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Hello everybody :)
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Hello everybody,
You have no idea…(what am I saying…you do) what a relief it is to know that I am not the only freak running around in a world that I don’t understand and that seems no to understands me, but that my issues are real and belong to many other people in similar situations. I apologize in advance for I don tend ramble…so this is probably going to big quite long, but please do bear with me 
My name is Priscilla Jemila Modesti, I am 27 years old. Both my parents are Argentinean, born and bred in Argentina, both white. I was born in 1980 in northern Nigeria, in the city of Kaduna, and so was my sis.
My parents divorced in 1987 and my father moved to another city 200km, the then newly built capital Abuja. The divorce it self wasn’t sooooooo traumatic, we still saw him on weekends and thing proceed quite smoothly. My childhood years were blissful, I had my friends, my cats, our dogs, our huge garden with radiant trees, my life was like a Kellogg’s add…divorce and all.I need to point out something before I proceed in the tedious story of my life
My father is the son and grandson of Italian immigrants, he had huge issues with the whole Argentine identity thing (quite unusual for his time, seeing that Argentina is made of immigrants) so he didn’t allow my mom to teach us spanish, he never ever brought us to Argentina on holidays, he didn’t allow us to listen to music in Spanish…NOTHING…so frankly Argentina to me was as home as china could have been.
Going back to my story, in 1988 my mom decided that we should leave Nigeria, seeing that at that time there wasn’t really good schooling for expat kids (because that is what I was unfortunately) beyond my age, most of my friends were being prepared to go off to boarding school. So I spent an entire year at home learning Spanish.
The horrible date finally arrived, when i had to leave my beloved nanny, my cats (that had a horrible end, because my dad couldn’t be bothered to take care of them), my dog, my house…and off course my dad, who stayed over, who is still there.The plan was to go to Spain, my fathers business partner is Spanish and they were thinking of opening a branch over there. We were supposed to see him 2 o 3 times a year.
As the saying goes, if you want to make God laugh, make plans….Well, the week after we left, my dad lost his job…long story…so we were left penniless in the middle of Madrid, my mom was going thru severe depression, and I was taking care of my sis…it was the WORST time of my life. I think partly it was very traumatic because my life had been very safe and comfortable, suddenly we had nothing.
My father scratched a few pennies together and packed us off to Argentina, were a further miserable years followed, one because we were very tight with money, my fathers family was horrible to us (my grand dad had multiple sclerosis, so he couldn’t help), my mom is adopted and her family is horrible. so we were all alone, my mom’s depression continued for a further couple of years. I was a mess, so was my sis, we didn’t see my dad for the first 2 years, and then 1 a year (I cannot tell you what that did to our relationship) My mother asked advice to a child psychologist she was seeing and she recommended us leaving to look for a better future.
So off we went to Italy 1994, my mom and I, my sis went to Nigeria to be with my dad (she and my mom had a lot of issues) she was supposed to stay a year, but my dad decided to send her to us after only 5 months.Things seemed to improve when we were there, we were in small village that my mother had worked in back in 85/86 (because, believe me, this is the abridge version of things)I started school with my poor Italian, made friends, things started to look up, my mom was completely out of depression, my sister joined us and things looked good for the first time in years.
After six months I started having issues with school, I couldn’t get up in the morning, couldn’t study, couldn’t concentrate. I finally dropped out of school after a few months my mom got me to a therapist where I was diagnosed with depression, it took me 4 looooong years of therapy to come out of it by the end of it, the resolution was that I had fallen into depression due to the fact that the loss of Nigeria had been so traumatic and Argentina had been the only thing I could hold on to, when I left that my mom just couldn’t cope anymore. The only thing left for me to do was to go back to Nigeria.
So after many trials and tribulations, over a year long with my dad being an asshole the entire time we finally convinced him to allow us back. It was 1998, I was in a serious relationship…does it happen to you guys to, life moves at a different speed, everything is quicker and more serious faster, and the best things happen when you are just about to leave?!!!!Anywayz, I am not sure how, I convinced my parents and my boyfriend to move to Nigeria with me (you must take into account that he was 21, Italian and very attached to his momma) well, after a few months of tribulations he finally came down to Nigeria, were he stayed only a couple of months and left and broke my heart and it took me 6 years to recover (I get attached to people in an almost psycho form :))…
My experience in Nigeria was tainted by my failed relationship, by the fact that my dad made sure that things were as tough and unpleasant as possible, but I believe they were mostly tainted by the fact that i had gone back expecting to find myself as I was, before I left…but I know now that is impossible.I managed to finish my secondary school studies, got my O and A levels, and I was 20 and needed to leave to study, my dad wouldn’t let (he had the financial power) me go to South Africa to study said it was to dangerous…wouldn’t let me go to Egypt. England was out of the question, my options were Italy (were I had sworn I wouldn’t go back) or Argentina, and my memories were very unhappy.
