Laura’s Blog #1?: There’s too many things I haven’t done yet.
*Title courtesy of Sara Bareilles’ song, Many the Miles*
So, I’m going to China on Saturday. Saturday. That’s, what…*counts* 5 days from now. I’m kind of excited at the chance that I’ll be learning such a cool language, which will be possibly useful someday, but frankly…I don’t know WHAT the heck I’m doing! I mean, I want to go, but it’s not just a visit or anything. I’ll be there for 5 months, and it’s kind of freaking me out. I can’t sleep, I’m getting tension headaches (don’t worry, I just took some ibuprofin for it) and I’m just so confused. I’ve been there before, but it’s still so different to me.
I’m also latching onto any guy who’ll talk to me, because that means that I’ll have something solid to hold onto. (And also Valentine’s Day is coming up, and it always makes me feel RIDICULOUSLY lonely, no thanks to a certain ex I had.) *Don’t worry guys, I won’t eat you! ha ha* I know, I know, that’s not too good for me. I need to have an even better foundation to stand on, that’s God.I’ll save all you non-religious people all of my faith jargon, but if you’re interested in what I’m struggling with, feel free to ask. 
I don’t normally “freak out” like this when I travel, I LOVE to travel! I get like this only for trips of longer periods of time. I did the same thing before I went on my “foreign exchange” in high school, where I spent a year back “home” in Finland. I’m also afraid that my friends will leave me, like they did back in high school. I know that this time is different. My friends back at my university had a send-off luncheon with me, so I know they’ll at least think of me. Maybe it’s just me, but I lost a lot of friends this way in high school, and I’d rather not have that happen again, ya know?
I guess this is just a TCK thing? I mean, I’m not your usual TCK, being a child of immigrants rather than moving around a lot, but it still comes with it’s own issues. I’m also one of those TCKs that doesn’t mind settling in one place, but I wouldn’t be opposed to travelling. Every few years I get the urge to “study abroad” like I did in high school, and this is my chance. 
I don’t know what to do. I’m just so anxious/excited/nervous/lonely all at the same time. Any pointers?
P.S: Don’t expect me to update this blog very often, but I may just update with random rants like I did now. XD Any clever ideas for a title?
Laura
Well, I was born in Finland in 1988, lived in Germany for a year (when I was 1 year old, so I don't remember...does that count?) and then when I was 2 I moved to the US. I've lived in Finland for a year for a "foreign exchange" though I lived with my uncle's family, and I've spent a semester in China learning Chinese. (My fourth language, after English-of course, Finnish, German-studied for 6 years) OH! And I'm also a big anime fan, and I love Japanese, Italian, Finnish, and Chinese food. :)Related Posts
4 Comments to “Laura’s Blog #1?: There’s too many things I haven’t done yet.”
February 11th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Woaaa that’s the same day my friend is going on mission in China. A day after my birthday!
If you’re lonely on vday, just remember:
He loves you but I’m his favorite
Do you know anyone in China?
(Is this spam?)
February 11th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
yeah, my dad, some family friends and now some forum members from here on tckid.com.
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February 11th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Hi USAFinn,
Sorry to hear about the nervousness; it’s perfectly understandable, esp. with your fears from before. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone, I mean, we’re here for you
I understand about the guy-think and v-day too
it can be a tough time to go through. If I come up with n/e great ideas I’ll let you know, but until then know that someone understands and isn’t too excited about v-day either.
But I read an article about a lady who lost her husband on 9-11 and she dreaded valentines’ day until she realised on a trip one year that she was missing the point of the day–it’s about giving love to the people you appreciate in your life, and most of us have someone, like family, who could do with some cheer and some appreciation. So maybe you can turn it around, and instead of thinking about what you’re missing, take a look at anyone around you who is missing something, and add some love to their lives. I guarantee you’ll both benefit.
Anyway, I should take my own lovely advice
But hey, I wish I was going to China!! I’ve been there once, for about the same length of time and I really want to go back. So will you post more blogs and share some of your experiences? I’d love to hear about them.
Feel free to write me anytime at wildblue_rose@hotmail.com. I know the feeling of leaving and being nervous about it. One thing I’ve learned recently is that the things we fear are never as bad as we think they will be.
Actually, all the anticipating we do is worse than the actual circumstances, so maybe try writing out exactly what you’re afraid of, and then ask if your worst fear might come true, and if it is possible, then come up with a plan of action for what you will do if it does happen. If it seems a little far-fetched, like all your friends will suddenly forget you existed, (although it may seem like they have, it’s not likely–just make sure you try to keep in contact with them and they’ll remember to think outside of their daily lives and stay in touch with you, but it’s not natural to a lot of people, so don’t take it personally).
I found that when I sent out a group e-mail I would get a lot of responses, esp. if I told people I was lonely
so maybe you could do that, and just remind people you’d like to keep in touch with them.
Anyway, take care, hang in there, and once you’ve made your list of what it is that’s bothering you, put it down and ENJOY YOUR TIME!! don’t spend another minute worrying, because you’ve already faced your fears and came up with a plan, so you can just relax!!
Anyway, for what it’s worth
~ LndnRs
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February 14th, 2008 at 7:43 am
“once you’ve made your list of what it is that’s bothering you, put it down and ENJOY YOUR TIME!! don’t spend another minute worrying, because you’ve already faced your fears and came up with a plan, so you can just relax!!”
I LOVED your idea of a list! Makes a lot of sense! Thanks for sharing it!
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