Maira’s blog - And then I decided to count.
I decided to count how many days I’d go with (or later I decided it was easier to count the days without) going through these cultural shocks like the one I described on my other blog post
So it’s been 2 weeks, and the count so far is …. *surprise*: 0. (I realised something that I already thought was true) I don’t go ONE SINGLE DAY in this country without feeling out of place
without feeling like people around me are different than me
without feeling like my opinion diverges from everyone else’s so I’d better keep them to myself or else people will keep pushing their thoughts against me “everyone thinks X and you think Y, it’s obvious that YOU are wrong” (I HATE when they do that)
without feeling a conflict of cultures each time I try to cross the street or simply look around me
without realising that I’m so much more open-minded than other people that they wouldn’t get my point of view even if I tried to explain it, so (once again) I’d better stay quiet and keep my ideas to myself
without not getting jokes people make, or worse, feeling offended by them
without making a joke that no one understands - but it made sense to me, I swear!
without having people say to me “you are so naive!”
without having people look at me funny, or stare at me (and I have no idea why - or maybe I do: for me, I’m dressed normally, but for them, who knows?!)
without thinking “I don’t get these people”
without realising how my values are different from theirs
without feeling judged by their looks
without feeling a ‘wierdo’ because I don’t have a life like theirs, because I’m not buying an appartment and/or getting married (the “normal” thing for people my age here), or because I’m not going to nightclubs and getting drunk as much as I possibly can (also something “normal” here)
…
The list could go on forever - do you guys feel like that in your “home” country too?
I think I’m realising what that Hong-Kong TCK girl (see the ‘videos’ post) said in her video: You never stop feeling uncomfortable in your “home” country, you just learn to cope.
The only place where I feel 100% comfortable is in this site, where I “talk” with the people that think and feel like me.
I thought I could maybe one day feel this way here in Brazil, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe that’s what being a TCK is about.
It feels wierd because this is what I’ve been chasing my whole life: to “belong” here, and now I realise that it’s just not possible. Period.
So that’s it: maybe I should stop chasing. This could be my next goal in life, to stop trying to belong here. Sounds new and wierd but makes sense. Right?
Maira Bay de Souza
Born in Brazil, then moved to England, then back to Brazil, then to Wales, then Back to Brazil. Now planning on moving to Canada in 2009 (or maybe even 2008!). MSN: mairabay AT hotmail DOT com Skype: mairabayRelated Posts
4 Comments to “Maira’s blog - And then I decided to count.”
February 21st, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I say never seek to belong. You are who you are. Just make peace with the fact that people don’t really change much unwillingly, and you shouldn’t either.
Actually it’s a double-edged sword. Don’t expect other people to suddenly become international, just like they shouldn’t expect you to suddenly become whatever they are.
It IS irritating when people assume though. My Ethics teacher asked people in the class which Anglo-Saxon country they associated most with culturally, and he looked at me and SAID “US”, without actually asking. I had to tell him.
At that point, it’s not showing off internationalism. It’s just not wanting to be put in a box.
(Is this spam?)
February 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Good point, Onkel.
The more you need something, the more you push it away.
You don’t need to belong. It’s a preference. If you’re happy with who you are, you wouldn’t have this need. Self-acceptance comes first…
You can choose another preference. When you stop needing, you’ll feel happier. Because you have no need to belong. You relax and you’re fine either way.
“Belonging” in the end, is just a way to feel validated and not lonely. When you’re with other TCKs, it validates who you are and you’re less lonely.
Got more to say but I gotta go!
(Is this spam?)
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Mhmm, that makes sense. It’s not always easy to get rid of culture shock. I experienced culture shock both going into the UAE and into Canada. I’m not saying getting used to it would be easy, but it’s not impossible either.
To belong isn’t necessarily BEING LIKE THEM, but more like, just being content with who you are, and who you have around you.
Just be patient. See, you’re surviving Maira (:
PS: Long time no talk!
(Is this spam?)
March 13th, 2008 at 11:51 am
thanks for your replies everyone!
Yes, self-acceptance is very tied with this “belonging dilemma”
I still hear myself saying “but who am I anyway?”
(just random thoughts)
I agree that the answer is “stop trying to belong”. It’s hard because it’s an 18 year-old habit that I have to break. But yeah I guess this is a process, and I’m surviving
(Is this spam?)