Insecurities and confidence
I do not remember seeing a thread like this but if there was please excuse me for repeating it.
Insecurites and confidence, so, sensitive subjects. I am sure as regular independent human beings we do not like to find out we are insecure because it makes us appear weak and dependent no? At least in my experience.
I have a somewhat almost sickening independence and stubborness. I do not like it when people point out my weakness especially after it took me a while to build up that confidence that if someone points out something about me that I am sensitive about I get very defensive and will hate that person for a long time LOL Ok maybe not that bad but it has come to a point where I feel they are just too much for me to handle.
As a teenager I think I was quite insecure but didn’t realize it until later. I recalled my memories and now thinking back I just find it quite funny how I had acted and reacted.
I remembered once in high school I had a conversation with my mom about my cousins. Now before I go on I’d like to clarify to you my psychological state during that time. I was indeed an insecure teen. I was shy and nervous when talking to people (especially the male gender) and don’t like to be in the middle of the attention. I like to do my own thing and rather not be involved in other stuff. However, this did not keep me from wanting to be popular, yet I couldn’t get myself to be more “outgoing”. I always felt second to everyone even though my grades were good and I was complimented and praised a lot. That didn’t help me crawl out of my shell. I was a conflicting teen. I wanted to be in the spotlight and yet I couldn’t get myself to do it and I get jealous if other people tend to “do better” than me.
Now this conversation I had with my mom. After you read it you’d think that was kinda stupid and I don’t blame you for that, I think about it now and I realized it was pretty stupid LOL But hey we all went through a phase right? So we were talking about my cousins and how much they have grown up (I’ve always had the impression that they were a lot younger LOL But in actuality they’re 2 and 3 years younger than me) and my mom was telling me they’ve grown really tall and mature and all. Both my aunt and uncle are tall people so it wasn’t suprising that my cousins who were once shorter than me have caught up and gone past me (I’m 5′2″ btw). And that’s when I broke down. I guess I had a bad week before that or something but whatever it is it broke something in me. And my mom was surprised (and so did I) to find that I got upset because my cousins have grown taller! I broke down so badly that our driver was shocked and was like “Is everything ok??” Haha…
Realizing this my mom actually went an consulting physicians what I can take to help grow taller LOL And she bought some sort of calcium tablets for me to take over a fixed period of time, and of course it didn’t help LOL Now I think back I just laugh at that episode of my life, it’s embarrassing too XD
I guess I’ve always held myself in a pretty high pedestal in my head and that was the only way for me to have any confidence. And anything small can shatter that.
I don’t know if this comes with being a TCK but I really was one of the most insecure kid you’d ever meet but I never show it or acknowledge it and actually believed that I was ok until I went to college and realized I really wasn’t what I thought I was.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:33 am
I can identify with the situation you describe— I’m fiercely independent and seemingly very confident, but can also feel insecure at times. Just like you, I was a shy teenager with very good grades and that received praise often, and yet I was realy shy with my peers.
I’m now 21 and I’ve come to terms with my personality, mostly because I’m now easier on myself because I understand my life situation better. Before knowing what a TCK was, I just felt like an awkward alien person…Knowing that there are a lot of people who’ve grown up in similar situations and who feel the same isolation has helped me accept who I am and look at the positive side of things.
Today, I oscillate from holding myself in a pedestal, like you said, to feeling completely alone and left out. I know that I’m more and that I’ve seen more than local kids I meet and that this is a good thing, but sometimes I secretly wish that I could just be well-integrated like everyone else.
Sometimes people tell me that they envy me because I’ve traveled, learned languages and am so “independent” (I’m really not–I suffer more than the average person everytime I lose people to moves and such) and have SO many friends (yeah–on Facebook and 90% of them are in other continents). I just nod and smile, but inside, I know I envy them because they have all their friends in one place whereas I can get so lonely that I want to scream…and I hate feeling this, but I just have to admit it to myself.
I think it’s normal to get pissed off when people point out your weaknesses…I’m surprised at how easily people will say hurtful things knowing that they are sensitive subjects to a person…No matter how mad I get at people, there are certain things I just won’t say. But, having said that, I also think it’s a good thing to think about why certain comments bother you and see if there isn’t by chance some truth in it.
Anyway, now I’m rambling…good luck.
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I know that I’m more mature…not more. That would be really mean.
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
sigh… insecurity… I don’t even noe wt’s the point of feeling insecure anymore, because the truth is every1 is a bit insecure inside, and the truth is every1 does stupid things, make crazy mistakes, what’s the point of criticizing others about it if we are all like that? SO I just don’t feel these things anymore because in this world all of these feelings are so futile and reli…hypocritical almost. Everyone wants to be a social climber, everyone wants to get on top, everyone wants to be popular. It’s true, there’s nothing loserish or wrong about it because even if there is…everyone is in it together so really, who cares? Why feel insecure about it?
