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How can TCKs deal with Depression
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My early experiences with Depression
We all get depressed at one time or another in our lifetime and its for this reason we need to know how to deal with depression when we are faced with it. The more difficult thing for TCK’s is that often they feel they have nobody to turn to when they are depressed or believe that nobody will understand their feelings or knows what they are going through.
I remember my first serious bout of depression. It was after moving to the second school since leaving Nigeria, Africa, the place I had treated as home for 14 years. Coming to England had been tough. At the time my parents were still out in Nigeria, I had been sent home earlier to be able to start the school year and the change in culture and the feelings of rejection and isolation were unbearable at times. The evenings were dark, the weather cold, no local knowledge. I stood out as someone strange with my tanned skin and leather school bag. Here I was, making friends yet again but missing my old friends terribly. Not really being aware of what I was really going through. Yes at the time I just had to get on with life, there was nobody to talk to and when my parents did come back from Africa, I am told I didn’t talk to them at all for quite a while.
I remember being desperately lonely at the time but at least I had my brothers when they came back. It was when I moved again to a new area and another school that the depression got a hold of me. I was so depressed at the time that I thought at times the only way I could get rid of the depression was to end it all somehow. After all, nobody really cared it seemed and at least those feelings would be gone. Fortunately this struggle never went as far as suicide or self harm. This struggle within me was addictive, yes in some ways I enjoyed feeling sorry for myself and the guilt of negative feelings and the “knowledge” that there was nobody who would understand me anyway if I was to tell them, encapsulated me into my own dark world.
Why I think it was difficult at the time for me was that I was also going through puberty, trying to get a sense of identity which had all but been stripped away. My previous life had been killed off and buried in an unmarked grave, all I had left was the photo album of memories in my head to remind me of that world. I never confided in anyone, not my parents, my brothers, nobody. I would have felt so guilty of admitting such feelings. Even now I feel guilty that I ever thought such thoughts.
So that was where I was and how I felt at the time. I was addicted to the negative feelings and the most dangerous thing about it all was I felt that there was nobody I could confide in about it.
These are some of the reasons why I think TCKs are more susceptible to feelings of depression and suicide. Nobody seems to understand, nobody seems to care, nobody to support them when it all seems too much to cope with.
Getting out and staying out the Cycle of Depression
OK, a bit of a disclaimer here, I do not pretend to be an expert on depression but follows are some of my suggestions and tips on the issue of depression.
1. Find out more about what you’re dealing with.
Firstly, do some research on Depression and find out a bit more about it, the symptoms the causes and the treatments. Get an idea of what you are dealing with, either for your depression or the depression of someone else.
Recommended sites:
http://www.depression.com/
http://www.samaritans.org/
2. Get a diagnosis and get help.
Secondly, find someone you can talk to about depression if you are suffering from it. Don’t think you have to tackle depression on your own. There was no internet when I was going through depression but nowadays there are user-groups, forums and resources available. Talk to your doctor, or someone who is able to help with depression. If your depression is severe, get some diagnosis if you can so you again know what you are dealing with. If you can, get more than one opinion too. Sometimes depression can have other causes than the circumstances you are in.
Signs of depression.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175/DSECTION=symptoms
3. If you don’t have depression but know someone who does, help them!
If you don’t suffer from depression but know someone who does, be there for them, support them, ask after them, try to give them a sense of worth. Find some professional help for them if you can. Sometimes getting them involved in something can help them to gain a sense of worth. Whatever you do, don’t blame the depression on them or be confrontational about it. Often just listening or visiting is all that someone needs to lift their spirits.
4. Try and lead a balanced lifestyle.
Often with depression it can lead to other problems and addictions. We sometimes resort to something, anything to try and take the pain away. As much as possible lead a balanced lifestyle, eat regularly, eat the right foods, get enough sleep. Do some exercise. Don’t use your depression as an excuse to make things worse for yourself. It may lead to even more depressed feelings if you find yourself addicted to alcohol or cigarettes etc, as you then struggle with multiple issues at the same time.
5. Find a way of expressing your feelings.
One way I cope with my feelings is to write poetry or do something creative. I found poetry was one of the best ways for me as I find it a bit tedious writing anything of great length, but that is me. Some people will find writing something longer helps them. It doesn’t have to be particularly good poetry or stories or drawings either. As long as you are finding an outlet for some of your feelings it helps. When you do write etc, often things can be a bit negative, try writing something positive too.
