Maira’s blog - yet more cultural shock
Ok, I think it’s about time I start a blog here. Not that I promise to keep it. Yeah, like other people who’ve started a blog on this site, I’m not very good at comitting. But I’ll try.
So here it goes (I thought about posting it on the “TCK moments” thread, but figured it wasn’t exactly one, so I decided to start my blog with it):
For those who don’t know, I’ve been living (or shall I say surviving) in my “home” country for (ugh!) 18 years now. In 2006 I went to Canada for 2 months and had a terrible reverse cultural shock and it’s how I ended up finding out about TCK.
We’re in 2008 so one would think the cultural shock should have been gone by now. But I just found out it hasn’t. And probably never will. Sigh! 
So I was in sailing class and my teacher was talking about another classmate “yeah, Chris started the classes but then he went to live in Germany [at this point I thought “oh cool”]. But he stayed there for some time and realised that it’s not his thing, that Brazil is the best place to live and our city is the best city in the country.”
At this point my thoughts were pretty mature and I thought “oh, good for him, he figured out where he wants to live and where he belongs.”
But then, the most shocking thing happened!
One of the other classmates went in a jokingly tone “what? he had to go all the way to Germany to find out that HERE is the best place to live?” [as if it were obvious to him and the whole world that this city and Brazil is the best place to live in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD]. If it were another moment, I’d totally freak out with the guy. But I just said calmly “well, some people sometimes have to go all the way around the world to figure out where they want to live.”
But the teacher went “yeah, everyone wants to move here [I do live in a city where lots of tourists come in the summer and fall in love and decide to move here (and they buy properties and real estate is sky rocketing)], and the guy goes to Germany!”. And the other classmate was like “yeah, this place is a paradise”. (btw both of these classmates are from other cities of Brazil and probably moved here the way I just said)
At this point I was burning inside. But since long ago I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and keep my opinions for myself when I see that everyone else around me will diverge. So I stayed quiet.
But it kinda freaked me out a little. I mean, these are cool people. We go sailing together and we learn together. We never talk too much, but they always seemed like nice open-minded people (who are doing a different sport, because I live in a beach town and EVERYBODY surfs here - meaning of course that I grew up hating surfers because I wouldn’t/didn’t want to allow myself to belong here).
But anyway, they seemed like nice people to whom I could relate to in some way, because we enjoy the same sport. But apparently that’s where it ends. That’s all I can relate to.
It felt like a cultural shock to me. Like I had just found out that the people that I considered “my own” in some way, weren’t.
It’s terrible. It’s the (reverse?) cultural shock still going on. I put “reverse” in parenthesis because, well, this isn’t 100% my home country and city.
It just feels so strange. How I suddenly find out that they’re so different from me. I don’t belong here I never did (ok, maybe when I was 3 before I ever left this country I did) and I never will.
It’s complicated because it’s a mixed feeling. Of wanting and not wanting to belong. Maybe it’s not really a “wanting to belong” but more of a sadness for not belonging, to the place that I’m supposed to belong. But I don’t. I just don’t. And I’ve already tried belonging and it went against my values, so “thanks, but no thanks”. But it just feels wierd.
Maybe it’s also the pressure, because everyone loves this city so much, how could I not enjoy even one tiny bit of it? (this is what made me start these sailing classes in the first the place - and I AM actually enjoying sailing). But I just have to conform that I’ll never be able to love this place 100% like everyone else does, because my values aren’t all here, because I’ve seen so much of the world that I can’t say there is ONE best city to live in, because I know that every city has it’s good and it’s bad part, because I know that everyone has a different life story and thus will feel more or less comfortable in one place or another. I’m sorry Brazil, I just can’t.
ok, drama session over…I just wanted to get this off my chest
Maira Bay de Souza
Born in Brazil, then moved to England, then back to Brazil, then to Wales, then Back to Brazil. Now planning on moving to Canada in 2009 (or maybe even 2008!). MSN: mairabay AT hotmail DOT com Skype: mairabayRelated Posts
8 Comments to “Maira’s blog - yet more cultural shock”
February 10th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
oh I get this all the time, here in the States. I hate all the “This is the best country in the world!” but I doubt that even 50% of the country has even gone abroad, let alone out of their prospective states. I also hate the question “so which country is better? Finland or America?” And I can’t answer it. I see flaws in both.
