In College. Going Crazy.
Alright so this is your typical TCK rant…
Haven’t been here in awhile, mostly because I was going through a transition phase. Moved from Mozambique to the US, currently going to Temple University. Pondered over the summer whether I would actually like it in America… I mean I am a US citizen… was born in this country but never lived here. I’d be more convincing as a Thai than I would as an American if it wasn’t for the color of my skin…
Anyways. I’ve noticed so much since I’ve been here that I dislike… I know that the US is on the top of most TCK’s “most-wanted” list but I really thought I could grow to like it. People are more narrow-minded that I thought they would be. For example I’m a very curious, and I love learning… I’m the type of person that will shell out random facts just because I find the shock on peoples faces entertaining. When I ask questions about something I don’t understand… like a joke someone would make about an African-American stereotype that I’ve never heard of or use slang that has never hit the surface of any conversation I’ve ever had… they act as if I’m ignorant for not knowing such things. Which is ridiculous if you ask me because if we were to take a Portuguese language class or go to an African Literature lecture (in English) I’d most definitely understand 100% more than you. The irony… [sigh]….
I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me where I’m from and I’ve gotten the “Where in the states is that?” response…. I’m Eritrean by the way.
Then there is the whole issue of conversations being centered on things like ways to acquire liqour, where to become highly intoxicated so that we end up in the hospital, where to hide it, where to party afterwards…
It’s just repetition that is driving me insane. The only part of my week that I savour is in my classes… namely “World Regions and Cultures,” I was born for that class. Everyone discussed Culture Shock as if it was a phenomenon… I talked about it as if it was normal.
In contrast to all the things that irritate me about living here, I have to admit I’ve made a few good friends and I’ve seen some pretty amazing things (Philadelphis had quite the history). Enough to make me not want to leave here I think.
Just goes to show, with a little good comes a little bad… I can honestly say that, that is the most important thing I’ve learned by being a TCK.
Born in Vermont, U.S.A to immigrant parents from Eritrea. Lived in US until I was three. Then moved to Sri Lanka for 3 years. Pakistan for 4. Thailand for 5. Mozambique for 2. Currently in the US going into my freshman year of college.
Related Posts
8 Comments to “In College. Going Crazy.”
October 15th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Hi Selam
I think going back to our “home” countries is indeed one of the most important experiences of our lives.
And I am glad you are finding some good things in it.
I understand your disappointment with your “home” country. I think we expect too much from them (or at least I know I do).
The people are not like us, they have not lived the same life we have, so they really are narrow-minded. But because it’s “our” country, we still tend to expect them to be like us (at least that’s the explanation I found for me).
I also know how it feels about not getting jokes (I’m telling you, I’m an expert in “home” country issues!) and being condemned for that. Many times I have laughed having no idea what they meant, just to not go through the “I can’t believe you didn’t get it” thing.
Other than that I really don’t know what to do. I think the best is to rest assure of our intelligence and identity, knowing that they’d also feel lost in situations where we are comfortable.
I totally relate to your rant on their conversations.
One of the most common lines I used to get from guys that wanted to impress me, was the story of the day they drank too much and went to the hospital. Yuck!!!!
I suggest you look for some people who might be a little more open minded (for instance in that ‘World Regions and Cultures’ class of yours) and hang out more with them.
I must admit I had never heard of Eritrea before (sorry
). But I looked it up in Wikipedia and it seems a very interesting (but troubled) country.
You say you “are” Eritrean, but from your profile, you have never lived there. Do you feel very connected to it because of your parents? Have you ever been there for vacation or something? How do you feel when you go there?
It’s ok if you don’t want to answer my questions, I’m just curious.
Have a nice end of week!
(Is this spam?)
October 15th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
well, i can totally relate. this is exactly the sort of thing I experienced(and still am experiencing) in college at the moment. I find little or no interest in the things that others find interesting(alcahol, parties, who’s with who, the latest TV show, etc.) and things that i find interesting (current events, being outside playing games, discussing social issues, etc) people sort of turn off(mostly). I am an American citizen, and i totally don’t get allot of stuff here.
Anyway, it is rather difficult to sort though a college community, so i think clubs are a good way of doing it. people who have common interests(like those who are doing your major(ex. history club)) or activities(like i play cricket). So that is a way of trying to find people you will enjoy being with. or there must be an international club- those are fun. I have met most all of my friends though such activities.
But i still really don’t feel as though i belong. but i suppose I won’t and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
So yeah. i am still not quite where i want to be socially, but it has been 2 years and i feel as though i am getting closer to it, but it takes time. In my case especially, allot more than I thought.
(Is this spam?)
October 16th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Salem,
I live in the US, attending college too. I can relate to the think typical topics of discuss (like Scott mentioned) e.g. drinking, partying, sports, TV shows, etc. Sometimes I am caught in this conversation in a group setting which goes on for an hour or more! Then they talk about their childhood TV commercials and what was popular back then. hehe. I think the only motivation I have for staying in the setting is to understand where they are coming from and to learn their interest and experience. But then this is not always easy because I would look stupid, barely speaking and can’t respond them from the core when they all get excited with “the moments,” “the thing.”
“Which is ridiculous if you ask me because if we were to take a Portuguese language class or go to an African Literature lecture (in English) I’d most definitely understand 100% more than you. The irony… [sigh]….”
-> haha. I know what you mean. Ask me questions about the difference between East Asian languages and my opinions on their cultural difference. I will most certainly give you my 100 plus motivated answer with a smile.
(Is this spam?)
October 16th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hiya Selam,
Hang in there!!!
I must say being a TCK in American is especially difficult when you are a person of color, especially when you are “black” because I think it’s “the american way” to make assumptions about people based on their percieved ethnicity.
