"Hey Brice,

My story is a bit different. We were born in Saudi Arabia to Bangladeshi parents. We'd lived there all our lives, going to school with other people in the same boat, ie foreigners born and raised there. The locals called us expats. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Our school had people from all over Africa, the Middle East and the Subcontinent. It didn't matter that as expats the locals didn't really accept us, we had other expats to make friends with. You see in Saudi Arabia, the had different schools for the local "Saudi" kids and the "expat" children. Every community had a group of parents who'd set up the "<insert country="country"> Embassy School" which would later become the "</insert><insert country="country"> International School" usually with 2 sections, the English section (which followed the Cambridge IGCSE and A level curriculum) and the native language school (which followed the native curriculum).

It was only when we were back to Bangladesh during our annual holidays that there was any kind of trouble adjusting. Our cousins called us "the Saudi-ans" that was their word for us. It was a new word to us as well. No matter how hard we tried they always treated us like we were apart. I still hadn't heard of tckids. But after everyone got back from holidays, at school we'd all talk about our experiences back home. At school everyone understood the different cultures, yet it was as if we had our own culture. I guess we were luckier in that our school also at one point was one of the first to introduce a mixed gender faculty. Up until then all our teachers had been "local housewives" within the international community. I remember at that time the whole environment at school shifted. With all the new teachers coming in, from all over the world, everything got all shook up. And when it settled down, culture talks and discussions were a big part of it.

Its only AFTER everyone's been going to universities in countries like USA, Canada and Australia that the fact we're different really hit home. Suddenly the safety net of "tckids" was gone. You see in Saudi Arabia as a collective we really were outsiders, and we were normal to each other, thats all we had known for almost 18+ years of our lives. Now there was a whole new world with different kinds of people. Back home social circles were all based around school, everyone's parents worked full time jobs, so there wasn't much socializing outside of the school environment. The School campus was the social meeting point, even for parents. Even now, almost 4 years after leaving home, we're all still very much in touch, thanks to facebook. And as the kids who graduated after us come to uni's here, the same comradeship applies. The age separations that used to matter in school, don't matter anymore. Now its our friendships as adults thats what important.


One of my closest friends introduced me to tckids. He went to university in Canada, and I'm down here in Australia. But we were always online, always a "yahoo buzz or sms" away. He'd been going through a really hard time, and as an avid reader that he is, came across the tckids book. And told me about. Now suddenly everything made sense. And thanks to tckids, we'd found an identity.

I've said it all in a really long winded way, and its not a specific story, for me its a story as part of a larger collective. And its been great to finally understand who we are.

I'd love to hear what other people have to say about their experiences, its meant a lot to me."</insert>

I think I first realised I was 'unusual' when I moved away from Taiwan for the first time (at age 7). Before that, I knew I was Taiwanese, there was no bringing me away from that fact. When I went to Switzerland on holidays once, my verdict was, "I like it, but there's too many foreigners." i.e. too many Western people. And I still label Western people as 'foreigners', actually.

I still went on seeing myself as Taiwanese for years after that, I guess. (I've never really looked at it this way before :P) I'm not sure now how much of it was real, actually - when I got bored in Maths class I would make myself cry and pretend I was too homesick to do my work. Or maybe it wasn't pretending. I'm not sure. When we moved to Singapore, I was ecstatic - it was Asia, after all. Then I got tired of it. Missed Germany. Then realised probably all this homesick-stuff was just because I was deprived of Taiwan. We hadn't even gone back for holidays since leaving it.

I think I started conditioning myself to what I wanted to feel. I started to get more of a Swiss identity when going to a Swiss school for the longest time I've ever been in one school. Then some days I felt like being Taiwanese. Other days I insisted I was African more than anything else. I did know about TCKs, in some sense - though only in the sense that I knew I was a missionary kid, and was really happy that I was one. There were other MKs in the Swiss school, and everyone there was actually TCKs because they were either from mixed families or - obviously - outside Switzerland. Or, conversely: my best friend was a Singaporean who had lived in Switzerland so long her Swiss German was better than her English. But I didn't really know what it MEANT to be a TCK.

I did have a sort of identity crisis, of course, when I was around 13/14. But that was more of a I-wish-I-were-in-a-different-century sort of crisis, and my book obsession going overboard. Though I think a bit of the not-knowing-where-I-come-from issue got into it too.