So I decided to go to Lebanon (my friends were mostly Lebanese and they had influenced me greatly). Leaving Nigeria wasn’t so tough, somehow… you get used to it…it hurts all the time, so you don’t feel it anymore.Jannuary 2000 Lebanon was good, unfortunately EVERYBODY in Beirut has a cousin a brother or they themselves were born, had lived somewhere in West Africa, which made moving only nearly impossible…after a few months my heart started aching again.
My mom and my sis had been with me all along, soemhow following me thru my aches and pains, and “my search…”
I finished my pottery and jewelry studies and after almost 3 years I was on the move again.This time to South Africa, I had become very good friends with this south African guy, we wrote 3 or 4 times a week 7/8 pages long emails, talking about ourselves, music, movies, culture and what have you, he had told me so much about SA, that I took a chance and left Lebanon without telling my dad, Sept 2002.
My friend picked me up at the airport, I stayed at his grams house, well a year to the day I arrived to SA we were married
I won’t go into details, but again we left (my mom by then had joined us and my sis was in Argentina).
So since Dec. 2003 we have been here.Maybe I should have written more about how I have been coping thru the years with my TCKness but I felt I should tell you my story.
I know that it comes across that I am very angry at my dad, and it is more so now, because his annual visit ended 4 days ago so all my issues which lay dormant for most of the year were reawoken, and haven’t gone to sleep yet.
I love my dad dearly and I think that is what makes it so difficult, and he loves us to bits and pieces.
My family dynamic is funny, my mom myself and my sis are like a pack, us against the world, it has been tough on my husband but I think he has managed quite nicely
Please do let know what you think. I am sorry to have kept you so long and thanks for having read it trough, sorry for my slight dyslexia, it sometimes makes reading my stuff difficult
Thank you all
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January 14th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Welcome to TCKid.com Jemila! Wow thanks for sharing your story! You have been through so much! I’m so happy you can be with us today feeling much better
You sound very happy after all that you’ve gone through 
Hope to catch you more on here or in the chatroom
Here is your LOLcat picture for your intro:
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January 15th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Thanx Cynthia, sorry for being so intense, maybe a bit to much, but I never had anybody outside of my family to share with
and it is such a relief to able to share 
I am chuffed to have found you
Lots of love
Jemz
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January 15th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Sometimes it’s good to know the whole story if because then you have a better understanding of the context of why a person feels, behaves and says things
Thank you for sharing your story and I hope some nicer things are in store for you in 2008!
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January 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
That’s quite a story! So many TCKs tend to be from families where their parents were in some important position or whatever, that it’s fascinating to hear it happen a different way…
In any case, I hope life is going well over there and welcome to the site!
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January 16th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hi Jemz
Welcome to TCKid! I’m glad you joined our site! You’ll find lots of “freaks” running around here too
And thanks for sharing your story, I’m sure it already helped a lot.
You sure have gone through some rough times!
I suggest you read the TCK book (the one that has the cover in our ‘home’ page) in case you haven’t already. It really helps because it explains all the things you’ve been through, with the TCK-experience perspective.
It helped me a lot.
I also had to go through therapy after some rough things that happened in my life (see my intro and the “are we all wierdos?” post).
Threapy did help me, but the TCK book touched on the issues right on the spot.
My issues were so much clearer after I read it, and it’s been easier to work on them now.
Well, this is just a suggestion.
Hope you have a good time here!
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January 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Don’t worry about ranbling here. I tend to do that - A LOT. so you’re not alone
welcome to tckid, and thanks for sharing your story. Hey, you’re definitely not alone here.
Well, sometimes it’s hard leaving and going to a new very different place eh, but we just gotta look at it like its a good thing.. somehow haha.
I really am not a good person to give advices.. LOL, try uncle dan.
Well, welcome once again, and enjoy!
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January 17th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Thanks to all you guys for the warmest welcome
I’m glad I joined, hope to talk soon
Jemz
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January 17th, 2008 at 11:35 am
hi Jemila! Welcome to tckid!
I heard you’re writing a children’s book? Yay! We have another artist here!
I made a few TCK comics, they’re on tckd - I’m not very good at it so I’d love to know what you think.
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January 18th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Hiya brice,
sorry but you are going to have to spell it out for me…where are you comics? I don’t know on which page am I supposed to look for the link
Thanks for your patience
Jemz
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