rafael, I read the post in English.
Thank you so much for the link.

Daniel,
German is one of the languages I want to learn in the future. Someday I will come back to this thread and read the post in German ^-^

For now, I am strengthening my first language (or my native language) in order to expand my mind capability. And I am sure you know this but all foreign languages start with understanding the first language well. When learning foreign languages, new expressions and words can point to the first language until we don't have to translate anymore and naturally think in foreign languages.

Concerning your family, that is a pretty amazing dynamic Daniel. It would be very interesting when there is a family union. Well, I have grandparents who lived in Korea all their life but speak fluent Japanese due to the Japanese occupation for 36 years. Most of my uncles and aunties have lived in the States and returned to Korea, some live in Canada, and I have cousins with whom I never discussed TCKness with. From my understanding, the older generations don't seem to understand what TCK is about but I am looking forward to the day when I would be having deep talks with my cousins ^-^

awesome, thank you!!

The link to switch from german to english is at the top right of the page, but here is the direct link to th english version:

http://www.kontakt.erstegroup.net/report/stories/Milena+Oda/en

It's a very interesting read, and a shame you can't read it Miyon. My German isn't nearly good enough to properly translate it into English, but I understand it.

For me, my lack of Vietnamese doesn't estrange me so much from my parents as much as it does my extended family. My parents are TCAs, and have lived the last 25 years moving around. My grandparents have limited English and both they and the rest of my extended family have lived the same period almost exclusively here in the US. And it makes us very, very different indeed.

I'm visiting them now, and that difference has rarely felt stranger.

Despite all of this... I feel a strong urge to go read German, because it's become my best second language and I've lost almost all opportunity to speak it. It's altogether far too confusing to try and keep everything up at once.

I really appreciate what Lua, Rafael, Danau, and Mochi wrote above. I wonder other than language studies, reading more in mother's tongue is the solution to overcoming the language barrier.

I really appreciate all the resources mentioned, like books Danau mentioned. I visited the website Rafael wrote but unfortunately could not find the translation in English..

That's a great idea Mochi!
I think I should also try to go to libraries while I'm in Germany and to read and read and read... but websites is a great way of keeping up with news, slang and jokes etc.

While I don't have that problem since
my household has unspoken rule of
'Korean only in our family' (which helps
to not forget the language entirely),
I do sympathize with you
I hate it when ppl think that I'm not good in
both Korean and English (or either one only)
, when I think that while I AM not perfect in
these languages,not even native speakers are,
and at the same time, I Am perfect in them too
It's kinda my fault since I have a tendency
to hate grammar rules in every languages
and never bothered to go deep in grammar
I cringe when thinking of studying in Korea, cuz
I'm afraid that professors there will fail me
cuz my Korean writing is slightly rusty, even little
bit more than English
It's also hard not to try to mix English once a while
when I talk in Korean
For English, sometimes pronounciations of some
words are bizzarre, since pronounciation rules
ar bizzarre too
Grammar rules are even much more complicated
than Korean :(
One of the reason I love visiting back to Korea
is because it forces me to use Korean all the time,
while I don't get to at States cuz I barely talk
to Koreans, let alone hang out w/ them n
talk to them in Korean
Also, I am proud to say I know slangs in both
cultures well cuz I keep up with Korean news and
trends by going to Korean websites frequently
Most Koreans (ones who act very Korean) I met
at States are very surprised that I can keep up
with Korean slangs
After all, slangs do reflect what kind of culture
they are in
In short sentence, that's how I maintain the
balance of being bilingual

Danau,

Thanks so much for sharing! Somehow it becomes a lot clearer when we talk about these issues with people who deal with the same things.. You should look into that article that Rafael posted- there's an English version of it, but I'm not sure where to find it through that link.. anyway, it talks about a few things you mentioned in your post-
speaking of which, I really identify with your friend. I never thought about it/ didn't know why I feel more comfortable with communicating in English but it makes sense now (because English is the language I used when I first began to have to express myself on a deeper level).
Like you, when I was young I connected with mum through the stories she'd tell me of her childhood and that's how I started to get to know her as someone "other than my mother".
Also, wow, Japan! That must have been an amazing experience,- that's where your mum comes from, right?

I had a look on our library website for those books but so far I can't find them... I'll definitely ask around though!
what are you studying at uni?