6. Try to change the way you think and talk.
Teach yourself to be more positive. Get involved in some activities and make some friends. If you are suicidal, give yourself reasons for living. Care for someone perhaps who is elderly by visiting them. Sponsor a child or family who are poor. Get a pet or something to look after. Do things that occupy your mind so you do not think about depression.
7. Write about your feelings or pray, if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about it.
Journal and write about your feelings. Writing about trauma has been shown to improve physical and emotional health. And if you are religious, learn to vocalise and express how you feel to God is better than keeping it all bottled up and talking to nobody at all. But don’t decide to blame God for your circumstances. What makes us more mature and a more stable character is not the circumstances that we are in, but how we have learned to cope with them. Remember, if we pray for patience; don’t be surprised if we have circumstances where we are required to be patient in! And if you are determined that you will not pray, just talk to yourself about it. Its the vocalising of your feelings etc that I am referring to. Remember to express your positive feelings as well as negative in your words so you have a balance. Continually dwelling on the negative will only make things worse.
8. Don’t be disheartened if it takes some time to get out of depression.
It can often pay a visit again so getting a good strategy in dealing with it is important. Always remember as well as the downs, there are ups. So try and give yourself an up or 2 a day to lift your spirits if you are felling a little low.
9. If you have a problem, admit it to yourself. Don’t try and cover it up by denying it.
Don’t try and lie about it to yourself. Say it as it is and decide to move on. Just remember sometimes when you working at getting out of depression it is a process, so you will have days when you make progress and days when you lapse into depression, yep it happens. So don’t put yourself down about it, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
10. Don’t try and punish yourself for your behaviour.
Be prepared to make mistakes (something I find very difficult is allowing myself to make mistakes) and decide you wont punish yourself for making them but will learn and move on. Apologise to those you may have offended or hurt and keep going.
Well, there are a few pointers for you. So you know, depression is temporary unless you feed it. It can be a medical problem, eg the amount of natural light levels! so get a good diagnosis. There is a way through if you make the effort. And above all, remember that you are not alone. Depression is a common problem and CAN be overcome. And yes, you will feel a little depressed now and then, thats a fact of life.
If you are feeling Depressed, suicidal or feel like harming yourself in some way, here are some resources you can use.
Or do a search on the web for more help.
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July 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Disclaimer:
This forum is NOT able to provide immediate crisis intervention or professional counseling.
You need to speak to a PROFESSIONAL who has the training and resources to offer IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY care.
Don’t wait. Don’t put it off. You need to pick up the phone and take action NOW!!
National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK — All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential.
Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.
WWW.HOPELINE.COM
WWW.YOUTHLINE.US
1-877-YOUTHLINE
1-877-SUICIDA
1-800-PPD-MOMS
1-877-VET2VET
1-800-442-HOPE
1-800-COPLINE
1-800 55 1800Kids (Help Line [for children under 18)
Argentina ~ 223-493-0430 ~ Argentinian Hotlines
