Identity and a sense of belonging
Dear all tcks,
I am new to the forum (a third culture kid myself) and want to say that I am thrilled for finally finding it’s existence. I’ve been wanting to do something similar for so long, and finally Brice has made it possible. I am so thrilled in fact that I am writing a research paper on the concept.
So if you have a couple of minutes to answer a couple of questions it would be significant to my research.
1. How does being a member of this forum reinforce your identity as a third culture kid?
2. Does this site give you a greater sense of belonging? If so how?
I am in the process of writing my own story to be added to my profile soon. I look forward to being an active member….it’s amazing how the internet has made it possible for us to finally have a place where we can be at “home” even if it is virtual!
Beforhand, thank you to those who respond!
Louise
Louise Christensen
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7 Comments to “Identity and a sense of belonging”
April 20th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I’m writing a paper o n TCKs too, for my sociology of adolescence class!
1. The forum reinforces my identity because I feel like I can finally make sense of my TCK experiences and share them without being judged by people who don’t know how to deal with my views and past. Reading and relating to everyone else’s stories makes me feel like I really belong to a community because I can relate to so many of them.
2. This forum and site definitely give me a sense of belonging (even though I just joined, I can feel it already), because I feel like most people here can relate to my experiences of feeling like an outsider in my supposed “home” culture AND my “host” culture. I can tell already from everyone else’s posts that they understand the alienation feeling and those mixed feelings of wanderlust and wanting to settle down in one place. I finally feel like I’m not a totally alien for not knowing exactly what I want to do or where I want to live or what I consider “home”.
They’ve made me realize that there are names for a lot of these things that I’ve been feeling and not knowing how to explain.
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April 20th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
It is nice to know I am not mad lol That other people understand my cross-cultural lifestyle and the alienation you can feel because you don’t fit in anywhere…always being an “oddity”
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April 20th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Here is a portion of my journal after my first visit to this forum:
“Things have gotten out of hand when everyday I came home, crashing down and bawled on the floor. There were times I had difficulties breathing while crying out loud. I did not want to bother Ms. X to help me. I associate her with the pain of being judged and hurt.”
Upon reading many TCKID forums:
“I am to unite with my inner self that has been oppressed to abandonment and let myself enjoy life as it is. I am to enjoy the true nature of who I am–although I know that I should be careful about the proneness to sins.”
The comments that rang dear to my heart were:
“We’re rootless, it’s true. But while it means we can’t really stick to one place, it also means we’re not tied down.”
-Uncle Dan
“To transcend rootlessness is to feel at home wherever you are, regardless of environment. Home is reframed to include the world. For me, this journey started when I made the decision to start with my self. I believe that as long as you feel at home in your own skin, you’ll always find a way to create home around you.”
-a quote from Brice’s comment
>>> To summarize, reading the forums and comments helped me accept my true self without enforcing expectations or judgments. I’ve found strength in knowing that there is a community that understands me in the moments when I am hurt in my TCKness.
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April 20th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Miyon,
I like Brice’s comment. I began really working on my self a couple years ago, and since I have become happier, I have become less critical of myself and more determined and driven. I can go anywhere and the second I put down my bags (that is, of course, if my bags arrive with me where I arrive), I am home.
Being a TCK, or more accurately finding out I am a TCK allowed me to understand things about myself that I could never manage to bring into conciousness. This forum has allowed me to expand on those basic concepts and writing has allowed me to dig deeper into my thoughts and my understanding of myself. Similarly, the people in this forum, who are FANTASTIC, have been able to provide me with advice and their own experiences in the development of my own self-understanding.
It has also helped me be more accepting of myself, of my differences with respect to the societies I live in. For the sense of belonging, it does. I have learned that while I do not belong to any physical demographic which is easily delineated geographically or culturally, I do belong to a non-geographic, non-monocultural demographic which is not only incredible but which is of growing importance in the world today. So for once in my life, I “belong” to a group/demographic with no caveat. No part of me is “non-tck” because of some experience. At least, that is how I interpret it (some seem to take exclusive definitions of TCK– hence CCK- but I like to take it inclusively as we have confronted too many exclusive comments and ideals in our lives anyways).
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April 21st, 2008 at 4:48 pm
1.
I come to this site when I feel like I’m loosing myself, forgetting who I really am. When I start feeling down, or when those “no one gets me” feelings come up, here is where I come.
Before I found this site, I was alone in these feelings. And this loneliness can lead to insecurity about your feelings and consequently to your identity.
Just the fact of knowing that I’m not alone and having my feelings validated, brings me security (that’s why, like I said before, this site is kind of a “safe port” for me). I feel that I AM right in feeling what I feel, and that it’s ok for me to feel what I feel.
2.
I read somewhere (was it the TCK book?) that every person needs to be in relationships where they are loved, understood and accepted. For me, this is what belonging is about.
I feel all these things when I log in here, when I write here and when I read people’s comments.
I have very few other relationships in which all these 3 things happen together.
So, for me, this site plays quite an important role in my sense of belonging.
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April 24th, 2008 at 5:00 am
1. This site defined my identity as a TCK. When I found this site it was as if I had finally found a defining piece of my puzzle. Reading every ones amazing stories on here always puts my life back into perspective. I am not alone in my rootlessness. This site helped me realize that.
2. In all honesty, this site really made me question my sense identity more that make it stronger. I had always just identified my self with where I was living at that time, for some reason it seemed unacceptable to ever say you didn’t fit in some where. But coming here has allowed me to let go and accept the fact I don’t fit in every where. It has given me the guts to proclaim the fact that I don’t know where I am from. It has made me question my identity in a great way, a way hat has helped me finally create a truthful identity and sense of belonging.
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April 28th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Thank you very much to all of you have replied to my post. It has been very helpful to my research.
Kindest regards,
Louise
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