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The differences in the view of marriage in different cultures?
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It is interesting to note the differences in the view of marriage in different cultures.
In the Western world, marriage does not have the sense of commitment that it used to. Personally I think this is because of the emphasis on feelings and love. For many people they believe that marriage involves the love that involves fancying someone or being attracted to them only. So when these feelings go they move on to the next partner.
Some cultures a man can have more than one wife. Something you would be put in jail for in the West. Yep you have multiple wives and secretly some of these wives have “boyfriends”. But the emphasis is on a family unit where the husband provides for the wives. The head wife is the first wife. The marriage is arranged when the girl is in her early teens and after the marriage the girl lives with her parents until she is old enough to go and live with her husband.
So here we have a completely different approach to marriage, not one based on love but based on commitment and tradition. No fairy tale wedding, not based on feelings. So which is right or better?
Consider this conversation between a westerner and someone in a multi-wife culture.
“I think it is wrong for you to have more than one wife!”
“I care for and love my wives. Having more than one wife means that if someone is ill, there is somebody else to look after them. Anyway your culture is bad.”
“Why is that?”
“You have more than one wife, you divorce one and get another. At least we look after our wives and don’t discard them like you do in your culture!”
Now bear in mind, I am not saying that one culture is right or wrong, rather that often their is a misconception about what marriage should be and what the ideal marriage can be. Hopefully this thread will give people an open mind when they look at condemning other cultures for the way they do things without considering that their own culture has faults too.
Edited addition:
What sort of traditions in marriage have you come across?
How do you feel about them? Right, wrong or neither?
Is the issue of arranged marriage something that you have had experience with?
What do you think of this post?
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July 22nd, 2008 at 9:04 am
“I care for and love my wives. Having more than one wife means that if someone is ill, there is somebody else to look after them. Anyway your culture is bad.”
“Why is that?”
“You have more than one wife, you divorce one and get another. At least we look after our wives and don’t discard them like you do in your culture!”
Haha I can actually see this conversation happening.
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July 22nd, 2008 at 9:15 am
But you know what I always find interesting? When the tables are turned and they oppose their own cultures view of marriage.
REBELS!
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July 22nd, 2008 at 10:15 am
Stop picking on Mormons - they are nice people :p
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July 22nd, 2008 at 11:54 am
I have nothing against polygamy - when it is a woman’s choice. In cultures where the woman is not given a choice, there are higher deaths among women from murder, suicide and accidents - I don’t think this is a coincidence. This is not to say that monogamy is better - especially given the divorce rates and escalating violence against women, seen in the West -the suicide rates are lower, but then, a woman who dies bound and gagged and set on fire, is not said to have committed suicide in the West.
Monogamous arranged marriages, seem to be the most successful - for whatever reason. Having said that, my parents married for love and are happily still together after 50+ years.
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July 22nd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Well having grown up in India, where polygamy is still legal for the muslim population, i’ve met a few polygamous families and they seem to be very functional and happy etc. But I mean something does bug me. I know that when polygamy is legal it’s usually because one of the country’s major religions permit it. But from what i know, everywhere polygamy is legal (because religions that are ok w/e polygamy aren’t ok w/ polyandry), polyandry is not. And in my opinion that subjugates women. Which i don’t find particularly fair.
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July 22nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Polygamy is traditionally practised by men of status and/or affluence. How else could a man afford to house, clothe, feed & educate all his off-spring from several women? Also, if the man dies the only woman who’s position is usually guaranteed is his first and only wife, as he legally only has one wife. Every other woman actually in reality is a concubine seeing as the “marriage” is not legal hence no legal entitlements.
Now, I have experienced a relationship with a man who believed in Polygamy. It was an abusive relationship where my needs were not met on any level. When I lived in Atlanta I saw first-hand polygamous relationships in “Black Muslim”, “Hebrew Israelite” as well as Rasta communities (no Mormon ones folks - sorry :). None of the marriages has stood the test of time unless the man was significantly older and roped in a much younger girl who’s mind has been moulded to “serve” the purposes of her “King”. I just saw a whole bunch of women disillusioned, burnt out & who felt used & abused and feeling like “used goods” for being taken on a ride by “righteous” men who were everything but. Who claimed his role was to take care of “his women” but left them to fend for himselves because really, it was all based on ego and collecting pichka (croatian for Cat if you get my drift).