Armenia ~ 2-538-194 or 2-538-197
Australia ~ 1-800-198-313 or 12-11-14 ~ Australian Hotlines
Austria ~ 142 or 01 713 33 74 ~ Austrian Hotlines
Barbados ~ 246-429-9999
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Chile ~ 22 10 10 or 21 01 43
China ~ 852-2382-0000 or 0800-810-1117 ~ China’s Hotlines
Costa Rica ~ 506-253-5439
Czech Republic ~ 602-246-102 or 241-432-466
Croatia ~ (01) 4833-888 ~ Croatian Hotlines
Cyprus ~ 357-77-77-72-67 or Military 2345 ~ Cyprian Hotlines
Cuba ~ 532 348 14 49
Denmark ~ 70-201-201 ~ Danish Hotlines
Egypt ~ 762-1602/3 or 762-2381
Estonia ~ 6-558-088 or 126 or 127 ~ Estonian Hotlines
Fiji ~ (0679) 670565 or (0679) 302998
Finland ~ 040-5032199 ~ Finnish Hotlines
France ~ 01-45-39-4000 or 01-46-21-4646 or (+33) (0)1-40-09-1522 ~ French Hotlines or Hotline in English
Germany ~ 0800-1110-111 or 0800 1110 222~ German Hotlines or Hotline in Russian
Ghana ~ 2332-444-71279 ~ Ghanan Hotline
Gibraltar ~ 55666 or Military 5666 to Samaritans
Greece: ~ 197 or 210-649-7706 or Queen Sophias 135 or 801 801 99 99 ~ Αμεση επικοινωνία
Guatemala ~ 502-254-1259
Holland ~ 0900-0767
Honduras ~ 504-237-3623
Hong Kong ~ +852 23820000 ~ Hong Kong’s Hotlines
Hungary ~ (62)-420-111 or (46) 323 888 ~ Hungarian Hotlines
India ~ 91-22-307-3451 or +91 (0) 44 2464 0050 ~ Indian Hotlines
Ireland ~ 1850 60 90 90 (ROI local rate) or +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate) ~ ROI Hotlines
Israel ~ 1201 or Tel from abroad: 972-9-8891333 ~ Israeli Hotlines
Israel (Hebrew/English)) ~ 09 8848332 ~ Hebrew/English Hotline
Israel (Russian) ~ 1800-24-1201 ~ Russian Israeli Hotline
Italy ~ 06-7045-4444 or 800 86 00 22 or 199 284 284 ~ Italian Hotlines
also German Language part of Italy (South Tyrol) 840-000-481
Jamaica ~ 977-5754 or 1 888 991 4505
Japan ~ 3-5286-9090 ~ Nippon Hotlines or Hotline in English
Liberia ~ 653-4308 ~ Liberian Hotline
Liechtenstein ~ 147
Lithuania ~ 8-800-2-8888 ~ Lithuanian Hotlines
Luxembourg ~ 45-45-45 (German)
Malaysia ~ 03-756-8144 or (06) 284 2500 ~ Malaysian Hotlines
Malta ~ 179 ~ Maltan Hotlines
Mauritius ~ 46-48-889 / 800-93-93 ~ Mauritius’ Hotlines
Mexico ~ 525-5 10 25 50 or 9 45 37 77 ~ Mexican Hotlines
Namibia ~ (09264) 61 23 2221 ~ Namibian Hotlines (various languages)
Netherlands ~ 0602 222 88 or 0900-0767 ~ Dutch Hotlines
New Zealand ~ 4-473-9739 or 0602 222 88
Nicaragua ~ 505-268-6171
Norway ~ 815-33-300 ~ Norwegian Hotlines
Paraquay ~ 021 663 187 or 0991 268 384 ~ Paraquay’s Hotlines
Philippines ~ (02) 8969191 or Mobile phone: 0917 854 9191
Poland ~ 52-70-000 or 52 70 988 ~ Polish Hotlines
Portugal ~ 239-72-10-10 or 112 ~ Portuguese Hotlines
Republic of Ireland ~ 1850-60-90-90 or see Ireland
Russia ~ 8-20-222-82-10 or (8202) 577-577
Samoa ~ 32000 ~ Somoan Hotline
Scotland ~ +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 or 08454 24 24 24 ~ Scottish Hotines
Shanghai ~ 021 6279 8990 ~ Shanghai’s Hotline
Singapore ~ 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309 ~ Singapore’s Hotlines
South Africa ~ 0861-322-322 or 051 444 5000 or 0861 322 322 ~ South African Hotlines
South Korea ~ 2-715/6/7/8-8600 or (local)-9191 or (82) 51 804 0896 ~ South Korean Hotlines
Spain ~ 91-459-00-50 ~ Spain’s Hotlines
Sri Lanka ~ 1-692-909 ~ Sri Lanken Hotlines
St. Vincent ~ 809-456-1044 or (784) 456 1044
Sudan ~ (249) 11-555-253
Sweden ~ 020 22 00 60 or 031-711-2400 ~ Swedish Hotlines
Switzerland ~ 143 or +41 (0) 27 321 21 21 ~ Switzerland Hotlines
Taiwan ~ (037) 332565 or 332621 ~ Taiwanese Hotlines
Thailand ~ 02-249-9977 or (02) 713-6793 ~ Thai Hotlines
Tonga ~ 23000 or 25144
Trinidad & Tobago ~ 868-645-2800
Turkey ~ 182
Ukraine ~ 058 or 0487-327715 or 0482-226565 ~ Ukrainian Hotlines
United Kingdom ~ 8457 90 90 90 or 8457 90 91 92 ~ U. K. Hotlines
United States ~ 911 ~ 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433 ~ Hotlines 1 ~ Hotlines 2 ~ State Hotlines
Misc.