I think you're right about the relationship as a threat for loss of emotional support thing. I'm trying my best to be a good daughter at the same time! :)

The only resource I can think of right now is a book called: "Translating lives: Living with two languages and cultures" edited by Mary Besemeres and Anna Wierzbicka. I know the title only says 'two languages', but still might help us understand ourselves and those around us. (I haven't finished reading it myself, but my lecturer told me to read it. Plus, it's Australian based, so you'll have an easier time finding it in your uni library.)

Abstract: Recounting the personal experiences of 12 bilingual Australians, this immensely moving collection of stories shows how immersion in two overlapping cultures affects one's perspectives on the world and relationships with other people. Including contributions from Kim Scott and Eva Sallis, these stories—childhood recollections, migrant experiences, journeys of self-discovery, and accounts of feeling culturally torn or undefined—demonstrate the intrinsic links between language, culture, and identity.

Gosh, this is a very deep (and heart wrenching) post. I've always appreciated my mom's efforts to teach me Japanese, but not as much as when I first read this post. Thanks for helping me realize this at a new level.

Your mom reminds me so much of my mom. My mom probably feels very much the same way. She's Japanese, but she can't relate to Japanese people anymore, but doesn't have the language ability to relate to non-Japanese people. So she doesn't have any network of supportive friends or family here at all. Whatever she did have, she's lost it because she kept moving. So it's really hard for her. I know what you mean by Australia. I'm usually based in Perth myself. I find that I can relate best to other migrants or international students (regardless of where they come from) or Aussies who like migrants. I personally haven't looked around myself, but I'm sure there are others in your mom's position and there must be books about it too.

About language acquisition - It is possible to learn a language as an adult to quite a deep level, but it takes a lot of effort. I know many translators who have a language other than English as their mother tongue, but after moving to an English speaking country as an adult and working as a translator for years, they find it easier to express themselves in English.
Also, a friend of mine speaks English as his mother tongue, but his emotional language is Mandarin. But he is NOT Chinese in any way, shape, or form. He learnt Mandarin as an adult. The reason why Mandarin is his emotional language is because the common language between him and his first girlfriend was Mandarin, and that's when he first learnt to express his emotions. So he can express his emotions better in his second langauge (Mandarin) than in his mother tongue (English). (He argues that as a guy he never really learnt to express his emotions prior to that.) So, I suppose I'm hoping this example will give us hope in that while language is very important, we can still express our emotions even if we find that we are not completely fluent in a language.

Also, my level of Japanese was that of a 12 year old until I was 19 when I went to Japan and lived there for a year. But for the most part, the improvement on my fluency level didn't have much bearing on my communication with my mom. Most of our important emotional communication requires fairly simple expressions. And most of my understanding of her and emotional connection with her comes from the stories she told me when I was young (i.e. when my Japanese was that of a child) about her own childhood, her parents (my grandparents), and my interest in Japan (which means that I like learning about Japan, etc).

About how your new relationship is affecting your relationship with your mom - I wonder if it's because she doesn't have anyone else she can depend on emotionally apart from you? Perhaps from her point of view it feels as though you (her last emotional support) are being taken away from her. I wonder if there is a way to reassure her that this is not the case.

Hi thanks and I wish you well with your mother!

Hey Rafael!

You write very well and verstaendlich! - it does make sense now that I re-look at the essay. What blocked me from identifying with what the author is saying is that she (in my opinion) expressed herself aggressively and, as you implied also, the words she used had a negative connotation to them that I got caught up on. Differently to you however, I immediately took a defensive stand because I felt as though she was somewhat ridiculing people who do not develop their language skills to a great extent, without considering possible reasons (such as disconnection from culture by travelling etc). Furthermore, when she said Intelligenz and Intellekt I do admit that my interpretation was limited by my own definition of the two (or rather, by what I thought HER definition was- based on the tone and academic style of the essay). I guess, once again, we experienced "the death of the author" in that we brought our own backgrounds to it etc. hmmm...

I completely agree on the theory of the emotional code of languages though- I feel it when I speak German or English. Oddly, to me, German Umgangssprache is colder than English, but German verse and words are filled with much more passion and life (one just needs to read Goethe in German and then the same book translated into English- very different!).
Also, I think it would be interesting to chat in person :p I feel I need to expand my German vocab much more, so I would mostly try to express myself in English while you might chose German. What a funny scenario to imagine. But oh, the joys of a multicultural world! Thanks again for the in-depth analysis of the essay! I'm very interested in philosophy and mythology but only at the beginning of my studies. Should look into it more! Always inspired by these kinds of conversation though :)
Ps: do you ever visit or go back to Germany?

