It’s just easier for male TCKs to make adjustments to a more chauvinistic culture than females. There’s no need to even explain why this is the case.

I feel for both of you, Miyon & Red. I had many colleagues and childhood playmates who had to go back to their Asian home countries and it was hell for females frankly. The ones who had to go back to India for example bolted for the US the first chance they got. Lucky for most of my Korean female classmates, they all went to the US straight from high school and stayed there.

The things is you can’t get rid of your parents so you have to find a way to co-exist with them without going nuts yourself.

The only advice I can give you is to get a job that will put some distance between them and you so you have your own space. While you’re dependent on them – well, you’ll have to play by some of their rules because there isn’t much of a choice not to do so.

On another note, learning traditional Korean culture probably isn’t a bad thing. Whether you choose to adhere to these later on in life as an adult is your choice though! But it’s always good to know these things because some time in the distant future you might have to do business with a traditional Korean right? Then you’ll know how to behave to maximize the business relationship?

The expectations to be a perfect Korean will always be there when met with Koreans who after becoming adults immigrated to a foreign place and had not quiet kept themselves distant from the Korean ways. Koreans who live in a Korean community, always speaking the language and keeping their tradition, will be especially strong in their belief for other Koreans to behave like Korean, too regardless of their backgrounds.

Please don’t be discouraged by the way things seem. Don’t beat yourself up when you are troubled. Remember your intentions. Was it intentional that you got into trouble? Did you mean for them to get angry/frustrated? Most likely the answer to these questions is “no” and because of this, I don’t want you to feel too horrible about yourself.

Try talking with your parents how you feel about being expected to be very Korean. It takes time so don’t expect your parents to get it right away. Trust me, I am still in the process of having my parents understand. Like Dan said, you will have to treat each adult with respect. Frustrations and feeling of misunderstood may be there, so give yourself and your parents some time. When things are too stressful, try writing them down in your journal than confront directly with your parents.

I know this will be the hardest part, but try to keep peace with others even when things seem to be against you. There will be consequences for your choices of actions.

It is my sincere wish that things will go well with you, Red. I am sorry I cannot be there physically for you, but please do know that I am here to listen to you and discuss with you anytime.

I’m not really an expert on the niceties of Korean traditions and behavior, except that I know they’re very, very proud of being Korean and are pretty emphatic about their people keeping it. So walk carefully.

I also know that there’s no single, discernible solution. You won’t be able to fix it with one good talk. It takes time, and you’ll probably be hurt sometimes along the way, because Asian parents can be really stubborn about this.

Just never treat them without some respect. It’s difficult when you feel alien to them, but always bear in mind that they love you and want the best for you. They just might have different ideas with you on what it is that’s best for you.

I need your help! I am stuck in Indonesia in fact I haven’t lived anywhere else. I am 12 years old and i go to an International School and am in 7th grade. I have never lived in Korea, but my parents and the community here expect me to behave as though i know all of the Korean customs. I keep getting myself in trouble and giving my parents stress because I cannot behave as the “perfect” Korean daughter. I ask myself why I have gone to the international school for my whole life if i wasn’t supposed to become an international kid. I know I am in “adolescent years” with my parents and we have issues but now I think I am also having tck issues as well. How can I tell my parents that I am not and never will be a perfect Korean daughter?