The other day a coworker cam into my office and started meaking small talk about hip-hop. He made the assumption that becasue I was “African American” (I’m West Indian, btw) that I must listen to hip hop. I wanted to tell him, btw I don’t listen to hip-hop but if you want to talk about the Indian pop scene then maybe we can talk. But he’s a known A-hole so I just tried to brush him off and reminded my self that some Americans are narrow minded idiots.
Even though it gets under my skin, I’ve learned to pick my battles and try to surround myself with people who a worldly minded. In college I hung out with the international students and now at work I tend to socialize mainly with the international employees.
When it really gets to me that they look at me like I’m stupid I usually come back with “Well in XYZ….” Out of that you can either point out how ignorant and insular they really are or you can find that the person will want to know more about XYZ and why you were there.
I’ve totally experience the liquior thing. It’s seems to be an American right of passage. To understand it, I try to compare it with the excitement of getting something through customs that I know I should declare or moving to the window seat even though know I’m assigned to the aisle and hoping that no one comes to claim it before take off.
When people used to ask why I didn’t get excited about alcohol, I just explained to them that I’m an expert international partier, I was drinking alcohol and out clubbing in Spain when I was 15 years old, I should be on my way to retirement.
It’s def tough but I think finding good friends and studing subjects that you like make it much easier.
I think that its very suprising that US is at the top of the TCK “most wanted list”. I think the US is the hardest place for TCKs mainly because of America’s OBSESSIVE COMPULSION with being able to place people in neat little boxes.
(Is this spam?)
October 17th, 2008 at 2:59 am
OH MY GOD! MY FIRST UNI WAS TEMPLE!
Yeah, okay, it’s not the bestest, but I transferred because I realised what I wanted to do with my life and they didn’t have the major for it (International Relations). But Temple was the most diverse place you could’ve picked–the people may all tend to have similar backgrounds (Indian, black, or white), but it’s probably the closest thing to an international community in Philly or Pennsylvania.
Out of curiosity, what’s your major? And is the SAC food as bad as I remember it?
(Is this spam?)
October 22nd, 2008 at 6:13 am
Me. Too.
But I’ve been in this country for 7 yrs now, so wayyyyy too much. And I think that when coming to the US people always have super way high expectations (I know I did) so of course you get let down when you’re actually here.
There will be idiots anywhere, so just try to ignore them haha.
(Is this spam?)
October 29th, 2008 at 8:52 am
I gave up on college. People are stupid, and that’s where you find them. Better off at tech schools, or just getting a job.
Oddly enough, the “foreign” girls I’ve encountered while in colleges, has shocked me even more. It’s like everyone is just “lost” and trying to find a “way”.
I even remember once that some girl from I think Columbia or somewhere (can’t remember), was dating some schmuck she met in NYC over the summer who went to the same school. About a semester in, things went bad and when her parents showed up, of course, I was the friend who was mistaken for the boyfriend simply because I spoke Spanish fluently, and helped the family tour campus/city. (which he did neither of)
She went on to make bad decision after another, and her BF couldn’t understand what she was going through. Finally one day, I confronted him about culture shock, and that his relationship was not happening. Fist fight ensued, and by the next day, I was right.
Even during their relationship she practically was going out with me, but I didn’t get the benefits of the “boyfriend”, if you know what I mean…
..in the end, one less [moderated by Caitlin, due to inappropriate language] to worry about.
Everyone has a hard time in college.
(Is this spam?)
November 6th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
I’m really sorry for the late reply. I have phases where I just disappear for awhile immersed in school work, and don’t hit the surface for a few weeks or so.
mairabay. I’m glad you asked those questions
I feel connected to my roots because of my parents yes, but not as much as for example my cousins. They grew up in Eritrean communities in the states, so even thought they were outside of our home country they are much more connected to it because of the people they are surrounded by. In contrast, I have a connection with the culture, people and language. But then again… I speak better Thai than I do Tigrinya. Yes I’ve been there for summer vacations, not as often as I would like though. In the beginning when I go there I always feel disconnected, because of the slight language barrier. But I’m a perfectionist at blending in and adapting.. I had to dress differently than usual. Cover up more for example, not speak my mind 24/7… etc. But it came to be easier than my brother, I ended up making quite a few good friends.
Scott. Yea I understand what you mean, I’ve become involved in three intramural sports and other clubs to meet new people. So it isn’t bad, I just wish I could meet more international students. I just don’t want to go to their meetings cause I feel like I’d be looked at as an American, and not “international”
Miyon. LOL, I loved the last thing you said! I can tell the differences between Japanese, Thai, Chinese and Korean and most people are dumbfounded by that… I guess I don’t look like I would know such things.
aradhana. LOL I can definitely relate. People ask me why I don’t feel like partying, or going out and getting drunk. I started club-hopping when I was 14 in Bangkok, and I was quite the rebel. So now all of that is a bit dull for me. Unless we’re going to a salsa or reggae party I’m rarely interested. Yes and that’s true as well, Americans are very much obssessed with placing people in categories.
Caitlin. You went to Temple! That’s crazy… well my major is Public Health. Not uncommon for a TCK I’ve heard, lol and no the SAC food is alright. The asian food section sucks, dry and unflavored. The wraps and soul food isn’t half bad though… but then again I have nothing to compare it to.
Mayling. Lol, that is very true.
Os. Your right in a way… that last part. But I don’t give up, not apart of my vocabulary. College is for some people, and not for others I guess. About the “foreign girls”… I think that may have just been typical of some girls period. Not necessarily foreign, everyones capable of bad decisions, but you learn from them. It happens.
[P.S. Reading all this just made me realize how much I miss this site
]
(Is this spam?)