~ En Español ~ 1-800-784-2432 (1-800-SUI-CIDA)
~ Veterans ~ 1-877-838-2838 (1-877-VET-2VET)
~ Youth ~ 1-877- 968-4843 (1-877-YOUTHGUIDE)
Uruguay ~ 0800 45 45/0800 84 83 (llamada gratuita) or 099 705 070/094 440 877 (cellular) ~ Uruguay’s Hotlines
Yugoslavia ~ 021-6623-393 or (044) 08080 ~ Yugoslavian Hotlines
Zimbawe ~ (9) 650 00 or 080 12 333 333 or (20) 635 59 ~ Zimbabawe’s Hotlines
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July 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
1-858-481-1515
National Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center
International treatment referrals and prevention information
edreferral@edreferral.com
1-800-931-2237
National Eating Disorders Association
International treatment referrals and information
4Therapy.com Network
Natioanal database of thousands of mental health professionals including psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and pastoral counselors.
1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)
1-800 THERAPIST Network
International mental health referral service
1-847-831-3438
Anorexia Nerovsa and Associate Disorders (ANAD)
Referrals to treatment and Information
1-800-RENFREW (1-800-736-3739) The Renfrew Center
Referrals to Eating Disorder specialists (US and Canada)
1-800-841-1515
Rader Programs
Referrals to Eating Disorder specialists (US and Canada)
1-505-891-4320
Overeater’s Anonymous
Referrals to local chapters and information
1-617-558-1881
Massachusetts Eating Disorder Association, Inc Helpline
Staffed by trained/supervised individuals.
M-Friday 9:30-5:00pm.
Wednesday evenings until 8:00pm
Adult Helpline: 011-44-8456-341414
Youthline: 011-44-8456-347650
Eating Disorders Association (UK)
Adult Helpline: (open 8:30 to 20:30 weekdays)
Youthline: (open 16:00 to 18:30 weekdays)
011-44-1458-448600
Somerset & Wessex Eating Disorders Association
Tuesday 4pm - 7pm, Wednesday 10am - 1pm, Friday 6pm - 8pm
1-314-588-1683
Bulimia and Self-Help Hotline
(24 hours crisis line)
011-44-2600366
The Eating Distress Helpline (Ireland)
Monday, Friday and Sunday, 6pm-8pm
1-800-969-NMHA (1-800-969-6642)
The National Mental Health Association Information Center
…will put you in touch with your local Mental Health Association, who will help you find community mental health services and self-help support groups.
1-800-950-NAMI
National Alliance for The Mentally Ill
1-773-327-1500 / 1-800-7-VOICE-8
VOICES in Action
An international organization to provide assistance to survivors of incest and child sexual abuse — if you need help or someone to talk to…
1-212-632-4640
Cult Hotline and Clinic
National and International support available 9am to 5pm (EST)
1-301-443-4513
National Institute for Mental Health
1-800-64-PANIC (1-800-647-2642)
Panic Disorder Information Line
Provides written information, and referral lists of counselers in local areas
1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)
Provides service for survivors of sexual assault who can not reach a rape crisis center through a local telephone call, as well as for those who might not know that a local center exists. Operates 24 hours
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
For the victims of domestic violence, their families and friends across the U.S. — Crisis intervention, referrals, information and support in many languages.
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
Child-Help USA
National Child Abuse hotling offering crisis counseling for children or adult survivors 24 hours a day. Also offers referrals for sexual abuse treatment programs, reporting suspected child abuse, shelters, advocacy, mental health, and legal aid. Literature on prevention of child abuse available upon request.
1-800-821-4357
Alcohol and Drug Hotline
Treatment Centers and AA Support Groups
1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357)
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline
Providing information on alcohol and drug abuse, local treatment options and to speak with someone about alcohol, drug or family problems.
1-800-331-2900
Alcohol Hotline
1-800-435-7609
Help Now hotline
1-800-999-9999
Covenant House Nine Line
24-hour support, assistance and referrals for teens in crisis.
1-800-621-4000
National Adolescent Suicide Hotline
(Answered by the runaway switchboard)
1-800-643-6250
Sexual Assault Crisis Line
A national 24-hour hotline located in Mississippi, that can provide support and refer you to a crisis center locally.
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Self-Injury Help by S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends)
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July 15th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Samaritans:
If you need to talk to someone on the phone:
08457 90 90 90 in the UK and Northern Ireland
1850 60 90 90 in the Republic of Ireland
Find it impossible to talk about your problems?