Hey William- it seems like lots of TCK'As are experiencing this problem.. it's a shame but I guess often the cost of growing up/ being part of a culturally multifaceted family... we'll deal with it somehow..

Take Care!

Hi, I can understand alot of what is being expressed here. I am an adult TCK, my parents were military and never able to communicate with me. They were both from different American cultural groups as well. My mother is dead and my father is in the last stages of hanging on to life after having had a stroke. I tried for over 40 years to connect with them and never really did. For me its just not going to happen. I think reading and writing help alot, and the people on this forum are helpful.

Haha, Lua. Oh no, I didn't understand the Essay that way around : )

Yes, basically she is saying that sickness of language indicates sickness of the person.
But, you have to read the essay with a very open mind. When I read something, I always pick out things that I like and even those I usually twist around and re-interpret to fit my likings. I rarely understand something as it is written literally - I always look in between the lines, often even to more than one degree.


Here's my interpretation:(Auf Deutsch, "just to prove a point".)

Erstens, muss ich sagen, dass der Artikel sehr viele Gedankengänge in mir entfächert; ich werde trotzdem versuchen alles zu erklären, wass ich beim lesen dieses Artikels empfinde.

Ich habe vor allem mitbekommen, dass eine Sprache einen gewissen Emotionalen Ton mit sich trägt, und dass für unterschiedliche Sprachen dieser Ton anders ist. Somit können zwangsweise in unterschiedlichen Sprachen alleine wegen diesem Ton nicht das gleiche auf die gleiche weise ausdrücken. Natürlich haben die meisten Sprachen auch für jedes Wort eine adequate übersetzung in eine andere Sprache, aber in unterschiedlichen Sprach-kulturen tragen diese Worter, die zwar den gleichen Sachverstand beschrieben, jedoch sehr verschiedene emotionale Assoziationen.
Die Welt besteht nicht nur aus Tatsachen, die ein Mensch wahrnimmt, sonder viel mehr aus der Beziehung welche der Mensch zu diesen Tatsachen aufbaut - nämlich sein emotionaler Bestandteil.

Das Essay geht weiter, um die deutung der Sprache über den Menschen, und zieht eine Relation zur Intelligenz. Hierbei sollst du nicht vergesssen, dass es verschiedene Arten der Intelligenz gibt(u.a. rationale, emotionale, soziale, etc...). Dabei bezieht die Autorin eine besondere Stellung zu dem Thema.
Ich weiß nicht, wie sehr du dich mit Philosophie auskennst, aber es gibt verschiedene Konzepte um den Menschen und seine Entwicklung zu beschreiben. Unter anderem das Konzept der 'Tabula Rasa' - welches behauptet, dass der Mensch als so genanntes 'lehres Blatt" gebohren wird, und durch seine Erfahrung seine Persönlichkeit 'auf dieses Blatt schreibt'. Mir scheint es, als ob die Autorin auch zu dieser Theorie neigt(so wie ich, wesewegen vielleicht der Artikel mir auch sehr gefiel). Der folgende Satz finde ich zeigt dies: "Die Sprache ist nicht nur ein Instrument zur Verständigung, sondern auch eines zur Füllung der eigenen Leere." Ich finde, dass dieser Teil des Aufsatzes leicht negativ klingt, da die Autorin scheinbar empfindet, dass der Mensch eher bescheiden in seiner Fülle ist, und eher noch sehr viel Leere zum ausfüllen besitzt.
Zurück aber zur parallelen beziehung von Sprache zu Intelligenz. Ich bin auch davon überzeugt, dass um ein angemessenes Niveau an Verständniss zu erlangen auch ein entsprechende Entwicklung der eigenen Sprache ein 'conditio sine qua non' ist - ("Bedingung, ohne nicht [möglich]"). Der Schlüsselgedanke, um dies äuserung nicht all zu pessimistisch zu verstehen, greift zurück auf die unterschiedlichen Ebenen einer sprache - einerseits der Formal-logischen seite, andererseits der emotionalen.
Somit habe ich diese äuserung so interpretiert, dass das Entwicklungsniveau einer Sprache nicht nur an Grammatik und Vocabeln messen lässt, sonder auch sehr stark von dem Emotionalen bezug, welchen mann zu den einzelnen Bestandteilen der Sprache hat. Die Autorin errinert daran, dass Leute häufig dazu tendieren, worte und phrasen klicheehaft und schematisch einzusetzen, ohne sich über den tatsächlichen Inhalt dieser Gedanken zu machen - in diesem Fall, emotionalen Inhalt. Zitat: "Man imitiert lieber die gegebenen wörter, als sie aufs Neue zu produzieren." Um ein Wort auch auch inhaltreich wiederzugeben, muss es bei jedem Mal 'aufs Neue produziert werden'. Wenn Leute klicheehaft sprechen, sind ihre äuserungen herzlos, glutlos, lebenslos, und sind "nur ein Zeichen der Intellektsgrenze".
Also mache dir keine Sorgen, dass gemäß dieser Theorie, ein geringer Wortschatz auch auf einen geringen Intellekt deutet - viel wichtiger, ist dass du die Wörter, welche du schon kennst, auch mit dem emotionalen Hintergrund nutzt, der ihnen gerecht wird.
Wenn du also z.B. von Liebe sprichst, sollst du nicht eines der vielen Klichees bedienen, sondern ein empfinden Ausdrücken welches die Tiefe darstellt, die man empfindet wenn man sein neugeborenes Kind anschaut, oder nach langer Zeit einen guten Freund wieder in die Arme nimmt, etc... Das Wort soll eine imitation der Realität bleiben, und nicht die Realität sich auf das Wort beschränken.


