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How can TCKs deal with Depression
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My early experiences with Depression
We all get depressed at one time or another in our lifetime and its for this reason we need to know how to deal with depression when we are faced with it. The more difficult thing for TCK’s is that often they feel they have nobody to turn to when they are depressed or believe that nobody will understand their feelings or knows what they are going through.
I remember my first serious bout of depression. It was after moving to the second school since leaving Nigeria, Africa, the place I had treated as home for 14 years. Coming to England had been tough. At the time my parents were still out in Nigeria, I had been sent home earlier to be able to start the school year and the change in culture and the feelings of rejection and isolation were unbearable at times. The evenings were dark, the weather cold, no local knowledge. I stood out as someone strange with my tanned skin and leather school bag. Here I was, making friends yet again but missing my old friends terribly. Not really being aware of what I was really going through. Yes at the time I just had to get on with life, there was nobody to talk to and when my parents did come back from Africa, I am told I didn’t talk to them at all for quite a while.
I remember being desperately lonely at the time but at least I had my brothers when they came back. It was when I moved again to a new area and another school that the depression got a hold of me. I was so depressed at the time that I thought at times the only way I could get rid of the depression was to end it all somehow. After all, nobody really cared it seemed and at least those feelings would be gone. Fortunately this struggle never went as far as suicide or self harm. This struggle within me was addictive, yes in some ways I enjoyed feeling sorry for myself and the guilt of negative feelings and the “knowledge” that there was nobody who would understand me anyway if I was to tell them, encapsulated me into my own dark world.
Why I think it was difficult at the time for me was that I was also going through puberty, trying to get a sense of identity which had all but been stripped away. My previous life had been killed off and buried in an unmarked grave, all I had left was the photo album of memories in my head to remind me of that world. I never confided in anyone, not my parents, my brothers, nobody. I would have felt so guilty of admitting such feelings. Even now I feel guilty that I ever thought such thoughts.
So that was where I was and how I felt at the time. I was addicted to the negative feelings and the most dangerous thing about it all was I felt that there was nobody I could confide in about it.
These are some of the reasons why I think TCKs are more susceptible to feelings of depression and suicide. Nobody seems to understand, nobody seems to care, nobody to support them when it all seems too much to cope with.
Getting out and staying out the Cycle of Depression
OK, a bit of a disclaimer here, I do not pretend to be an expert on depression but follows are some of my suggestions and tips on the issue of depression.
1. Find out more about what you’re dealing with.
Firstly, do some research on Depression and find out a bit more about it, the symptoms the causes and the treatments. Get an idea of what you are dealing with, either for your depression or the depression of someone else.
Recommended sites:
http://www.depression.com/
http://www.samaritans.org/
2. Get a diagnosis and get help.
Secondly, find someone you can talk to about depression if you are suffering from it. Don’t think you have to tackle depression on your own. There was no internet when I was going through depression but nowadays there are user-groups, forums and resources available. Talk to your doctor, or someone who is able to help with depression. If your depression is severe, get some diagnosis if you can so you again know what you are dealing with. If you can, get more than one opinion too. Sometimes depression can have other causes than the circumstances you are in.
Signs of depression.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175/DSECTION=symptoms
3. If you don’t have depression but know someone who does, help them!
If you don’t suffer from depression but know someone who does, be there for them, support them, ask after them, try to give them a sense of worth. Find some professional help for them if you can. Sometimes getting them involved in something can help them to gain a sense of worth. Whatever you do, don’t blame the depression on them or be confrontational about it. Often just listening or visiting is all that someone needs to lift their spirits.
4. Try and lead a balanced lifestyle.
Often with depression it can lead to other problems and addictions. We sometimes resort to something, anything to try and take the pain away. As much as possible lead a balanced lifestyle, eat regularly, eat the right foods, get enough sleep. Do some exercise. Don’t use your depression as an excuse to make things worse for yourself. It may lead to even more depressed feelings if you find yourself addicted to alcohol or cigarettes etc, as you then struggle with multiple issues at the same time.
5. Find a way of expressing your feelings.
One way I cope with my feelings is to write poetry or do something creative. I found poetry was one of the best ways for me as I find it a bit tedious writing anything of great length, but that is me. Some people will find writing something longer helps them. It doesn’t have to be particularly good poetry or stories or drawings either. As long as you are finding an outlet for some of your feelings it helps. When you do write etc, often things can be a bit negative, try writing something positive too.
6. Try to change the way you think and talk.
Teach yourself to be more positive. Get involved in some activities and make some friends. If you are suicidal, give yourself reasons for living. Care for someone perhaps who is elderly by visiting them. Sponsor a child or family who are poor. Get a pet or something to look after. Do things that occupy your mind so you do not think about depression.