(phew, this story is long! o.O)

Then I came back to Taiwan a few years ago. I was sure that now I was coming back to my home country, everything would be nice again, I would fit in, etc. Of course I did not fit in. Try to fit in when you look as Western as can be (blonde... blue eyes... and way too pale!) and can't really speak much Chinese beyond 'my name is...' - 'I'm x years old...' - 'I live in...' etc. But I did start to realise that country and nationality really don't matter, just from thinking about it by myself.

Though I think it's still not completely cleaned up. I still 'switch' nationalities as I please - when it's a debate about poverty in Africa, I'm a South African; when it's about politics, the EU, that kind of thing, I'm Swiss; in practical life, I'm Taiwanese. Right now I'm facing the prospect of going to Switzerland to study (to actually live there for the first time in my life) and I'm pretty nervous because I'm definitely not going to fit in. But I think I've come to terms with being a TCK. I no longer feel terrible about not really belonging anywhere - I feel quite content as I am, and in some ways I find not fitting in anywhere rather convenient. What bothers me more nowadays is going to a secular school with no friends who share my religious beliefs.

Though now the question is: to what extent can I still say anything much about 'coming to terms with being a TCK', when at the moment I'm living in Taiwan and haven't had to deal with 'reverse culture shock' in Switzerland yet?? :P

I remember, when I discovered I was a TCK. It was like, I'm not alone. I moved to Hong Kong when I was four and I moved back two years later. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. As I've grown older I've discovered that nobody here in Canada really GETS that. I went to a private school and my classmates were Caucasian born and bred, sometimes I envy people for that. Some nights I just cry, for the world, I know what's going on and I try to be a normal 13 year old but its hard. Sometimes I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's like now that I know what happened to me is somewhat common, I feel much better. Thank you so much!

I had spent my childhood frequently moving from country to country, but during my mid-teens I had been living in the UK (my home nation) for the longest time I've ever lived in one country (5 years) and I noticed that I didn't feel as though I fit in with my peers on many deeper levels. I often felt as though I wasn't completely one of the group, and I always wondered to myself why my mindset was 'different' to others who I had grown up for 4 years with.

At the age of 16, I moved to America. If there was ever a time that I felt different, it was then. I felt so alone, most people in my high school classes had never left Illinois and many having lived in the same house all their lives. When people asked me about my expeiences in other countries, I found myself reluctant to tell them. I felt as though those times were mine and that if I shared my memories, that somehow their meaning to me would be lost. However, one day a guy started talking to me, and he told me about the term TCK. I researched various topics on it and realised that I fit the bill for one. I felt a sense of worth and identity. It gave me a release of all my earlier worries and made me appreciate all that I have experienced in my life. It took my breath away that others were feeling the same as me.

The fact seems that as humans, we find comfort being able to fit into a category, to feel accepted by someone, anyone, especially in a group where constant friends are hard to keep. I read a poem by Whitni Thomas called Colors and it was at that moment that it suddenly clicked. I suggest this poem to find an alternative way of expressing how a TCK feels.

Thank you so much Brice for this website :)

So um... well I think it was earlier this year when I first heard the term TCK. A good friend was going to do some research on the work and what began as a catching up conversation suddenly became so much more. And without overly dramatic everything started to make sense from then on - but it was a slow process.

I'm still learning a lot about what it means to be a TCK and how it actually affects me and the choices I've made. But it is absolutely amazing how much more fits and how much less I feel like an alien.

I always thought I was just weird or inadequate as communication failed and I constantly seemed to be misunderstood. Yet my friends on the other side of the world always understood me better - I was convinced that I was in the wrong country (I live in the UK) and would have perhaps have left before my graduation if I had not met my wife who is also a TCK and for the first time I felt that I belonged somewhere.

With her and I can in many ways be myself for the first time, still knowing that this is not an uncommon 'problem' and that all of you are out there makes such a difference to me, I wouldn't be able to put it into words even though I really wanted to.

I've told so many people about TCKid and who we are as TCKs, and for many I can see that they too will begin these journeys - and it excites me.
We can never be all we're meant to be if we have no identity to begin with; we have to start somewhere. And this is why I really like what this community is about - please never stop spreading the word.

Thanks guys.

Hi,
I'm a little sensitive about it all but I would rather risk talking and sharing than staying quiet and missing the chance to help someone else, you know?

It's a responsibility I think every TCK has.


My story.. I've known this term for a couple of years, even before I left the mission field. My experiences there weren't the best and I'm sure, weren't the worst, I just wish that either way they'd been life changing enough to keep me from being so bitter about the entire experience.