In diesem Zusammenhang fange ich jetzt an zu spekulieren - was das alles für Bedeutungen für ein TCK haben kann. : ) (long post...)

Erstens, zeigt die Tatsache, dass man mehrere Sprachen beherrscht, dass man auch auf mehreren emotionalen Ebenen denkt, spührt und handelt. Für mich interpretiere ich aus diesem Text also mehrere parallele Systeme, die sich dank meine Erziehung alle ordentlich entwickeln konnten - eher als ein einziges System, welches durch meine Erziehung gegenüber Muttersprachlern unterentwickelt ist. Was jetzt besser ist - keine Ahnung? Ich habe noch nicht genug darüber nachgedacht.

Zweitens, ist die beschränkung dieser Sprachen auf einen geringeren Wortschatz nicht unbedingt von nachteil gegenüber einem Muttersprachler, da dieser eher dazu neigt wörter unbedengt einzusetzen, und somit an emotionaler Intensität in seiner Kommunikation verliert. (Hier wiederum, habe ich sofort einen anderen Aufsatz gefunden, welcher die Wechselwirkung zwischen emotionalem und formal-logischem Denken beschreibt. Dieser sagt z.B., dass emotion und formale logic sich gegenseitig ausschliessen, und dass wenn man mehr emotional wird, das logische denken automatisch geringer wird. Andererseits kann man durch Konzentration die Emotionen unterdrücken, um mehr Freiraum für logisches Denken zu schaffen. Was das für die Ebenen der sprachlichen kommunikation bedeutet, habe ich mir noch nicht ausgedacht.)

Drittens, frage ich mich, ob wir TCKs nicht durch die verschiedene emotionalen codes und formalen sprach-regeln die wir beherrschen eine bessere Auffassung dessen haben, wass für eine Realität die jeweiligen Worter und Phrasen zu beschreiben versuchen. Sind wir dank unserer verschiedenen Perspektiven und Gefühlen im zusammenhang mit Sachverhälten nicht näher der Wahrheit als die Leute, die Sprachlich die Welt immer nur aus einem Sichtpunkt betrachtet haben?

U.s.w....

Ich könnte ewig so weiter machen - besonders mit dem Internet zu Füsen. Ich liebe das Surfen zu geisteswissenschaftlichen Themen. Jetzt muss ich mich aber meinen Kern-verpflichtungen, bzw. Kern-prioritäten zuwenden(Ich bin ein Mensch der Zahlensystemen und -zusammenhängen).