Then don’t.
Email Samaritans now:
jo@samaritans.org
Prefer putting pen to paper?
Write to Samaritans:
Chris,
P.O. Box 90 90,
Stirling,
FK8 2SA
For more information:
http://www.samaritans.org.uk/talk_to_someone.aspx
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July 15th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I just want to say, from personal experience there is no better person to get you out of a bout of depression than yourself.
Identify what it is that you’re feeling bad about, identify why you feel that way, and what you really can do to fix it.
Quite often, we’re the ones holding ourselves back. You have to try and find a line at which you stop and say “Okay, cut the crap, I have to stop feeling sorry for myself and tripping myself up deeper into trouble and just start pulling up.”
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July 15th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Some literature explaining how people who have been suicidal for some time are like victims of PTSD:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ptsd.htm
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July 15th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Wow… I looked at the list and surprisingly i found that they were the exact things I did to recover from depression.
boy am i ever glad there’s no “talk to your parents/friends”. UM no, last thing I would do.
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July 16th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Sadly our society is dysfunctional because usually for suicidal people the worst thing is to talk to friends or family, because the suicidal urge usually even comes partially because of them.
You have a problem that’s overwhelming you and you can’t deal with it. Family and friends say things to make this problem worse because they either don’t have time to listen and are apathetic or just tell you to deal with it (when you clearly have shown you can’t!).
Alternatively friends and family simply have no time to listen to the suicidal or depressed person because they are busy dealing with their own problems.
We have all these suicide hotlines in this world, so that someone will LISTEN to you when your friends and family fail you.
We can’t really choose our own family but I hope that people can make friends with people who are willing to be a little more than just fair weather friends and will listen to you when you need them to.
If not, call the suicide hotline. Talking can be very therapeutic.
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July 16th, 2008 at 6:11 am
you know what’s funny? My super Chinese parents always say something like this.
“Why do them crazy western people trust other people than their own family? WHy they pay for everything? When they are sad they pay for someone to talk to, why would they even trust them more?”
I am thinking…”wow I can’t believe you even have the guts to say that…considering how BAD and JUDGMENTAL a LISTENER YOU ARE.”
Family…sure… I hate it when people tell you family is above anything else because to be quite honest,that’s not the point! THe point is they don’t get it, they drive me insane, they don’t listen therefore I DON’T talk to THEM, and I don’t care if they are important because that doesn’t mean I should break my own mentality and go talk to them.
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July 16th, 2008 at 6:37 am
mmmmmm, yeah, I have it a *little* the same way. My family really isn’t bad about it, but more traditional Asian parents do just tend to assume that family is the core of everything.
The important thing, I find, is to really identify what any individual is good at, family or not. It could well be that your family is a good source of advice, but it might not. And maybe these numbers stink and don’t take you as a person into account the way a close friend or family member might.
You just have to judge things on an individual basis.
Believe me though, I know where you’re coming from when it comes to Asian parents who, despite lots of trouble with their own family not understanding them, insist that they will for you.
Just never make assumptions, that’s my rule.
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July 16th, 2008 at 9:54 am
meh…I don’t know. I think for my generation of Chinese children it’s more difficult than ever. CUz my parents were born during like cultural revolution and stuff and i don’t know…Their ideas of life is way more simplistic even though they don’t believe the fact that we are so much more complicated than they are. But yah, my generation is like the first rebellion generation in CHinese history just because of the fact that we are born at the beginning of the economical boom. Then the fact that I got sent off all over the world to become a TCK just made it 100 times more difficult.
Yah my school suggested that I go get diagnosis cuz I have a lot of symptoms of ADD and other weird things…I love how they wanted to contact my parents except I had to proofread their letter before they sent it off because honestly they have no idea how to talk to Chinese parents without making them freak out. I remember the principal reading the letter. I just jumped out of my chair going like “NO!!” I think she began the letter with sumthing like “Mary is a very bright, smart blahblahblah…” Then I was like… Ergh no don’t say all that, because Chinese parents don’t buy it, their immediate reaction to these complements is, “Ok, what have you done wrong? What favor do you need?”
So I told them to get right to the point and just don’t say all the artificial polite stuff because they will simply understand these comments as a way to confound them.
in the end i did get a diagnosis. still haven’t got the result but my mom is still all “These people spend so much money on useless things.”
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