I just want to be married to someone who will understand me
Hey,
Read the book when I was a junior in college- the year it was published.
My issues:
Single, almost 30, homeless, jobless, taking a sabadical year, don’t know what direction I want to go. Am an international teacher, but don’t know if I want to stay in my parent’s footsteps. They teach overseas too.
Basically I am floating. I just spent 5 months working on a cattle ranch in Australia- which was great, but my visa expired. Now I am litterally floating. Staying at my parents vacation pad in Switz. Should go back to the US in a couple of weeks, but don’t really know what to do there. I want to work backstage building sets in theater- NY maybe, but I don’t have any connections there.
To be perfectly honnest, I just want to be married to someone who will understand me. Then maybe I won’t belong anywhere in particuluar, but at least I can build a home with someone and feel like I belong!
Major ranting. I’m sorry. Depressed, sad, and of course it’s Valentine’s Day.
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9 Comments to “I just want to be married to someone who will understand me”
February 15th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Anonymousstuck- chin up my dear! Now, Valentine’s Day as we all know is basically a consumer holiday that drives a lot of us into a low and sour mood. My advice, ignore it- I know it may seem difficult but try!
Secondly, the feeling of not being able to be in a relationship where you are truly understood is a common one! I have been there, believe me and yes, it does make for days where one gets really down and overwhelmed. Well, here’s the good news…you are on this website and will find a lot of like-minded people who can not only understand where you are coming from emotionally, but also be a type of support network.
I totally get that you are feeling lost and unsure where to go to and what to do (hey, I’m in my 30s too and am still full of questions, doubts etc.) and that if you had a stable relationship that you would get some sense of stability in your life. So let’s just put things into a slightly different perspective. Ask yourself who is it that you want to attract- what type of person? What qualities do you want in a relationship and what types of compromises are you willing to make and what not? Be totally honest with yourself because relationships of any kind, TCK or not, require constant effort, understanding, communication and commitment. I’m sure I needn’t tell you this, ‘cos you already know but when you are a TCK then the bar is raised even more. You also need someone who has a certain amount of open-mindedness [so someone who’s seen a bit of the world helps] and is willing to grow. Being with a person who has grown up all their life in one place and has a very defined sense of belonging is often appealing precisely because we’ve never had that in our life. But no matter how appealing it is, it will always end up being a bit of an obstacle if that person isn’t open-minded enough to try and understand things from your point of view. With that said, I hate to sound like a cliche’ but give yourself a bit more credit and try to regain some of that lost self esteem- work on being in a good place with yourself-those are things that any potential partner will picks-up on and it is often the reason why on feel why we are either not attracting anyone or not the right person.
If you are dreaming of getting involved in the theatre and it’s something that would make you happy then start by looking a bit online. Brainstorm a bit and maybe just do a cold contact via email with a theatre that interests you. How about a summer apprentice programme at a theatre company whilst maybe working part-time as a teacher? If you don’t at least give it a go, then you won’t know, right?
Hang in there and know that we’re all just fumbling our way through things, some of us just blossom later than others…and that’s perfectly fine.
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February 16th, 2008 at 3:42 am
You know what?
It’s better to be alone than in an abusive or bad relationship.
There is always the option of being happy alone. There is no requirement that we need to find partners even though society pressures us to do so.
However…there are somethings that are inconvenient if you have no friends, relatives or partner living near you.
I had an operation last year and I had to ask my partner to come with me so he could hold on to my personal effects while I was unconscious. I needed to have my credit cards and money with me to pay for the hospital bills and taxi when I woke-up but this could have been stolen while I was knocked out if you know what I mean?
Hospitals really need to make a system where single people don’t have to worry about their purse getting stolen while they’re getting operated :S
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February 16th, 2008 at 10:09 am
hey man, i feel you. i would say follow your heart. move to NY, look into building sets (just knock on the door of theatres and hand them your resumé or offer to volunteer, that gets you in the door) and everything else shall follow. i truly beleive that.
yes, including someone to marry…
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February 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
do what you want … you will find someone!
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March 2nd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I know how you feel - Good luck!
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March 25th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
NY is good place for TCKs. Sure, you get the hardcore born & bred in NY NYers, that say “NY is the best place in the world and I wouldn’t live anywhere else” when they haven’t ever gone beyond Atlantic City! NY is ‘the place’ because everyone is normal no matter how different you are! NYers think “where else would they be?” when John Lennon or Robert De Niro buys a bagel and a coffee at the corner store.
However, the big city while social on the surface, can be lonely on the inside. But everyone is social and friendly and ready to get to know you if you put the effort in first! You just have to get yourself out to meet whomever you want.
(I lived there, and met most of my NY friends randomly: standing in line at Starbucks, waiting for the train, introduced to the person sitting next to me by the Sushi chef, heck my doorman even set up a job interview for me at an advertising firm (he was a burnout Ad exec in a previous life!))
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March 25th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Hi anonymoustck,
I totally know how you feel. I don’t even date people unless I know they grew up like me. There is no point.
The way I see it, if I wake up one morning with a strong feeling all of a sudden that I need to move to Latvia or Mongolia or Djibouti, I need him to be like cool, when do we leave. There is no way that will happen with a non TCK nor would they understand the inclination.
The last time I dated anyone was maybe 6 or 7 years ago when I discovered a West African community while i was living in Southern China. The acception to the TCK rule for me is if I can marry a Nigerian or a Pakistani (two of the countries I have strong connections to) because I would be perfectly happy living in both those countries for as long as necessary.
I’ll be 33 this year. I’ve been a professional student basically since I was 23 or 24. It took me awhile to get into college I tried it at the age of 19, hated where I was, dropped out and moved back to Pakistan. Then moved to NY briefly then ended up back in Canberra for school.
At the moment I’m in the final stages of my teaching qualifications and then I hope to get into International Schools and eventually an NGO like UNICEF or child protection in general. The international schools are important so I can adopt kids along the way. I resigned myself long ago to being single for the rest of my life. I don’t know, it might help if I wasn’t more intelligent that the non-TCK’s I meet.
I also suffer from depression and Post traumatic stress disorder that TCK’s just understand better.
You’re not the only one out there.
Rebecca
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January 3rd, 2009 (4 days ago) at 1:14 am
We should start a club. The thirty, flirty and thriving TCK’s
Yep, I hear you, I am in the same boat. I’ve have always tried to “fit” in with what they wanted. Wow, you really think of it differently. That’s cool. I like that mentality…” I just want someone who is like me.”
Maybe I will adopt that attitude this year >2009. Seriously, time for some self reflection and tlc, its all about me. I sacrifice for no one. I lay down my life, my heart, my tears, my cares for no one. After all its all been in vain thus far for others. The quest for love is too costly when you sabatoge your dreams and hopes.
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January 3rd, 2009 (4 days ago) at 6:03 am
Don’t give up.
A good relationship with someone who really understands you is difficult whether you are a TCK or not BUT it does happen.
I am a TCK and have found a great life with someone who wants the same things as me. My finance is not a TCK, he grew up in England and lived there until he finished college. He may not have grown up overseas but he knows that’s he wants live the rest of his life all over the world (he actually insist that I never make him live in England again).
I work as an international school teacher too (China). This is my first “grown up” overseas job (30 when I got it… talk about delayed adolescence). I was still dating someone in the USA but knew it wouldn’t work because we wanted different things in life. I met my husband to be at a friends birthday party here in China. I know I got lucky meeting him (all my friends tell me) but it DOES happen.
Keep an open mind and ENJOY the journey.
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