Is being alone such a bad thing?
As I have recently discovered that I am a TCK, the research has shown that TCK’s are very independent, and at times, I can be a sort of extreme of that.
I was an only child, and did not have many friends. So I often made up things for me to do by myself. I’d make up storylines that my Barbies would act out, I would pretend I was Sailor Moon and defeat the forces of evil, etc. I guess that’s why I’m so creative. *shrug*
But my point is, at times I just can’t STAND people. They drive me crazy! Sometimes, it’s the ridiculous coasties (those from the east or west coast of the US, that attend my school in leggings, ugg boots and ridiculously large hand bags) that float around my campus, or really cute guys that would never give me the time of day, or even just the sheer presence of others just makes me feel claustrophobic. So at least once a day (often times more), I just need some time to be alone to just read, or watch a movie/tv, etc. or else I will lose my mind. This became VERY evident when I worked at a summer camp this summer. We were just going non-stop and I literally HAD to use my time off every day to be by myself, or else I would explode on the wee ickle kids.
Is this so strange? That I just can’t deal with being around people so much? But yet, at times I get extremely lonely, especially late at night. Is this the curse of being a Third Culture Kid? Is this what I get for not belonging in neither my adopted country nor my home country? That since I don’t belong in either of the two, I’ll just be by myself, where no one can bother me…
So if you see me in the cafeteria with a book under my arm, sorry. That means that I don’t want to eat with you.
December 5th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
I do not think being alone is a bad thing, in fact I am like you I like a LOT of alone time. I don’t get sick of people though, I actually like being around them but I do need my alone time.
And yes I feel lonely too when I am “too” alone. It’s an odd feeling. I can’t even explain it myself.
I know this didn’t answer your question but just want to let you know that you are not alone - and I have to say I also thought maybe it’s the whole TCK thing that’s made me this way.
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December 5th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Laura, I think introverts get a bad wrap. If you don’t socialize, you’re labeled as a weirdo.
There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert!!
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December 5th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I know exactly what you mean. I need loads of alone time and I’m having a really rough time right now with my roommate. She actually lives in our room 22 hours a day, 7 days a week. I’m not exaggerating. She only leaves the room for 1 or 2 hours a day for class and then spends the rest of the day in our room, not even leaving for meals. It drives me crazy, and after 4 months of it, I’m sick of being around her lol. So now I spend most of my day in the library. For the last week I leave the room early, go to class, study in the library, hang out with people, etc, and don’t return to the room until she’s asleep lol. She probably thinks I’m being anti-social now, I don’t know, but I’m just sick of seeing her so often. I get no privacy or personal space while I’m here, so that’s one of the main reasons I can’t wait to visit my parents. Sorry to turn this into a rant lol but my roommate drives me nuts.
There’s plenty of things about her that bug me, but I can usually get past them, if only she wasn’t in the room all day. Then I start to resent her and seriously dislike her and all her bad habits like leaving the windows wide open and leaving an electric fan going when it’s -12C outside just drive me mad.
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December 5th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Charm, she leaves the window open when it’s -12C? Can’t you reason with her? That sounds insane.
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December 6th, 2007 at 2:33 am
My roommate is like that too. The thing is that he’s not very social. Every now and then friends drop by for a little while, but otherwise he sleeps, eats, watches movies on his laptop, and wakes up for 4am calls from Colombia (his girlfriend is still there).
Anyway…
I relate in a sense in that I’m very used to being alone and can handle my interest. I’m not easily bored in that case, but I honestly really do like being around people. I’m just terrible at keeping it up, at showing “Yes, we’re friends.” People I hang out with pretty often don’t consider me in their circle sometimes, possibly because I always give that impression of distance. On the other hand, sometimes I’ve thought that and been proven wrong.
I think just my idea of what makes a friend is different from most people. For some people, just being there is enough. For others, it’s sitting through the night while they bitch about something. For some, it’s being there to share the drinks tab at a pub. But for me, friends come from meeting, from shared experience, and understanding. The last part is the hard bit, and I don’t think I ever “made” friends. It just happened, most of the time.
The truth is that I’m a bit of the opposite. I’m a person who’s used to being alone, and who most people leave alone because I don’t seem to need anyone… but now and then really want social contact. I just don’t get it sometimes, and it’s very frustrating because I can think of why, and there’s just no quick way around it.
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December 6th, 2007 at 6:47 am
I can definitely relate. I can be aloof and elitist, then lonely at night. It happens everyday. I also, have a rich inner life.
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December 6th, 2007 at 11:17 am
I can relate, too. I’ve always needed a lot of alone time, and that can conflict with my desire to have closer friends.
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December 6th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
That is exactly what I feel sometimes. I would describe myself as an extroverted Introvert. I am an introvert I love to be alone and have no problem not seeing anyone for days but when I am around people I tend to act like an extrovert for hte short time they see me then I just get so tired of people that I go crawl into my room and read for the rest of the day. Once on a trip to BC with my class from Saskatchwan we were busy all the time and then we spent a day at Missions Fest in Vancouver and all my friends thought I was wierd becasue I didn’t walk around with anyone I just looked around by myslef for a while and then went and found a quiter spot in the hall and sat by myself for the rest of the afternoon. I was just so tired of having to talk to people all the time. it works alright for me as long as I have time in the day to just be by myself. I think that is also why I tend to stay up so late becasue after everyone is in bed I get some alone time to recharge for the next day.
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December 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
don’t know if it is a tck thing, but i definitely like my alone time.
i am an out and out full on extrovert, but i have to have my time to myself. i lived on my own (no roomate, no boyfriend) for the first time a few years ago, i didn’t think i’d like it, i thought it would be TOO MUCH alone time. it was amazing. i mean, it was THE BEST! and i am so glad i did it since i will probably never get that again seeing as currently i live with the man i plan to marry.
i love people though, hanging out, talking or just watching them, i love that. but now and then, i just need to be alone. i LOVE going to the movies by myself. and when i say by myself, i mean it. i often plan a trip to the cinema on a tuesday at 10 a.m. basically when i know the place will be deserted, and watch the flick on my ace. NO one else in the theatre. i fucking LOVE that! after college i went on tour for 9 months with an acting group. imagine, 9 months, living, sleeping, eating, working, pooping, EVERYTING together! in the beginning we’d even spend days off together since out days off would usually be in random towns where we didnt know anyone, one day we walked into a restaurant and asked for a table for 13 and i had enough i was like ‘do we HAVE to ALL sit together???!!!’ after than we’d break up into smaller groups, i went to the movies alone a lot on days off…
my bf just went to the states for some gigs (he’s a musician) and there was a time there we thought he’d be there over christmas and new years and i had decided i was gonna spend christmas alone, something i have a done a few times before and can be really cool and medatative. he freaked at the idea of me being alone for christmas. i explained and explained, he left me alone, but i don’t think he really ever got it. anyway, turns out he’ll be here. which i am extatic about since its our first christmas together.
but maybe next year i’ll get my lonely christmas…
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December 6th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Hey, I see lots of people have already written what I was going to write… it’s ok to be an introvert, I am too…
My freshman year of college, I would get so depressed on Friday nights because I was always in my room, alone, and I would start thinking about what a loser I was… then I started to realize that I did get invited to hang out and stuff on Friday nights, but I always turned it down, b/c after a week of constantly being with people, Friday nights were my time alone in my room, in my dorm. Now I look forward to Friday nights alone. I love being alone, it’s just so much more relaxing. you’re not alone!
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