Marriage: Could I ever really commit myself to someone who didn’t grow up a TCK?
I’m at the age now where some of the people I grew up with are starting to get married… and that got me thinking: could I ever really commit myself to someone who didn’t grow up a TCK?
I live in England at the moment; the first country I’ve lived in where I’m not immersed in an international community in quite the same way as when I was younger, and the relative coherence of English national identity as compared to my own never ceases to amaze me; they watched the same TV shows growing up, they share similar traditions and class stereotypes, they have a home town - the list goes on. I’ve absorbed a lot of the culture, and I’m comfortable in this country, but I will never have a English past.
How on earth would it work - an ATCK and someone whose identity is tied to their country? What if your spouse refuses to move, and you really want to? Would the children have a nationality - half British, half ‘Global’? How do you share your culture with your children when it isn’t tied to a place?
If there’s anyone here who is married to or in a long-term relationship with someone who didn’t grow up a TCK, please share your experiences - I’m really interested to know how you tackle problems.
January 7th, 2009 (2 days ago) at 7:18 pm
I guess it really depends on the person you end up with. For some it won’t work, for others it’s like your soulmate.
The person not only should be open-minded but also not afraid of change or just being “different”. There are non-TCKs that cannot stand that or can never get used to that but there are others that can’t wait for change to happen.
I am going out with a non-TCK for over 6 years now and the only places he had actually lived in are two states in the US and the last time he left the country was more than a decade ago. However, he has always been interested in my background and enjoys my “international” cooking LOL Of course there is a catch - he is not much of a mover and likes to be in places he is familiar, in other words he preferring staying put in one place instead of moving all over. And I don’t have a problem with that - because it works out that I want to settle down.
So I guess my point is a TCK and a non-TCK can work out if 1) each can accept each lifestyle (if you’re the type that will end up moving every 3-4 years the non-TCK must be able to handle, otherwise no matter how much you love each other it won’t work out), 2) be honest about each other (I guess this goes with every other type of couple TCK or not) and 3) be willing to grow and compromise the differences (if you can’t commit to that things definitely can’t work out).
I guess the above applies to all types of couples but I think TCKs need to be more honest about themselves and their relationships than the non-TCK couples because we are complicated as it is that a lot of things can be surprising for others even though we may not think so.
Hope this helps!
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