How do you people stop the restlessness to move?
A question from Jorge, a TCK living in Mexico, who has given us the permission to post his question.
“How do you people stop the restlessness to move? I really would like to settle down somewhere and have some sort of stability in my life. To me it feels like once I have absorbed the “essence” of one place into my life, it’s enough and it’s time to move again, but at the same time I have some long-term goals (including a long-lasting relationship with somebody) that I think are incompatible with a high-mobility lifestyle. But then again, I feel like the driving force of my life becomes stagnant if I stay in one place for too long. Anyway, you all know what I’m talking about. How do you people cope with that or you just don’t?”
June 30th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Brice: I think what Jorge means with moves being incompatible with a long term relationship is that these days, both people in a relationship whether they are male or female have jobs.
It’s not easy for both people to find a nice job in a new location. Sometimes it’s even impossible for the other person to find work there.
Hence, it makes it much more troublesome than in the 1960s when one of the two was usually a housewife.
Is that what you mean, Jorge?
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June 30th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Here’s how I deal with restlessness.
(I’m not sure how useful this will be because my circumstances could be different than yours…)
Personally, I had enough of moving. A couple of years ago, I came to a point where building relationships and planting roots was more important than seeking novelty.
My priorities were clear. After I settled and found my “calling”, I had so many creative activities, things to do, places to go, that it’s now IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever get bored.
In fact, I have so many things to do, I could use a hand! Want to help me? haha
Besides, I don’t ever need to move, I can always take a vacation. It also helped to live in a multicultural neighborhood. And now, I really feel no restlessness at all.
If I were to give general guidelines and rules based on my personal situation, I would say:
1. Have clarity about what you truly want.
2. Follow rule #1
3. Find a way to get it.
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June 30th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Hi Greeneaglz,
I just saw your post. Great tips!
I guess it is imperative that you keep reinventing your “relationship” with the city in order for it not to go stale, like you said. That’s also why I don’t think I could live in a small city. I did once for a couple of years (wasn’t my choice), and although I was kinda cool at fist, there came a point where I couldn’t stand the widespread cultural homogeneity. To me it is really important that the city I choose to be in be big culturally rich/diverse so I will never run out of things to do/see. I guess in the end it just comes to a situation where you kinda have to toss a coin to decide where you wanna settle (well, not really toss a coin, but you know that by choosing this one you will be also be missing out on stuff from that one). But yeah, in teh end life is all about choices.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think decision-making is exactly one of the greatest gifts of TCKs.
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June 30th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Living in the countryside is usually not a good idea for a TCK.
“I was kinda cool at fist, there came a point where I couldn’t stand the widespread cultural homogeneity.” (Jorge)
They have a hard time accepting different ways to even make: Sangria! The only right way is to make it the way they do in their local area and they argue and argue…argh.
I had to sit there and listen to this girl from Antiquera rant and rave that this boy from Murcia who made Sangria with peaches and lemon was a nutcase and that one should put apples and oranges in it or something…
hehe
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June 30th, 2008 at 3:22 am
typo on my last post.. i meant:
you know, being the new kid who had come from abroad and all. hehehe
“… and although IT was kinda cool at first …”
but yeah, that too: I was also cool
Ayako,
Yeah, that’s what I meant. I just assumed both partners would have a job.
And yeah, it would be cool to meet other gay TCKs so should put us in touch. I’m on the “Third culture kids everywhere” group on facebook.
Brice,
Great triad of guideliness. The thing is, I want a bunch of things, but again, I don’t think some of them are compatible with each other :S Also, it’s not easy, since moving and seeing new things also makes you open your eyes and contemplate more possibilities. But yeah, it’s important to prioritize. I have to work on that. I guess the first thing I have to do is decide where I would like to settle. SCARY!
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June 30th, 2008 at 3:26 am
lol @ the sangria issue.
Damn, I’m craving a glass of sangria now.
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June 30th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Jorge: There is a reason why my dear friend is still single despite all his wonderful attributes and the fact that he does want a long term relationship. I know that if I even ask him to make a Facebook account and mention a ‘Jorge’ he’ll say: Is he guapo?
If I mentioned I knew a guy called Brice he’d ask the same question: Is he guapo?
In fact if I mention any male be it a friend or even my own boyfriend he’d ask the same question: Is he guapo?
I keep telling him that if he wants a long term relationship he has to stop being so shallow - but he never listens! lol
He’s not a shallow person in reality and is a very talented artist and one of the best hosts I can possibly think of (he makes sure all his guests are happy when they’re staying at his house), but he just can’t get over this ‘guapo’ thing!
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June 30th, 2008 at 7:04 am
And well, to all of this. Is he guapo?
*jokes*
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June 30th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Oh yeah. By the way. I’m writing from the airport right now. Keeping it real. TCK all the way!
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June 30th, 2008 at 7:23 am
No to stray away too far from the original post. Those of you who have managed to settle somewhere? How did you choose where to settle? Was it somewhere else you had lived before and you deemed it the best place to become rooted out of all the places you knew, or did you make one last move to a new place with the intention of settling there? If either case, what did you base your choice on? How did you come to the conclusion that that was the best place to settle in?
Cheers!
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