Letting go
Hey guys.
After everything that’s happened to me over the last couple months and my impending departure from my current ‘home’, I’ve been thinking about me and relationships. I’ve noticed a pattern that whenever I’m leaving soon, or was never staying long, I always pulled back and in some cases like this time I cut off friendships totally without meaning to. I was wondering if anyone else had problems with this?
April 9th, 2008 at 6:41 am
It seems like a typlcal TCK way to cope with life.
It could be compared to someone who has had a traumatic event in life. That person sometimes blocks it out as a way of coping.
It’s easier to do that than to dwell on the sadness of leaving, too.
Of course, a reason for having so many “Aunts” and “Uncles.” We were close and parents knew we needed the support?
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April 9th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Speaking of leaving..and saying good-bye,
I think I have had that mentality of expecting the next family move. It seems weird now that I live away from my parents and more so an independent college student that that sort of “I-will-be-moving-soon mentality” is fading away. Now, the decision is on me to control where I want to live.
Also, I have the tendency to avoid anyone or any place that reminds me of the past unresolved relationships and problems. I just hope that one day, I can embrace the past face to face.
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April 10th, 2008 at 3:17 am
Im doing it right now. I know Im leaving my university friends in couple months ane then will be moving to the States to become an exchange student. Eventhough I will return in one year I have noticed, that I have already started the process of slowly emotionally cutting me off (or preparing myself emotionally) from the friends circle here.
There was for example a situation where I because of the huzzle didnt hear what my friends said. My first thought was “it doesnt matter because Im soon leaving anyway”. I was a bit shocked when I cought up myself thinking like that because it was the first time!
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April 10th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Let’s face it. There are lots of things our ‘friends’ say that we would rather not listen to but we bear with it just because they’re our friends. Complaints about their boyfriends or not having one, their weight, their hair, blabla - you name it, you’ve got it.
I guess when we know we are leaving already it’s quite natural to think: “It doesn’t matter because I’m soon leaving anyway.” So you tune out…
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April 15th, 2008 at 7:41 am
I honestly believe it is a defense mechanism, you start pulling back and saying your internal goodbyes long before you leave because it helps you to cope with final tug of leaving. It is devastating, in my experience everything take a completely different dimension, you have almost out of body experiences, you see people differently…sometimes things happen that never did before making it harder to leave, almost as if your friends knew you were leaving, there is an added warmth to friendships…maybe I am just projecting but that is the way I felt the last time a had to say goodbye to my friends in my teens.
At the same time you are already busy planning and thinking about your future in X country so it is normal and expected that other people take a second seat, since you cannot share with them anyway, either because it is too painful or because thay wouldn’t understand.
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