Inside Panda’s Head: Repatriation?
The more I think about it the more it made sense to me…
I may have “repatriated” without realizing it. Even though China is not Taiwan but the cultural foundation is still the same. Here in China all I am is “Chinese” regardless of whether I am holding a Taiwanese passport - it didn’t matter. Everyone expect me to be Chinese because 1) I can speak fluent Chinese and 2) I am a Taiwanese (and I will just leave this at that).
I am treated as a Chinese. But that is the problem, I don’t feel any more Chinese than these people here feel American. However, I am also a Taiwanese who holds an American college degree and grew up in Southeast Asia. There is a line of confusion: those that know my background are not sure how to treat me; those that don’t know immediately take me as Chinese but I am not sure how to react to that.
Now, what do I do?
Cynthia Yang
Born in Taiwan and grew up in Indonesia, Thailand and China. Went to the US for college and have been working between Shanghai and Connecticut ever since. Fluent in Mandarin and English and can understand basic conversation of Thai.Related Posts
7 Comments to “Inside Panda’s Head: Repatriation?”
March 4th, 2008 at 5:41 am
Mmmm, and the Taiwan-China thing is politically iffy too…
Taiwanese are quite often treated as Chinese, outside and (I think) inside of China. At least, in my experience.
If I were you, I’d try to establish a space for yourself, in that one doesn’t have to necessarily be just One or the Other. Sometimes it’s an advantage, and you can bring something exotic to their lives.
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March 4th, 2008 at 9:20 am
That’s not an easy situation to be in Cynthia :s
You can kind of do the things you don’t mind or enjoy doing with your Chinese friends, taking advantage of the fact that you do speak Mandarin fluently. There are lots of interesting experiences you can have that people who can’t speak Mandarin can’t have!
I don’t know how obnoxious the expats are in your area but judging from the way they were behaving in Tokyo - I won’t even suggest you trying to make friends with them. Of course not all of them will be idiots so if you do come across a nice person - by all means strike up a friendship to do other things than you do with your Chinese friends.
Try to get out of China to Europe or the US once a year for 2 weeks at least or visit your rich friends in the south east Asian country you used to live in This will be immensely refreshing and will make it easier for you to bear through the rest of the year and enjoy all that China has to offer you too. Hey, after all they have great food there…and tea
In the 20 years that I lived in Japan I made very few friends who are still my friends to this date, but I had some real fun going out with one of them. She was a successful commercial artist so she felt being different was a positive thing in people
We came from very different backgrounds and she was 15 years older than me but she is still my best friend in Japan. She also took me on some interesting trips with her other friends to downtown areas of Osaka (where she came from lol) - she wanted to show us middle class wussies her rough & tough neighborhood. Also used her contacts to take us to a Geisha house where we could see what really happened inside! She also did the illustrations for 4 books I published for Comiket (the biggest comic market in the world I think).
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March 4th, 2008 at 9:38 am
And yes - that’s the same as repatriation with the added complication of the ‘Taiwan’ factor.
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March 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Well many times I have came across people outside of China who would double check with me to make sure I say I am “Taiwanese” instead of “Chinese” because well…to them there is a difference. But in China…don’t even need to explain…
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March 4th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Interesting…indeed…but for one I know I am being treated differently, especially at work. I think the fact that I am Taiwanese but also can speak English REALLY well (I can totally understand my boss who is an American whereas my co-workers who are all Chinese locals have a hard time with the “culture shock”) makes things a lot more complicated. I try to be friendly with them but I guess there’s always this “line” in between us. The fact that they learned about my background, I don’t know if that creates this invisible boundary. Maybe we need to try harder.
I am aware of the obnoxious expats and I know there are a bunch of them in Shanghai but being who I am I am not friends with anyone that thinks they are superior. In fact most of my expat friends are Hong Kong and Taiwan “descendants” of citizens of another country haha
Actually I have been doing what you have suggested except the only difference is I’ve done that the other way around. I do go back to the US once a year and I have visited Thailand just last month but I didn’t have this “repatriation revelation” until early this week haha. And now that I do, it all makes sense…and this whole time I’ve been telling people “I don’t know what repatriation is.” hahahaha
This really made me feel a lot better…maybe Shanghai won’t be so bad to live in after all….
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March 5th, 2008 at 1:51 am
Your situation sounds very similar to a Japanese who’s repatriating - especially if that Japanese person speaks English ‘too well’. They even have words for people like that in slang: ‘hen-Japa’ (weird Japanese) versus ‘jun-Japa’ (pure Japanese).
You’re looked at with a mixture of envy and hate - because ‘English’ is a school subject in Japan like math, science and history - and excelling in it makes you someone to envy. And then some hate you for it.
What you’ve said about your American boss sounds familiar too. And because you can understand them you’re considered to be ‘impure’ or a ‘mutant’ by the rest, etc.
I’m glad you’ve been getting out once year. I didn’t get out for about 10 years once and I thought I was going crazy!
After I started going on regular trips I felt better…
I always thought you were more sensible than me and it just goes to show I was right lol
You were doing what you could to cope with the situation already - and doing it pretty damn well!
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March 5th, 2008 at 5:01 am
Thanks Ayako, that comment really means a lot. After many emotional breakdowns, confusions and tissues (even one gigantic unresolved misunderstanding with my mom - still hurts when I think about it), I think I am slowly making progress in as you put it “be sensible”.
Actually I made my first trip out of China 5 months after I returned just to visit my boyfriend and get more “training” at our parent company in the East coast. But after that it all went downhill. Then in May of last year I told my mom that I am going to go on a trip - to Korea by myself, for the first time to a never-before-been country. My original plan was to visit the US once a year but after 5-6 months of idleness I just couldn’t stand it any more. I was so sick and tired of this place. My mom encouraged me…told me I should get out and see a different world - I wasn’t doing too well then.
It did help. I guess also the fact that I was “itching” to go somewhere. But it didn’t cure the problem which end up creating that huge “dent” in my life that month.
I am recovering but I am still struggling at the same time.
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