I was more like the kid who want to go full out crazy but doesn’t want to face any of the consequence or drama that comes out of it. I try so hard to control myself from going overboard except it always backfire at me because i would have a sudden breakdown when all my devilish side jumps out and scare the hell out of everyone. so yah this whole insecurity, social climbing stuff is always going to be wrong no matter what you do.
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am
“I’m surprised at how easily people will say hurtful things knowing that they are sensitive subjects to a person” < —Yes, and then should someone get angry or hurt the person who said this, will try to turn the tables around and blame it on the receiving end. Not only that - others will often join in and say “You shouldn’t take things so personally” or “You’re too sensitive” or blabla.
Frankly, I’m not interested in any excuses other people make for people who go around saying ‘hurtful’ things to others and then try to make them feel even worse by saying they also reacted in the wrong way.
So what kind of a world do we live in?
A world where the guy who goes around picking fights with other people or throwing around verbal abuse is always right and supported by society in every way?
Sometimes I think people are just hopeless. :p
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:39 am
By the way Cynthia - you should be proud of yourself. You have done a great job pulling through all kinds of difficult situations!
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Strongly agree with Ayako. Even my guidance counsellor and headmaster do that to me-_-. It’s like…”I step on your foot,OMG YOU ARE SO STUPID WHY DIDNT you DODGE?”
believe it or not my mom says that to me all the time.
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Big lolcat hugs and kudos to you Panda, for your candor and transparency. This is my favorite post here today, I’m giving it 5 stars!
I’d like to share this website to anyone who experienced the following:
*
A denial of true feelings.
*
A denial of the person we are.
*
Trying hard to live up to others’ expectations.
*
Holding back our child-like responses, while we provide adult like responses to stress.
*
The fear of being “found out” about how we really feel.
*
Insecurity in the midst of chaos, confusion, or the vacuum of repressed feelings.
*
A sense of obligation to always “look good” and “be good.”
*
Inexperience at being loved for “who you are” rather than for “what you do.”
*
Not being given the role model of how to “enjoy” life and to have “fun.”
*
Always having to be “serious” about life.
*
A lack of encouragement to broaden our scope of vision about the “potentials” in life.
*
The stress of staying vigilantly in the “here and now” so that we stay in control and the “walls didn’t come tumbling down” around us.
*
Never being given or taking the freedom to “play” and act “childish.”
*
Not being given role models of how to take pleasure out of the “little” things in life.
*
A compulsive drive to fulfill our “role” in our family.
*
Not recognizing that we can make “choices” in our lives to make it what we want it to be.
*
Continuing even now to follow our “compulsive” role(s) rather than choosing to change and be free from the restraints this compulsion creates for us.
*
Silencing our “inner child” and guarding ourselves, retreating behind “masked” barriers.
*
Feeling that it is not safe to grow up, to accept love, or to share feelings.
*
Learning to spend some time each day in pleasure and play.
http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/inner.htm
(Is this spam?)
July 24th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Wow thanks so much guys! I really appreciate the comments. You have no idea how much it means to me. With comments like these:
“By the way Cynthia - you should be proud of yourself. You have done a great job pulling through all kinds of difficult situations! ”
“Big lolcat hugs and kudos to you Panda, for your candor and transparency. This is my favorite post here today, I’m giving it 5 stars!”
make me really proud of myself. Like really really really proud. I keep reading my post to see where it is that deserves that type of comments
(The self-conceitedness has kicked in yet again XD)
And yet as much as that was said, I still don’t feel that great (well for like 30 mins I felt REALLY good haha). I am still doubtful. I get a lot of praises and such and yet I question myself, am I really that good? Or are people just being nice?
*sigh* That’s probably going to be my next self-battle…
(Is this spam?)
July 25th, 2008 at 2:33 am
Yeah, I’ve had these kinds of feelings before. I usually have a stubborn reliance on myself, and tend to do everything myself as well. XD It’s come to the point where I actually am trying to apply for university myself as well, and I’ve contemplated moving out of the house, etc etc without even consulting my parents, even though I am trying really really hard to! It’s weird though because I learnt to keep all my emotions inside, and I never consulted anyone about them, and pretty much didn’t talk to my parents. Now that I’ve got life changing decisions, etc, I don’t know how to talk to my parents. =/ I think to me, actually consulting anybody would be a weakness after keeping everything bottled up inside.
(Is this spam?)
August 21st, 2008 at 9:55 am
Lol I love this post. It’s great! Insecurity and confidence is definitely an important thing to address, and it is best done through humor. I think that everyone has had a moment like this (or I’d like to believe so because I’ve had many lol). Thank you so much for sharing!
(Is this spam?)