Maira’s Blog - Travel Anxiety
[warning: this post is totally random disconnected moaning]
I woke up early - on a holiday! - and couldn’t sleep anymore, I think it was insomnia. Now my stomach feels weird (I did eat a big piece of cake though).
It seems like all my health problems are surfacing together.
Ok, nevermind. I’m being too dramatic (as usual :P). I think there’s some PMS too.
I’m pretty screwed up right? can’t even handle a pre-travel anxiety, have all my problems surface at once.
why do I criticize myself so much? why am I so perfectionist?
well, from all of the people in the world (literally) you guys are the ones who get me, who get all of the crap I’ve been through. And many of you have been to similar or even worse things, right? But we all survived. We’re all here and that’s all that matters.
So yesterday I went to meet this TCK, that I found out lives in the same city I do. He found me through this website and recognized the city through my ranting! (lol it’s funny, but I’m glad my ranting was useful for something positive!)
His life was different than mine because he always knew he was different from everyone else (unlike me). And talking to him, I just realized how messed up I am (emotionally) and how lonely I am. Just because of this tiny little detail in my childhood.
And why? why on Earth can’t I just get over it?
So now I realized I need people. I’m traveling alone (which is good in a way) but I wish I was going with friends. But I shut myself from people (thinking “these stupid monos, never got me, treat me like crap, always judging me, etc”) and this is the consequence.
I’m changing this feeling now. I’m realising that monos can be good people, if I stop being so scared of them. The world is nice and people are nice. I just have to believe more in that.
All I know is I’ve got to get myself together. Come on, I went all the way to Canada in 06 by myself, for 2 months. I’ve accomplished so many other things.
The good news is that there are people in Chile. That sounds funny right? But yes, sometimes I forget people exist. I get trapped in my stupid problems.
So hopefully I will meet people, and they will be nice to me 
even if it’s just the people in the hotels, shops, etc.
Ok, I promise you and myself that I will have a good time. I’ll take tons of pictures and post them somewhere. 
Just go out there and have fun, girl!
Maira Bay de Souza
Born in Brazil, then moved to England, then back to Brazil, then to Wales, then Back to Brazil. Now planning on moving to Canada in 2009 (or maybe even 2008!). MSN: mairabay AT hotmail DOT com Skype: mairabayRelated Posts
6 Comments to “Maira’s Blog - Travel Anxiety”
May 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Mairabay: I can relate to what you are saying. I think that when we are adolescents and mono-cultural people give you a lot of crap it can become a kind of trauma and leave us a bit crippled in later life.
I know I have a few issues, i.e. I really hate it when people tell me to change myself in anyway because it reminds me of the stuff I went through when I repatriated, I think.
I think you’re going in a good direction though. You should make friends with mono-cultural people. I have made friends with quite a few of them and the nice ones are nice
So no need to get scared of them.
Of course some of them turned out to be unpleasant after awhile but you know…this can happen with anyone.
By the way I also have days when I wake-up in the morning and can’t go back to sleep. Right now I’m sleeping nicely and I hope it stays that way for some time now.
Hope you can sleep nicely tonight so that your stomach at least feels better.
(Is this spam?)
May 24th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I love this post.
Thanks for sharing this Maira, that’s a great attitude to have! We’re looking forward to the pics. Make sure to have an awesome time. 
(Is this spam?)
May 26th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Maira, I could see that you were frustrated after the meet-up. Stay strong, girl! I am sure you already know this but it’s not your fault that your life seems more messy. We all have different personalities and take in even the same experience differently.
From experience and learning, I noticed that TCKs who are very relational and love-oriented (who place high value in having close friends) tend to struggle more with grief and a sense of belonging than those per say who like to perfect themselves (I am not talking about perfectionists here but I am referring to those who set rules for themselves to make their life whole and not necessarily require intimate friendships in reaching their goals to meet the rules). I think generally girls tend to be more relational than guys who go out in the field and kick the ball, thus girls have more precursor to be emotionally hurt in their relationships than guys who cool off themselves. My interpretation may be wrong but at least I see a general difference.
(Is this spam?)
May 26th, 2008 at 8:43 am
I know what you mean about travelling on your own. I’m going to spend a couple of weeks in Hungary in September on my own, not particularly out of choice (although it doesn’t really bother me) but everyone else I asked is busy, working, can’t afford it, etc. I’ve never gone on a trip that long on my own before, but there certainly are ‘harder’ countries to visit than Hungary if you’re on your own. I don’t know about Chile since I’ve never been there…
But one thing I’ve noticed is that in the West there seems to be this ‘fear’ of being on your own. I don’t mean forever (because that’s a little more valid…), but for example going on a trip on your own - is it really that big a deal? A couple of people I’ve mentioned it to were really surprised, almost shocked, that I’d travel on my own, whereas I know of (for example) some Chinese people I met at University who travel on their own.
But you’re right, there’s nothing wrong with mono-cultural people. I have mono-cultural friends and I’ve even travelled with them in the past. My problem is just that I don’t feel like I connect with them that well. There’s always the feeling that they don’t get me somehow - whether it’s true or not. When it comes down to it though, we don’t necessarily get them either!
(Is this spam?)
June 7th, 2008 at 10:39 am
thanks everyone for your comments! I had a great time in Chile! I’ll write a post to tell more about it!
you are right, nick. many people here and in Chile told me how brave I was for travelling alone. I hope your trip in September goes well
I’ll post a link to the pictures soon!
(Is this spam?)
June 7th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Awesome! looking forward to them, Maira
(Is this spam?)