Vielleicht noch ein paar kleine Antworten auf Fragen die du mir gestellt hast:
No - I'm not with the girl that caused me and my parents to 'break up' anymore. At the time I was aware, that statistically, I wouldn't stay with her for my entire life, but I didn't rule it out, and wanted to give it my best shot - and this is what freaked my parents out... I'll never know why.
... because, I don't have the possibility to contact my parents anymore. I've sent them messages to which they don't reply, and have even visited the place where they are officially enlisted, but they don't really live there, which I had expected(I don't know where they live, and I also assume that they travel a lot). I think I have the resources to find them, if I really wanted to, but the fact, that they aren't replying to my messages is enough for me, to not go frantically looking for them. Besides, I think I feel better having the impression that I could find them, if I wanted. I'm a bit afraid of finding out if they are really off my map. I'm also doing quite well alone, and I don't really feel the need to see my parents that often - at most one evening every two months, and that will probably get rarer yet. They are the past, I'm the future, and that is what I'll be taking care of. I've gotten used to it - right? After living in new circumstances for about one year... didn't we all get used to them as though it were always this way?

Btw. psychology - too bad you're not near, psychology is my longstanding hobby... and a TCK on top of it! I hope you can relate to some of what I wrote, und nicht dass ich dich nur zugesabbelt habe. ; ) I think you picked up on what I meant about talk vs. action in my last long-post; I liked what you in turn wrote about that.

Ciao.

Wow I really didn't like that Essay... she's basically saying if you can't articulate everything you're doing/ feeling in an original way- you're stupid, failing yourself and will get sick.
Is it THAT bad? Some people don't have a chance to develop their "mother-tongue" or can't even speak it at all! I do agree though that we may get lazy and don't expand our vocab enough. That doesn't mean someone with less word capacity has less of an understanding of himself though!

I put in favorites anyway, thanks :)
Much love, All the best!

Lua

Hey Rafael,
thank you for sharing your experiences! I think I understand what you mean about TCK/A's etc. dealing with issues in different ways. My mum seems to get by and doesn't let on that she is struggling (or perhaps she's not- because she's so used to the situation). When she needs to write letters to express herself to organizations etc. she comes to me for help and that usually works fine.. so we are working together on this.
I share your frustration though at being unable to communicate with my parents, knowing that we probably have different concepts of what constitutes a good relationship.
As to my own background- I'm turning 20 soon and am in my second year of studying Psychology and creative arts at uni.

"life stops being about talk, and starts being about action" - perhaps I shouldn't place so much importance on verbal communication then and maybe just spend more time with her to let her know that I am emotionally available and supportive.

Also- it's funny that you mention about falling in love with a girl and how your communication with your parents broke after that. I'm not sure what the reason was and are you still with her now?
I find myself in a similar situation where I am with someone whom I'd like to spend the rest of my life with but it is affecting my relationship with my mother because it has altered my concept of what is important in human relationships: balance and mutual self-disclosure.

I know nothing about my parents.
And I so would like to understand their experiences and meet/ talk to them objectively - rather than from the point of view of a dependent child.
I am really sorry about you and your parents. Is there a way that you can get back in touch with them? What if they feel the same way?

Also, Miyon, Zoe and Rafael- It's so good to hear people articulate the issue of "being unable to express yourself in one language"!!
I remember in high school I'd sometimes "rebel" and write my essays in part German part English because I just couldn't say what I meant otherwise!

Thanks also for the article! For some reason German still conveys more emotion to me than English... it's interesting.

Much love and all the best!! I hope you will be able to resolve some of the pain one day

Ps: I'm sure, if you need to, you're allowed to write in a different language.. After all this is a multi-cultural forum, so occasional language Schwankungen shouldn't surprise anyone..

Hm, the link isn't working, so here the adress:
"Die Leidenschaft und die Krankheit der Sprache"/"The Passion and the Sickness of Language":
http://www.kontakt.erstegroup.net/report/stories/Milena+Oda/de

Hey L, thx for posting this topic, I think its a very important one. From what you write, it seems as though your mother has also been strongly influenced by travelling throughout the world. In other posts we've agreed that TCKs, ATCKs and TCAs all have different ways of dealing with the world around them, but I don't think that anyone has yet shed a light on what mannerisms they all have in common. It would be great though to find out more; especially since an internationally traveling family is made up of more than one of them. It could maybe help us communicate with each other.

