I need some advice guys
Hey
I’m sorry to clutter up the board with my whinges, but i just need some advice from the people who have gone through this or something like it. I’m at a uni here in Australia that is small hours away from my family which is both a plus and a minus.
I’m not happy.
I’ll copy and paste an email i sent to someone…
Hi Clare,
You asked me how university is going? It’s going okay I guess. Two of the classes aren’t very interesting, the other two are ok. I’m doing French 301 – Language Component and French 303 – a Translation course. I enjoy that. There are 8 French girls in that class.
The other day I was speaking to the guy in charge of the International Students at my college. He himself had to go to the head of the College to ask that someone do this. I was shocked that there was no one here to help the International Students. How disgraceful.
Anyway, he was telling me that he didn’t think I was as ‘popular’ as I could be and that I ‘held myself back’ from the rest of the students here and only ever really engaged fully with the International Students(despite language and cultural barriers – they are all Japanese).
That’s because I don’t have anything in common with the Australian students and I do with the Internationals.
So I’m really in-transit right now. I’m waiting for university to end so that I can start my life, just like I waited for high school to end so that I could start university.
I don’t understand what all of you (Papa, you, Cheryl, Anthea, Natasha) mean when you say it was the best time of your lives. University is just the same people I met at school just a different place and with boys. Drunk, racist and close-minded. They think that I am strange because I don’t have much interest in drinking and casual one-night stands. So I got completely drunk (‘blinded’ is a term they use here) last week just to see what it was like and now I have even less interest in any of them.
So I don’t know what to do. I was looking at transferring but to where? They’re all just the same.
Isabelle
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I’ve tried talking to my Dad but all he keeps on saying is that ‘It’s really the best uni for you.’ And i agree that compared to SydneyUni it is.
But i’ve been waiting since we landed in Australia to go to uni, i thought things would get better. I don’t want to spend my university career in a place where i only have a few moments of happiness. I don’t want to spend my uni career ‘waiting’ to get out. I’ve done enough of that.
I looked up tranferring to UCLA but i really need a car to live in LA… and i can’t drive (ever, due to vision problems). And i don’t really want to go the States for uni.
I don’t know how to talk to my dad about this. I’ve been trying for over 3 months for him to read the TCK book and he seems unwilling.
Any ideas? Advice?
Oh does anyone know of any International Unis or English language unis overseas that are small?
February 29th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
haha ur totally right…but see at least they leave each other alone…I guess that’s like the best thing u can ask for most universities. wow ur university just sounds so cool it’s almost like the beautiful high school days at international schools.
and about ur comment below…I felt like AH HA…it’s sad and TRUE. yes…this is one of the hardships being an Asian who behaves more on the western side, i generally like and it just breaks my heart that they don’t even try to understand each other better and become frds. I just don’t get it sumtimes. I also hate how I am always the one in the middle and i personally find the asian group a whole lot more possesive about this-_- I often find I need to please their low level of tolerance first, cuz the western frds will always be my frds even though I have an asian side.but I am getting reli sick of this. cuz asian group almost think everything is bad. (does the asian innocence stereotype ring a bell? lol)It’s as if me joining the western kids will make them all disappointed and worried. It has nothing to do with them accepting me for who I am, but they SERIOUSLY believe all substances are for bad kids. Not that SUBSTANCES are good but I think they need to be a little more understanding about it because the truth is, ppl are depressed! and all kinds of substance addictions are present especially in the world of international schools. It’s RELI not hard to reach a point of peace…but they just wouldnt try.
I am also pretty sick of living up to the asian standard of innocence sumtimes because it’s EXTREME. no human being can be as innocent as they expect in case if they didn’t notice.
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February 29th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Isa,
Good luck with finding a situation that is a fit. I came across this university site, while researching my conference topic.
Perhaps you can get some ideas of things to do by reading through their program for supporting TCKs at thi university —
http://www.lclark.edu/dept/iso/tck.html
Paulette
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March 2nd, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I was like that when I first moved here in my HS. I don’t LOVE it, but I can stand it.
“Drunk, racist and close-minded. They think that I am strange because I don’t have much interest in drinking and casual one-night stands.” That is how it’s like here, and I feel the same. Being one of the very few asians here, I am looked at differently. Although I am not entirely innocent, I will not take part in one night stands. Of course, some people think I would, but screw that, so just don’t even try to fit in if that’s the case Isa.
Convince your dad that although it’s a good university, you also need to let him know that it would be easier on you to actually ENJOY the place, because quality of life DOES affect schooling, or at least it does in my case.