Healing is slow... a lot slower than I'd like. I can barely make in on the site a few times a month, if that because every time I do I spend the next couple of nights in tears at all the memories-good and bad.

Being in the midwest it's hard to find other tck's, other people who share the experience. So many people here have rarely been out of state, much less out of the country and certainly didn't grow up anywhere but a farmhouse on a cornfield, most of the time. If they were lucky they grew up in Kansas City or Omaha, but who am I kidding? I envy them sometimes for despite their own personal challenges, the simplicity of their worldview doesn't get them kicked out of classrooms or ending arguments about world politics with "But that doesn't make it Right!" half the time.

It's a long slow haul, and I've got a long way to go, but I certainly haven't given up.

Healing takes time, and I plan to stick around to work through the process.

Still... learning there was an actual name, a label that I could cling to to explain what so often felt Wrong with me, or sometimes felt so Right when I did meet the occaisional stranger who I found an instant bond with over...something that to us seemed so trivial.

I went to stay with a friend from my Japan years back in 1997, in New York. He had grown up in Japan as an American. He passed me Ruth van Reken's book and as soon as I opened it and started reading the first pages I recognised myself. It was a huge relief.

Over the years though, I tended to forget why I am the way I am, why I have the belonging and depression problem and why it does not get solved or easier. I came to Hong Kong from London, partly because i thought there would be lots of people like me. But i noticed that 95% of the expats here have started travelling as part of their professional life. I still don't know where to go. I think everyone has their own way of resolving this. Belonging, along with purpose are two of the most important things in one's life. It seems there's still a lot to be said there.

Thanks to this website I know where to turn for community, if at least in cyberspace. :-)

I found out I was a TCK about 4 years ago.

I grew up in Austria, but went to College in the US. My dad is an int'l school teacher in Vienna.
One evening when I was talking to my parents they mentioned that they had been at a seminar hosted at the school by David Pollock discussing the concept of Third Culture Kids and the book he co-authored with Ruth Von Reken. Unfortunately turning that talk he collapsed and was rushed off by ambulance. Later he died in the hospital.

I was intrigued by this concept, and went out and bought the book. It all made so much sense, I now understood so much. It was a tragic and sudden loss, but I can't help but wonder if it hadn't happened that way, whether my parents would have thought to mention anything to me, and whether I would have found myself.

That's how I found out I was a TCK.

My story must be something like an odyssee throughout the decades that passed after my return from Papua New Guinea. I was 8 when I left Germany (I usually write "G." to indicate that I don´t consider it as my country), and 16/17 when I returned. At age 11 my parents put me into an international missionary boarding school where I stayed all those years of our stay, i.e. ca. 5 of the 7 years. When I returned I was busy struggling with the odds and ends of life, e.g. job possibilities and in and out of mission agencies trying to find a way back to Papua New Guinea. I was confined like a bird in a cage. I was unable to reflect too much about myself, only trying to accommodate as best as I could (which was not very positive). People did not accept me, or ridicule and belittle me. I had noone to turn to. So you can imagine that loneliness was the only reality that turned me in.
In the past few years I heard about Ruth van Reken´s and David Pollock´s book on the TCKs. I didn´t have the money nor saw any reason to get the book until someone gave me a bonus for a book after helping him with an English paper he had to write for school. Then I looked at my wish list of books I was interested to read and decided to buy the book on TCKs. It was such an overwhelming experience. Until then (2005) I felt forsaken not only from my own family who considered my pathological because of my odd behavior (we never talked about it) but also because I for the first time found other people of the same background who had similar experiences. I said to myself: hey, that´s me alright! it is as I have always sensed it and someone else just simply took it out of my mouth. It was an overwhelming sense of relief. I was not alone in this and there were others out there who had a similar story to share. Wow!

A few years ago I read an article about a teenager who grew up in Japan then went "home to the US". He'd never lived there before in his life and the article described how no one could relate to his Asian experience, nor did anyone seem to care. It was a lightbulb moment for me and I went online to read all I could about TCKs. There are no words to express how excited (and relieved and proud) I was to know my experience wasn't unusual or weird; it was valid and had a name; and that there were thousands like me who grew up global and struggled to fit in.

These days I find myself wishing over and over that I'd known this growing up. I wish my mother, who was with the Foreign Service, was still around. We could have spent hours and hours over coffee talking about it, but instead I have missed out on the insights we could have discovered together.