Both my parents grew up in one area up to the age of 25, my Mom near and around Cologne, Germany, and my Father around Warsaw, Poland. I was born in Germany and moved to the U.S.A around my 5th birthday. Thus in effect, we had three primary languages in our home - German, Polish, and now me with English which I learned at school and used in everyday life. At home we spoke German though, because my mother didn't understand Polish, and my father's english still needed a lot of improvement.
At the time, I didn't think much about how communication occured between us. I was the kid and had to do my best to understand what my parents told me and expected from me. The communication was pretty much unidirectional, even in my late teenage years. As I grew older though, I demanded more and more from my parents, and started questioning their authority to a very deep level, but not much changed. I never got to know my parents, and when I fell in love with a girl, my relationship with my parents snapped. I haven't seen, spoken or communicated in any way with my parents since half a year after my 18th birthday(a bit more than 2 years now).
When I try to understand what happened, I always get hung up on the fact, that I really know nothing about my own parents. They are strangers to me. I've never really communicated with them. And it hurts. Now I don't have the chance to even try communicating with them, and the hurt remains.
I sometimes try to explain to myself, why things came as they did, and I can only assume, that my parents had their own difficulties, which they tried to keep away from me at all costs. In the end, by alienating themselves from me, and leaving me to figure out the ideal way on my own. I mean, if you look at it, the majority of people who move, do so because they don't like the place they lived in before, which de facto indicates that they had/have problems they need to take care of. At least that was the case with my parents, and given the amount of times we moved, life wasn't easy.
Now I manage to get by, but a lot of things don't add up to me, and I sometimes feel paralized to the point of not wanting to do anything else but talk with my parents.
I know this isn't a solution, which you would like to hear, but its a story that might encourage you to continue to try and find a way of communicating with your mom.

I don't know what you're doing, L - whether you're still in school, studying, or something else. I can imagine though, that your relationship with your mom may be skewed by the fact, that she still carries the responsibility for your wellbeing - and if you have a child, your child's wellbeing counts more than your own. You're mom is a grown up, and she sounds like a strong and intelligent person to me, so you shouldn't worry too much about her. She'll be fine if she finds enough time to take care of herself, but sometimes, responsibilities don't let you have the time you would need to take care of yourself.
Also, once you as a child take over complete responsibility for yourself, your relationship to grown-ups within your family changes drastically. You start feeling and thinking on the same level - life stops being about talk, and starts being about action. Maybe this helps?



As to the language problem. Here's a short article I found a long time ago, that says something about the connection between though, emotion and language: Die Leidenschaft und die Krankheit der Sprache It's both in English and in German. It states, that a language also has an emotional level of communicating, and that different languages communicate on different levels of emotion. Thus, what I learned from it, is that since I grew up in different languages and learned to express my emotions differently according to where I lived, I will never be able to fully express who I am in one single language. If I say something in one language, it will allways communicate something slightly different in another, and given the delicate differences that make up a TCK, I think it will be miraculous if I'll ever be able to express what TCK is about in only one language.
In my Family, we always had the language barrier, but we did our best to get along - in the long run though, I think that we all had a very different understanding of the fundamental things we talked about that kept us together... and in my case, we didn't manage to communicate these differences. Maybe because I wasn't aware that I was a TCK at the time, and thought that we understood everything in the same way? I hope everyone out there does it better.
I sometimes find it a bit limiting to write only in one language here on the forum, but for communication's sake, I do it. I think Zoe also has that problem, and writes in Taiwanese sometimes - but then again, I can't read that.
(Actually it would be quite interesting to find out how many people speak what languages here, and see if it would actually be tolerable to write in certain other languages.)

Uff long post, sorry.

L,
I am afraid I do not have the answer but I can relate a lot to your mom's language issue as though it is my own. I have moved a lot as a TCK and though people tell me I am fluent in at least three languages, I always feel like I do not speak any of the languages well enough to express how I feel. I learned my Korean from parents, was educated in Korean schools, and yet due to my upbringing and education in Japan, New Zealand, and the United States and the transitions to Korea in between, I always felt like I could not have a proper language. How more challenging it must be for your mom who may not have picked up languages in education systems!

It must be very frustrating to have difficulties communicating with your mom. And living in a monocultural environment must be challenging, too. We all need acceptance for who we are and sometimes languages seem to build that bridge between several people's emotions.

I am not sure if moving to another place would solve the challenge. I hope other TCKs can give feedbacks on that.

As for me, I learned that in order to solve my language issue, I need to have a base where I can be rooted and grow. Without coming to terms with one single language, I will always feel trapped inside somehow, unable to let myself out. I think I realize this more when I try to write. I can come close to entirely express my true emotions when I jumble up three different languages in one writing. When I try to write in one language, I become stressed out because I cannot seem to put my mind down as I wish.

Does anyone know the solution for developing a single proper language to fully express oneself? Also, how can two family members with a language barrier effectively communicate (like between L and her mom) ?