Les départs…leaving
I think I have just come to the realization that leaving is…well…hard, and that I don’t like it very much. I don’t think I have ever felt like this in over 10 years but it’s like all 10 years worth of emotions are flooding in.
I’ll explain the situation: I am currently still in France on exchange. It is the time when everyone (by everyone I mean all of my friends) are leaving…and that I am leaving. Some of my closest friends have already left and others are about to leave. I am leaving at the end of the month (I think). I have been dumped twice during the past year, the reason being: 1. That I am leaving at the end of the year and it’s no use to try and make the relationship work; or 2. She was leaving and it makes no sense to be in a relationship…
I have always tried to hide these feelings whenever I leave: I have always said to myself, it’s ok, it’s not the first time, “tu vas survivre.” As I was reading the TCK book (yes, I just found out about the entire TCK thing and I am still reading it). I have been hiding behind this veil of “being used to it” and I have never allowed myself to wallow too much in these feelings. This is the first time that I am writing this down. I might be just “ranting” here but I didn’t know where else to go (it’s about 5 am where my parents are so it’s kinda hard to talk to them).
I donno if this has anything to do with me just having turned 21 and realizing that I am now getting older, coupled with the fact that everyone is leaving, or if this is just the time tha my emotions started popping out in succession!!! I have just found out about the whole TCK idea (I didn’t know we had a name until about a month ago) and I am just now expressing my ideas in a much clearer way!!
=( I am just feeling down again…and I hate feeling down. I am usually such a happy person but now I am asking myself if that was just a “mask” that I wore to hide my feelings…
Hope you guys don’t judge me too much or whatever….
Oh, I just realized I didn’t need to write that. I’m sure you guys understand.
Thank God for this forum!!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Haha yeah, I tried the scrapbook thing when I was younger but I never finished it (or even realy started it)…now i just try to keep in contact throught hings like facebook
(Is this spam?)
June 5th, 2008 at 12:31 am
hmm…it just occurred to me that when I was in London it was the locals there who were overly concerned about spending any time at all with people who might leave. I made a few friends but the local Brits generally felt they were ‘wasting their time’ if they spent time with someone who wasn’t permanently living there.
Spending time with people was very calculated - like counting their money and it seemed like the prevalent attitude all around in London.
“If I spend time with this person will she help me make more money in some way by helping me get promoted or get a job or get a contract? Will I get something out of her?!”
I’m sure they have feelings too like the rest of humanity and this was the British way of saying I will feel bad when the person leaves, i.e. grumbling about how the person won’t help them make money to hide their hurt.
But I think the money part was real too. It wasn’t all about ‘feelings’.
Maybe some TCKs get too caught up in their feelings because we have had to part with people so much and have underdeveloped networking skills compared to non-TCKs….which is a pity since TCKs also deserve to benefit from networking.
Is this the difference between successful TCKs and those that aren’t? The successful TCKs probably used their networking advantages to the max whereas the other TCKs didn’t.
What do you think?
(Is this spam?)
June 5th, 2008 at 1:09 am
That’s an interesting thought, and I’ve had a somewhat similar experience here. The college I just graduated from is a business school, through and through. So most of the people going there at least have some inclination to get into work in business.
Some are more finely tuned to it than others. Some people love to meet people who appear to have direction and be going places, whereas others just like the idea that they might know people in any part of the world if they need somewhere to stay while traveling. THese are all, in each their own way, contacts.
I guess it is the difference between financially successful TCKs and TCKs less so. Some become entrepreneurs, and the opportunities of having been a TCK provide yet more and allow them to capitalize on it.
I think some of us just hate the idea of making friends for the purpose of calling up favors later. Of course, it’s never quite as bad as that, but people do keep it in mind even if you get along with them naturally.
(Is this spam?)
June 5th, 2008 at 1:18 am
I’ve got a folder full of random things I picked up or received and treasured, for the memory they brought.
I thought about what you said here about what can comfort you about leaving…
For me, I only really feel comfortable in certain places, most particularly my educational environments. The problem with that is that these are environments where the people I know all come and go, and so only the place is left. It loses part of the soul of why I loved it when the people go.
So with this in mind, leaving is almost always hard for me, because I know that I’ll never really be able to go back.
(Is this spam?)
June 5th, 2008 at 7:25 am
I won’t deny that having contacts is good. I mean, I know I will ask them for a favor sometime, somewhere, but I do help them out whenever I can, but it’s all done in good faith. I don’t expect anything in return and I just want to be good friends with them. And it comes to a point that if you do need help, they will be there for you.
The best example I can give is my best friend, who is a CCK/TCK himself. He is half French, half English and he has lived in England, France and Europe (if that can be counted as a REAL CCK or not, it depends on the definitino…since France and England are so close, but that’s beside the point).
When we were younger, we helped each other out: school stuff, outside of school, anything, and up until now. He knows that should he need help with anything, I’m there to help him out…and likewise for me! =)
Since I consider myself to be pretty outgoing and quite talkative…I make a lot of acquaintances and a lot of them end up being good friends!! =) My friends are intelligent and driven people, which I love =)
(Is this spam?)