This is why, over the past couple of years, I've sought out her old colleagues in the service. Many of them are close to retiring, but a few are close enough to me here in Asia for me to visit. Connecting with my TCK past through these wonderful men and women has been - as you can well imagine - both a fulfilling and bittersweet journey for me. Now my restlessness has a bit more purpose, and in my wandering about, I have felt "at home" in more places than one.

Agreed. And this part is powerful too -
"I was neither American, Korean, Korean-American, nor American-Korea, I was just simply Daniel Suh."

To be honest, I laughed when I read it, but it's very powerful too. That's what I want out of this whole TCK 'movement' (for a lack of a better word) - to learn to see past the cultural garb and see the person inside. It's the same with me. When my parents and sister see me, they simply see 'Danau'. Nothing more, nothing less. No cultural garb whatsoever. The same goes with other people who love me and whom I love.

And this made me teary (what Linda said about how her daughter Uma reached out to someone): "And then, after 8 months of not uttering one word, the girl walks into class and speaks for the very first time. She says: Hi, Uma." Wow....Oh no, it's making me teary again just thinking about how powerful that is.

Wow, that's an amazing story, Daniel. Thanks for sharing this.


"I went to South Korea as an exchange student during college years to search for an identity, but when I came back after a year, I still did not know who I was."


..

"That is when I first heard about the idea of a TCK and I have been researching about the idea every since."

That's powerful.

When I found out I was a TCK, I was shocked to know that a title for me existed in this world. I have been searching for an identity all my life by traveling to other countries only to end up as 'different' from the rest. Here is my story.
Prior to discovering that I was a TCK, I struggled with identity problems throughout my life stuck in between two cultures that were totally different (Korean and American). Also, living in society that was not educated about the Asian culture (<1% Asian population) made it much harder to live. I was born and raised in America, going to American schools, however living in a Korean household under strict traditional morals and ethics. My parents came straight from Korea before I was born and did not understand the American culture at all and raised me as how children are raised in Korea, which eventually led to many problems in my childhood. I had problems with making friends, 'fitting in', academics, fashion, food, personality issues. Basically I had problems with everything that dealt with culture and the worst part was that I felt like I was the only person dealing with this silent struggle.
Eventually, the problem affected me so much that I went to South Korea as an exchange student during college years to search for an identity, but when I came back after a year, I still did not know who I was. I concluded that I was neither American, Korean, Korean-American, nor American-Korea, I was just simply Daniel Suh. As I was thinking to myself that I was the only person in this world that understood myself and the problems I was going through, I stopped complaining and did something about it.
I started a business plan- a magazine on Asian Entertainment that was centralized on Korean American culture. While I was working on it I, I presented the idea in front of KAC (Korean American Coalition) panel who told me that the demographic population was too small and recommended me to research into a group called the Third Culture Kids who had the same goals (build a new culture and set a foundation for cross cultured children) proposed in my business plan. That is when I first heard about the idea of a TCK and I have been researching about the idea every since. I ordered the book and joined the forums which gave me more insight into the everyday TCK. Also, I have started to be active in volunteering and plan to help more in the future. It is a relieve that after the 22 years of identity struggles, I can formally call myself a TCK and share experiences with others that understand me at TCKID.

i first found out about the term tck last year, about a year ago from now on. And i can truly say it was one of a defining moment in my life!!

From my memory.. how i came to know this term is quiet strange.
Once a again.. I was going through some issues about not fitting in. sense of belonging etc (at that time not even knowing what this struggel exactly was as it wasn't defined for me yet.) searching for an answer.. i think i randomly typed some thoughts/questions that i was facing.. eg: cultural identity issues.. something like that. And I was introduced to the term tck! that i never have heard before.. it was wikipeida that gave me a clearer understading about the term. this was the starting point that triggered me to discover more and more about this term and people.. until i landed at tckid. :)

yes, this is my story.
it is beyond description what it did to me.. especially after reading the book about tck. now i don't question.. i realize. i accept. i appreciate.

finding out I was a TCK has been amazing!!! when I lived in Texas, I struggled to fit in, no matter how hard I tried... then I actually met a TCK here in the TCKID chatroom.

We exchanged emails, and eventually got on Skype ... and now we're best friends.

This community really changed my life, this is why I got involved to help.

I'm a mixed race missionary kid. My mother who teaches ESL in Thailand forwarded some info about TCKs to me. It's absolutely fascinating, and I wish I had known about it while I was growing up.

Discovering about TCK's made a tremendous impact, it made everything fall into place. I actually found out about TCK's because my own daughter was going through such a rough time. Experiencing the struggle to get accepted in a new place with her was heart breaking and cleansing at the same time. Knowing about the TCK's helped me to help her. So, this is absolutely great and I am very thankful for that.


