How do you people stop the restlessness to move?
A question from Jorge, a TCK living in Mexico, who has given us the permission to post his question.
“How do you people stop the restlessness to move? I really would like to settle down somewhere and have some sort of stability in my life. To me it feels like once I have absorbed the “essence” of one place into my life, it’s enough and it’s time to move again, but at the same time I have some long-term goals (including a long-lasting relationship with somebody) that I think are incompatible with a high-mobility lifestyle. But then again, I feel like the driving force of my life becomes stagnant if I stay in one place for too long. Anyway, you all know what I’m talking about. How do you people cope with that or you just don’t?”
June 30th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Jorge: haha I think you two would get along just fine! :p
“Those of you who have managed to settle somewhere? How did you choose where to settle?”
OK I don’t want to scare other people but I have been in Spain for about 5 years now and I chose this location without even checking it out properly or thinking about living in a country where I could never learn to speak the language properly or adjust fully to the oh so different culture….but I’m here and I get by.
< —Is this TCKish or what? :p
Now how did this happen?
I was working in London when I went on an Internet date to Spain and chatted with a friend of the date who was selling properties. I also found out that Spain would issue the kind of residency visa that would permit me to live here.
So I purchased two properties and moved here around 5 years ago and am became kind of rooted since the only property I own in the world is in Spain.
I rent out one property so I have a regular income and I live in the other.
Believe me - I ran into lots of trouble like ending up with a tenant who stopped paying me and lingered for over a year. He still owes me more than 9000 euros and I will never see this money.
This 1.5 years was tough. I’d already had to get used to spending less money but during this period I really went back to saving pennies, because there was no guarantee that this tenant could be kicked out in years….because this is Spain.
Maybe one day I will write a detailed saga of how rough it was in the beginning when I arrived in Spain. Frankly not speaking the language was the least of my worries even though it seemed to exacerbate the problems I had … or did it really?
There are lots of things in Spain that speaking the language won’t solve…like when you still don’t have electricity in your flat and Semana Santa arrives.
You just have to learn to live by candle light for another week or two.
I guess that’s why I keep saying plan your move more carefully and look for another job before you quit your current job….these are all the things I never ever managed to do and believe me, I paid for it.
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July 1st, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Hi Jorge, I have settled in a place that I really enjoy and will probably stay here for a while, but the restlessness remains. To help take the edge off, I travel a lot and am always seeking out new adventures - new people, places, hobbies…I create change where I can, to give the illusion of something new - clothing style, home redecorating, hair colour/style, etc.
I make all of my choices to allow for mobility - career (medicine), my children’s education (homeschool), marriage (husband equally able and willing to travel and change homes), money (live below my means to create more disposable income for less work dependency and therefore more time/money to travel). My husband and I maintain a home base (we have moved often, but within the same area so that our children have a sense of home), but travel often and far from home (continuing education for a job is a good way to travel and have it paid for by someone else or at least, in the US, tax deducted). It helps that me husband is a wannabe ATCK and wants our children to be TCKs
To answer your question - “How do you stop the restlessness?” - I haven’t and I don’t know how to. I have made it work to my advantage and don’t let it get in the way of common sense and practicality.
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July 1st, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I just thought of something I wanted to add - Brice is right, living in a multicultural place helps tremendously. And I agree with Ayuko, planning is important.
As for long-term relationships, having a partner with an easily transferable profession helps - education, medicine (human or veterinary), organizational development, aviation, plant and soil sciences, musician (more than you might think - especially studio), artist, designer, etc.
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July 2nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
don’t worry too much. keep traveling and when someplace/someone worth settling for comes into your life, you’ll know and it will be natural. At least i hope!! I can’t stay in any place too long myself…..
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I have come to the conclusion, that the reason I feel the need to travel so much, is not because I need to see and visit other places (even though, it is something I greatly enjoy doing), but it’s mostly because I am searching for something specific.
Then the world would be the size of a village for me. Well…. not a village… but yeah… you get my meaning.
I’m searching for a place that has that right ‘blend’ of things, places, cultures, that I love from all over the world.
However, I’m never going to find a place that incorporates everything I love in the various countries I lived in.
My friends are not all suddenly going to move to some place, or Temple bar in Dublin and Far east plaza in Singapore are not suddenly going to appear side by side. The small hill my brother and I used to sleigh down during christmas in Luxembourg as kids, Tivoli in Copenhagen (AMAZING), Glatt and Bahnhoffstrasse in Zurich, Bakerzin(Yes, this shop deserves special interest. They have THE best oreo cheesecake I’ve ever had…*drool*) and Borders in Singapore,(anyone had those banana pancakes at the marriot?*more drool*) (Adore that place), Costes on Sentosa(Burgers..pizza…alio olio…), st stephens green park, dundrum. Or that last house we lived in in Zurich. My uncles house in Tipp, my grandparents place in Fyn, my fathers in Holland. All of the market places on local streets that I’ve been too.. and yeah, those I haven’t been too as well
These are only a very small amount of the places I would pick if I could make up my own home. Really, what I want, is instantaneous travel to any place
I am never satisfied with any place I travel too because I am searching for an impossible blend of places all together, a blend only I would ever want unless someone grew up with an extremely similar background to myself. In the end, I know what I am looking for, but I know I’m never going to find it. So I cope with that fact. I don’t know if I will ever find a place I can truly settle down in. But I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, and who knows. Maybe one day I will stop wondering.
I kinda doubt it though. I love the lifestyle too much.
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July 4th, 2008 at 12:53 am
If you love your lifestyle too much why change it? There are no rules saying we have to settle down in one place. That’s just another thing society has to say to people in general like:
1. You need to find a partner.
2. You need to get married.
3. You need to settle down.
4. You need to have children.
5. You need to go on holiday to some cool location.
6. etc
None of the above is really necessary is it? Unlike finding a job or finding some income source if you don’t have 10 million in the bank at your disposal?
So long as you manage to stay afloat - everyone should just keep doing what they like doing.
That’s my personal opinion.
If you like being single and traveling the world - why conform to societal pressures and ruin your life? And nobody has to travel when they’re on holiday unless they want to! Be a couch potato if that’s what you prefer….
There are enough people out there reproducing so I really wouldn’t worry about the human race dying out just because you didn’t do your bit.
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