I just don’t see how people can be so single-minded, but alas, I doubt those people have had any experiences remotely close to the ones we have had!
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February 10th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hey Maira
I am exactly where you are atm. Most people here in Aus don’t understand that there are other countries in which to live.
For example, a few weeks ago i was at lunch with some friends and one of them said “Oh, i don’t know why you want to leave here all the time Isa, it’s the best place to live in the entire world.”
And i’m like “Have you ever lived anywhere else?”
She hadn’t of course.
She said said “Well, i know that i wouldn’t want to live in America. The food is terrible — like what we ate in LA.You can’t eat heathily.”
Ad i’m like “Well, that’s exactly my point. You haven’t lived there. You can eat very healthily there. And you can eat very unhealthily in Sydney.”
\
It can be very very frustrating.
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February 12th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Isa: That’s happened to me everywhere I’ve lived and yes, it’s very frustrating. :s
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February 12th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
oh wow, well, i get that with some of the flips here. they’re all, ‘woot im flip, pinoy pride’. dude, i WANNA say that, but i cant bring myself to it. id rather say ‘woot, UAE ya aslan’ cause i feel prouder of that place, more than i feel about my birthplace. maira, clear your head, do some yoga, you’ll be alright
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February 14th, 2008 at 5:23 am
thanks fetus!
thanks everyone for your replies!
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February 21st, 2008 at 1:01 am
I understand what you’re saying. I live in the US now, and all my life i’ve wanted to move here so that I could “finally belong” (my parents are american, and i look like a typical american) But now that I’m here i feel like i REALLY don’t belong since I don’t share any of the same background as anyone else. And it really pisses me off that people here think America is the best place to live and never want to even explore or discover any other part of the world. At least it seems.
(I’m bitter too sometimes)
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February 21st, 2008 at 1:38 am
Hi Ellen,
We’re from the US as well, and fully agree that this whole “Go USA!” attitude is annoying…enraging even. Our friends were all very supportive of our move. We encountered most of our US loyalty from family, and no amount of discussion could even give them pause to consider the possiblity of living elsewhere. Coincidentally perhaps, our supportive friends are typically more liberal, and the detractors tend to be more conservative (say, people who voted for George W.) We came from a beautiful area for sure. The US does have many nice attributes for sure. What the terminally ignorant refuse to consider is that where we currently are in NZ is also beautiful, and the NZ government, people, and culture has many positives as well. Imagine that! Free societies outside the mighty US! Why, that’s practically unheard of (if you exclude a large portion of Europe, Canada, Australasia, and a whole host of other countries)!
Culture shock is an interesting thing. My wife and I are experiencing living abroad in totally different ways. She routinely feels home sick, yet can’t really pinpoint any particular reason. I’ve felt quite comfortable here since the plane touched down.
We have talked to a handful of people here (Dunedin) who, much like the folks discussed here, really do think this is the best place on earth to live. We also suspect that in the short time we’ve been here, we’ve probably seen much more of their country than they have!
If anyone is looking for a nice place to reinvent themselves, NZ’s a pretty nice place! Depending on your profession, immigration can be a pretty slick process too!
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February 21st, 2008 at 4:08 am
My parents’ generation were Vietnamese immigrants to the US. After 20-30 years living there, my aunts and uncles are pretty Americanized. When we go back to Vietnam, they actually imagine that things are as bad now as they were in the 60’s, such as no running water, lack of electricity, and so on. When my cousin came with us once, his extended family (on his mother’s side) insisted that he take Malaria pills, you know, the kind where you take them every day 2 weeks before a trip, during a trip, and after it. Malaria Pills! As if dying horribly in the jungle that way were still common! It’s a serious disease if you get it, but the fact that they felt it was THAT unsafe was extremely irritating.
My aunt figures that Houston, Texas, is the best place to raise her children. While there may well be no immediate threat of bomb attacks, I can’t help feeling that my schooling provided me with at least as much benefit in life experience and opportunities. If not more.
But it’s frustrating to see that even families which did move around can get trapped behind borders and ways of thinking.
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