I had no idea…
…that I could be called a TCK. I stumbled on the term this morning and have been dumbstruck ever since. I have never had anyone understand this aspect of my life - although my husband really tries and gets it as much as someone can, who hasn’t lived it. I moved to the US with my family when I was 4 years old (and moved around a bunch of times since), which to most people means that I’m a typical immigrant child who’s mostly assimilated. However, my parents, who are research scientists, never intended to stay here and essentially our entire life was lived as if we were still at home - all of my parents’ friends share their background, etc. I never connected with American culture, and though I have lived here most of my life, it has never felt like home.
At the same time, I have lived in the US too long to fit in with my native culture, either. So one place, I resent being connected to, while the other, I desperately want to fit in with but never will. It’s happened so many times that people dismiss me from this culture that, to me, is at the center of my identity. I’m not the type of person, I think, who would fit in easily anywhere; and I am at peace with who I am. But even people out of the mainstream can belong to their own culture in a way that I never will, and constantly find myself longing for.
I don’t know what will happen with my son, who’s now a baby. I don’t want the same thing for him. But even if I were determined to raise him as an American, which I’m not, I wouldn’t know how; and if he does grow up to identify with the culture here, I feel like we would be worlds apart. I used to think that I could overcome this cultural divide somehow, but now I’m trying to accept that that will likely never happen. It’s hard. I think about it constantly.
Tamar
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8 Comments to “I had no idea…”
October 10th, 2008 at 10:53 am
hello TamarM
It is very interesting to find out that we have a name, isn’t it?
And it’s great when we realise that, yes, there are other people in the world who understand us!
I feel similar to you because I grew up refusing to assimilate many things from my “home” country’s culture. Even though I live here since I was 7, I found a way to live in my own “bubble”, apart from the mainstream culture.
We have a tradition - that I love to keep! - which is to give newcomers a lolcat, so here’s yours:
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October 11th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Welcome, welcome!
I have to agree, having a name and a place to discuss my displaced feeling is something that has helped me to cope allot. I have moved around allot, all over the world. So ‘me’ culture is totally different from anything out there, and i have to accept that, and use it as a gift rather than a hindrance if i can. I also think we are very analytical of ourselves, perhaps too much at times. sometimes it is best to just to live without a set plan as to how to approach the other culture.
well, i hope you continue to come back!
hmm . . . I never got a lolcat.
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October 11th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
@scott
hmmm…for some reason I can’t find your intro…maybe because you haven’t written it?
If you write one, I promise you’ll get a lolcat
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October 12th, 2008 at 8:07 am
now that i think about it, i am pretty sure i haven’t. It has been quite a while- when i joined i think there was only about 800 members or so. I guess i should, so people actually know . . . even though my story really is not that unusual here lol.
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October 13th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Hi! I had no idea either, and weeks later I’m still amazed about all of this haha. Welcome!
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October 13th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
@Mayling:
A year and a half later *I* am still amazed at how many people I can relate to! (as opposed to the feeling I grew up with that “nobody gets me”)
I think it never stops
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October 13th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Yea, it’s now normal to feel this way.
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October 13th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Thank you so much for the warm welcome, everyone!
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