I absolutely think this website is great place, but let's not get stuck in the 'TCK world'. Let's use our knowledge and experience to reach out to all those people that are struggling. Since we now have accepted ourselves for what we are, it is important to see the 'not fitting in' issue in a broader perspective. In our judgmental world, would it not be great to just not be judgmental anymore? To look past negativity and empathize with that person's issue causing him or her to be negative? How have we responded to the outside world when we were confused and not feeling understood? Exactly!


This whole experience has taught me so much. It taught me to finally love myself and I now want to share that love. Love is such a powerful thing, it can heal almost anything!

Before I sign off, I wanted to also share how my daughter Uma is using her own experience. While she was struggling very hard to fit in in her new school, another girl in her class was going through a similar situation. She is Japanese and has just moved to the USA this school year. She did not speak a word of English when she got here. The whole situation frightened her so much that she could not speak in class.

Nobody had ever heard her voice.

When my daughter was overcoming some of her own fears, she started to reach out to this Japanese girl. Although, they did not really speak, some kind of communication was there. And then, after 8 months of not uttering one word, the girl walks into class and speaks for the very first time. She says: Hi, Uma.


Wow, how powerful is that!

From an email (name kept anonymous):

"Finding out being a TCK gave me all the correct terminology
to rebuild my identity.

i had had so many FOO issues -
probably a good 15 years on it -
and although tck issues wasn't the only issue
involved for my family - (korean culture and
the health of each individual parent needs to
be considered) - it still gave me a very
empowering and healing sense of self.

i've gone through repatriation twice,
and *survived* -

and the most helpful thing that liberated me
was the concept of "hidden immigrant".

Great story. :)

Hey Brice,
I just learnt today why you do this stuff. I posted some TCKID stuff on facebook. One of my friends read the stuff. And was deeply affected by discovering that he was "third cultured". It sorted lots of things out for him.

But he didn't quite know what to make of it. He thought he was the only one that was feeling so deeply affected, until I shared my own healing story (in which I cried and I cried and I cried as I got healed, and felt perfectly awesome after).

Then he realized that it was normal to be deeply affected by it, and wrote to me and told me how so glad he is at the new discovery.

And I was like - Wow!

I knew it affected me deeply. And I knew that it has affected a lot of people on TCKID who I only know through the computer screen deeply. But for some reason I didn't think that it would affect my own friends deeply. But it has. Why didn't I think of that? I can't believe it didn't occur to me!

I can understand how you feel now! How you feel about wanting to spread the word.

It's given me a new perspective on it.

(But I should have known! I was a teeny bit dense I must say.)

What can I say, I am someone who found out I was a TCK about 20 years ago!

But its thanks to TCKid that I began to really understand myself and deal with some of the issues that being a TCK brings. I was eager to get involved in something that would make a difference in the lives of TCKs as I had seen the need having spoken to others who felt they were dealing with life issues on their own.

I am so grateful to Brice for allowing me to get involved in TCkid, and as he says above, its so much more than just a forum or a website. Its about me and its about you and its about making a difference... I dont think it matters what form TCKid makes as long as it's touching lives.

This coming year for me is a mixed one, its gonna be bitter-sweet but thanks to the support of those who comment or I am in contact with at TCKid I will get through it. Yes I am passionate about TCK's and although you may not see me post very often on the forum I do my best to support the work Brice and others do.

I am donating part of my Christmas bonus to TCKid this year. I know Brice finds it difficult to ask you to give but I'm going to. Please, if you can spare some money, donate to TCKid, I know the paypal button works because I've already used it. TCKid was there for me when I need/needed it and its there for you also.

However, its not all about donations. I found I helped myself so much more by helping others on TCKid.

Responding to other peoples questions and frustrations can and does make a difference.

I would suggest that if you post on the forum for instance, you also reply to 2 other people's posts too. "It's better to give than receive." You will gain far more from reading and commenting on other people's posts than just putting your own views across. You learn so much more about yourself that way.

I know Brice and others are eager to get as many people to get involved in TCK issues as there is such a need to help and support TCK's. We have so much to share but some of us go through very difficult times and need the help and support of others. In a way, just by donating to TCKid you are donating to yourself and others like yourself. I sometimes thing of it as a mental health service. (that sounds slightly corny I know.)

Forgive me Brice for mentioning the D (donate) word. But as I want others to donate to TCKid just as I have. Keep up the good work.

Paul