7. Write about your feelings or pray, if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about it.
Journal and write about your feelings. Writing about trauma has been shown to improve physical and emotional health. And if you are religious, learn to vocalise and express how you feel to God is better than keeping it all bottled up and talking to nobody at all. But don’t decide to blame God for your circumstances. What makes us more mature and a more stable character is not the circumstances that we are in, but how we have learned to cope with them. Remember, if we pray for patience; don’t be surprised if we have circumstances where we are required to be patient in! And if you are determined that you will not pray, just talk to yourself about it. Its the vocalising of your feelings etc that I am referring to. Remember to express your positive feelings as well as negative in your words so you have a balance. Continually dwelling on the negative will only make things worse.
8. Don’t be disheartened if it takes some time to get out of depression.
It can often pay a visit again so getting a good strategy in dealing with it is important. Always remember as well as the downs, there are ups. So try and give yourself an up or 2 a day to lift your spirits if you are felling a little low.
9. If you have a problem, admit it to yourself. Don’t try and cover it up by denying it.
Don’t try and lie about it to yourself. Say it as it is and decide to move on. Just remember sometimes when you working at getting out of depression it is a process, so you will have days when you make progress and days when you lapse into depression, yep it happens. So don’t put yourself down about it, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
10. Don’t try and punish yourself for your behaviour.
Be prepared to make mistakes (something I find very difficult is allowing myself to make mistakes) and decide you wont punish yourself for making them but will learn and move on. Apologise to those you may have offended or hurt and keep going.
Well, there are a few pointers for you. So you know, depression is temporary unless you feed it. It can be a medical problem, eg the amount of natural light levels! so get a good diagnosis. There is a way through if you make the effort. And above all, remember that you are not alone. Depression is a common problem and CAN be overcome. And yes, you will feel a little depressed now and then, thats a fact of life.
If you are feeling Depressed, suicidal or feel like harming yourself in some way, here are some resources you can use.
Or do a search on the web for more help.
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July 27th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Japan and Korea have one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Suicide number per 100 000 population among OECD countries, year 2004 or latest:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide
Suicide is the fourth cause of death in South Korea. A government report released at the end of 2006 stated that South Korea’s suicide rate was the highest among the members of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) in 2005. The report highlighted that the high suicide rate is a reflection of changing and conflicting gender roles, economic hardship and domestic violence. In 2005, 26.1 out of every 100,000 South Koreans committed suicide, a dramatic increase from 11.8 people in 1995.
http://english.ohmynews.com/articleview/article_view.asp?at_code=390145
1 Flag of Lithuania Lithuania 70.1 14.0 40.2 2004
2 Flag of Belarus Belarus 63.3 10.3 35.1 2003
3 Flag of Russia Russia 61.6 10.7 34.3 2004
4 Flag of Kazakhstan Kazakhstan 51.0 8.9 29.2 2003
5 Flag of Hungary Hungary 44.9 12.0 27.7 2003
6 Flag of Guyana Guyana 42.5 12.1 27.2 2003
7 Flag of South Korea South Korea[20][21] N/A N/A 26.1 2005
8 Flag of Slovenia Slovenia 37.9 13.9 25.6 2004
9 Flag of Latvia Latvia 42.9 8.5 24.3 2004
10 Flag of Japan Japan 35.6 12.8 24.0 2004
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July 27th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Something I find shocking:
“Dr. Daniel Fisher, an American psychiatrist, recently visited South Korea at the invitation of the National Human Rights Commission. His observations gleaned from the trip, which he included on his Web site, are telling: “South Korea is still operating the type of institution-based system seen in the U.S. 40 years ago,” he wrote. According to Fisher, people labeled with mental illness in South Korea are treated as an extreme underclass.
He visited Yongin Hospital on the outskirts of Seoul and was shocked by what he saw. The model of psychiatry practiced in South Korea reflects the hierarchy of Confucianism, essentially meaning that the father has the power to admit members of his family as he sees fit — one wife was admitted for two months for changing her religion; one young man was in for a year for yelling at his father.”
At a public rally to mourn one of these victims and to protest the pressure-cooker conditions forced upon them in high school, 400 students and supporters cheered one student’s speech: “We are not studying machines. We are just teenagers.”
http://english.hani.co.kr/arti/english_edition/e_national/158160.html
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July 28th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 6:35 am
I am actually shocked that people can still do that. Especially in Korea, I did not imagine the situation to be so stringent and traditional as that. =/
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July 28th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 7:01 am
not too shocked…but tat’s depressing…SIGH
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July 28th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 9:57 am
If you had to commute on this everyday you’d want to die too.
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July 28th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 10:44 am
OMG. @_@
LOL
watch this video guys.
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July 28th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 4:27 pm
this makes me wonder if all these people were made out of play doh
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