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July 22nd, 2008 at 4:39 pm
@ BRICE
Being relegated to plaid and bad floral prints would make me cry for a divorce immediately…lol…
Jokes aside, call me superficial but I could not just breed and take care of a family and be happy. No education, no travel, no passionate exchange with any other man except my “husband” who has many women in the home to choose from. I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too selfish to sacrifice my life to a man who does not care for our relationship or to sacrifice my goals to breed several children who did not need to be born but were because I would be prohibited to use birth control.
These cats are pimps man…I don’t care - I said and will say it again!?
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July 23rd, 2008 at 5:53 am
The current Mormon Church (Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints), does not sanction polygamy so there shouldn’t be any current examples of them doing this. Those who go ahead and practice it are excommunicated from the church. Some Mormons who insisted on this practice were excommunicated and went ahead and created their own off-shoot religions (or cults if you want to call it that) and were in trouble with the law recently, i.e. Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints.
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July 30th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Hmm, seems that we just cant help but find fault in other cultures anyhow. The issue I was raising was not necessarily the issue of polygamy, rather the issue of how cultures view each other.
In the west we are often self righteous about how we are right not to have more than one wife, yet in many ways we do the same thing by devorcing and remarrying, or not even marrying at all but just moving from partner to partner. We end up being polygamous just not at the same time.
Hmm Also, just because one person treated their wives badly does not mean all do. In fact I would say the same thing happens when monogamous people devorce. Do we say then that because one monogamous person treated their wife badly, all monogamous people are just as bad and as evil?
Just so you know, I am not promoting polygamy, but in the same way I am not for devorce and remarriage just because people get bored of their partner or fancy someone else.
It seems to me both cultures are flawed, in an ideal world there would only be 1 partner and they would be together for life. But this is not an ideal world and cultures often adapt to the surroundings and events that happen in life.
Who is to say that a lack of men due to perhaps war meant that a man would marry more than one wife so that they could be cared for. Perhaps it was a way of caring for widows too. Often there is more to a tradition or a culture than first meets the eye.
My suggestion is more needs to done to understand the reasonings in cultures before we judge and condemn how other peoples live.
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July 30th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
@ GREENEAGLEZ
No is judging any culture nor being “self-righteous”.
Have you ever lived within a polygamous community? I am not talking about living in a country where it occurs I mean in the THICKET of a community. I have. It is toxic. I would prefer a society where two people who marry & divorce have laws to protect themselves. In polygamous unions only one woman is the legal spouse. If the man passes away or the woman escapes a domestic violence situation she has no legal rights to his property, wealth etc etc she may have helped bill because he has another woman by law.
I think it is important to not idealize situations which unfortunately many supporters of polygamy do. And once you get past the facade every single woman does not like sharing a husband. She does NEED to. Copious children do not NEED to be born. It is a lifestyle not of necessity but of choice. Even the Quran speaks that polygamy should only be used in exceptional cirumstances not be the norm because of the HUGE responsibilities that ensue.
Have you watched “Big Love” ever? Does that look like an ideal, happy home? Far from it.
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July 30th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
BTW…none of us on here (to my knowledge) have forcibly removed anyone from a polygamous union nor impeded on another’s culture rights to practise it so in turn, how does having a perspective that is not pro-polygamy REALLY equate with judgement or self-righteousness in your eyes? Everyone judges everyone. Every single person on this website has judged a culture/country/there own family members disparagingly! That is one of the mainstays of this website - people’s gripes and issues with cultures/countries and other people! We experience intolerance and in turn are intolerant of other people not having OUR experience! In a sense we TCK/CCK are kinda oxymoronic really
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