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March 26th, 2008 at 1:23 am
Hi again Isa,
I went through what you are going through when I first moved back to Australia to go to uni. I completed my first year, dropped out and moved back to Pakistan. I just couldn’t handle it. My parents and brothers were still in Pakistan and it’s the country my family lived in the longest while I was growing up. I needed stability, and at the time Pakistan was it. I wasn’t happy with the course I was enrolled in either. They said it was Asian studies but they didn’t cover anything West of Thailand.
I went back to school when I was 24, my parents had been back in Canberra for a little while and I got into ANU that acknowledge all of Asia and I got to major in Hindi/Urdu, and International Development.
I finally finished my bachelor degrees and thought great I can get overseas again. But DFAT and AUSAID didn’t want me. I found a locally engaged position at the Aussie Consulate in Guangzhou and moved there thinking at least I won’t be in Australia anymore. I got there, loved China but hated work. I was discriminated against there as well. So it was back to Australia for me and a nervous breakdown.
When I moved to China I also enrolled at Deakin University to do a Master of International and Community Development. The reason I chose this uni other than the degree it offered was because you can do it long distance from wherever you want to in the world as long as you have access to the internet and a reliable postal service. Maybe that is a good option for you. There are so many places now offering online degrees.
I ended up recovering from my breakdown in canberra while I finished the masters, but hey, theoretically, you could be anywhere in the world.
I also didn’t like partying or casual sex. I got my partying out of my system in pakistan believe it or not. Yes, alcohol is illegal there. I turned 18 at the end of my junior year of high school so I was legally drinking at most of the embassies my senior year. I’ve never been into casual sex but thats because I was molested along the way as a kid and I avoid getting involved with relationships as well so I don’t have to deal with those either.
But, if your really not happy there are options out these. Don’t sacrifice your happiness. I’ve tried it, it doesn’t work. It will only make you more depressed.
I am still getting rejected from DFAT and Ausaid and the NGO’s I’ve been applying to but I will be a teacher soon and hopefully picking up work overseas that way. I haven’t tried the State Dept or USAID yet, I’ll leave that until I can afford to move back to the US.
Hope that helps.
Rebecca
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March 26th, 2008 at 2:46 am
I posted this big long reply to you about an hour ago. I noticed it hadn’t gone through so I hit add comment again and got this thing back saying I had made a duplicate comment. But, its still not here.
So, long story short, I know exactly how you feel. Or rather, I did feel that way when I was first back in Australia at uni. My solution was I dropped out after first year (freshman year for any Americans) went back to pakistan to visit my parents for the summer although it was winter in Islamabad and flatly refused to leave. There wasn’t much they could do other than force me onto the plan and seeing as I weighed (and still do actually, *sigh*) 300 lbs (140kg approx for those using metric) they couldn’t drag me onto a plane. Plus I’ve been a stubborn old cow for most of my life. Pretty much since I learnt to say the word no.
There were a lot of reasons I didn’t like the college I went to when I was 19. They didn’t really offer the subjects I wanted to take. I was in desperate need of stability and as my parents were still in Pakistan and so were a lot of my friends that was where I wanted to be. I truly felt like I belonged there and still do.
I finally left Pakistan a few months before my family did. I moved to New York cause it was close to where quite a few of my friends from High School were. My family moved back to Canberra. Nine months later I followed them and went back to college, I was 24. This time however, I had my family there and two other people I had known in Pakistan despite the fact they were a good 4 or 5 years younger than me. We were all at ANU (Australian National University) and I was able to study the things I wanted, Hindi/Urdu and International Development.
When I finished my bachelor degrees I got a job in China and also started a Masters degree with Deakin university. I chose this school to apply to for two reasons. They first, they offered the degree I wanted and the second, they offered it long distance. You could do the degree from anywhere in the world as long as you had access to the internet and a reasonably reliable postal service.
This may be a good idea for you. There are that many universities these days that offer online or long distance degrees. That way you could live where you want and get your education.
I actually did like drinking but I was over it by the time I got to college. Because of changing between the American and Australian systems so often I turned 19 a few days before I graduated from high school. This made me legal drinking age my whole senior year for almost all the embassy bars except the American. It was the same with quite a few of my classmates as well.
Although, like you I’ve never been into or understood people’s need for casual sex. Mind you with me its been more about the fact that I was molested as a child between the ages of 3 and 10 so I just avoid relationships and casual sex like they were the plague. This has resulted in Depression and Post Traumatic Stress which isn’t easy to deal with but at least I’m medicated now.
As far as talking to your Dad goes I don’t know what to suggest other than telling him you’re not happy. Its not worth sacrificing your happiness, trust me, I’ve tried it. It just makes you more miserable. When you talk to him rather than just telling him your not happy also suggest some solutions like that ones everyone has been suggesting. That way he’ll know that you have through everything through.
I hope this helps.
Rebecca
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