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General relationship friends and boy/girl friends
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Maybe this is the main reason for I signed up this community. I needed something special comments that can be done only by the same TCKs. Honestly, My friends are mostly TCKs, though we’re not really aware of if we’re TCKs. In such circumstances, having this kind of problem, even to me, seems absurd and stupid. But I’m still gonna write this, for I still need help.
first of all, I move a lot. Even in the same country, I moved quite a bit. In such a case, I find myself no problem being friends with people I met. However, as far as I know, even TCK, or my friends, tend to stay with in a certain group whenever they go. For those of you who experienced high school in America, you’ll probably figure out that there are many communities and groups of people in one school. Mostly my friends tend to stay within one group and extends their relationships. For me, it’s kind of hard job. I tend to go around groups. It is the fastest way to extend your relationship within the school, but it contains too much negative effects. the significant negative effect is you’re not able to become somewhat close friends. I mean, you just know their name, but that’s it. it’s not like you can become close as much as you can add him/her on AIM or facebook.
One of my best friends and I came back to US around the same time, maybe he came a month later. we’ve stayed in the same area, about 40 minutes long. 2 years later, relationships I built in my town could not be compared to that of my friend’s. He became a leader of his group and his relationship with people was outstanding. At that time, I had had couple of friends and some groups of people, but they weren’t even considered close friends. when I hung out with these groups, I felt being an outsider.
even job status, he easily became close friends with people in his job. when he left his town, people in his community hold a party for him. He is the guy who is being loved by everyone.
He is the guy who stayed within one group. He attracts people.
In addition, many of my TCK friends use facebook as a communication tool. But I don’t really do these things. Main reason is when I look up the facebook, I rather feel lonely. they’re communicating, but it seems so hard for me to get into their world.
I’m different than many of my friends, even my best friend. Honestly, sometimes I’m sick of listening my friend telling about how gorgeous his relationship is.
I know I’m quite lonely. I know I should change. But I like to go around. I like to go around groups. I want to have a successful relationship as my friend does. I want my friends to call me and ask me to hang out, want to be loved by my friends, want to be a leader among my friends. I want my friends to talk to me whenever I sign in MSN Messenger. I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I’m sick of seeing my friends communicating happily while I’m being an outsider, feeling alone.
Ironically, all people whom I consider best friends are the people I want to be.
However, I can’t be them. I want to be a person I dream through my way.
Please leave any comments. I really need help
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May 23rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
I have to agree with MsMerising on this one! I have learned over time that even those who seem to have it all–popularity and money–are often times very insecure people.
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May 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
hey you…. don’t be sad! You should find people left on campus and go sand boarding again.
or get on skype so we can chat.
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May 24th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
don’t worry. every one goes through this. I also group hopped in highschool and graduated with 3 good friends who I still keep in contact with. Funny thing is, all four of us ( me and my friends) came out of really different groups. Em, was from a small private christian school, very conservative but non the less crazy. Nik, an am amazingly flamboyant red head. Stan, a skater turned musician and then me, a weird 1/2 German nomad. lol. we are a very odd group, but somehow it works. But it didn’t work until the last year of HS. I was not really established with them or my self until my senior year. My brother on the other hand was very popular from the start…. the transition seemed so much easier for him. I just didn’t get it! But now I realize that all those lonely times just made me realize how strong I can be. These times will only make you stronger… and although you and your friend may both be TCK, you are two probably very different individuals. Different situations bring out new qualities in people, maybe this move to the states is just one of those situations. You will be okay, just remember not to change because you want to fit it. Just keep group hopping eventually the right people will come along, even if it takes 3 years. Stay strong:-)
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May 24th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Lauren,
I would like to thank you for this comment. I can agree with many points you’ve made. For me during high school, it wasn’t until senior year that I started to have closer friends but you know what…these friends I met outside of school in a Christian setting. They are not TCKs but kept me good company. It was very hard to take friendship to the next level though because of low self-esteem built up during the previous years. I learned that social skills don’t improve right away and it takes time which could be frustrating and provoke doubts but because of this growing process your life will never be the same
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June 6th, 2008 at 4:57 am
I can understand where you’re coming from with this. I used to hang out with lots of groups. In a sense, I still do. When I moved to a country that I thought I was going to stay in for the rest of my life, I started to move around groups quite a bit. I had my best friends and my close friends, but for some reason, I just started needing to meet more people. I was probably feeling withdrawal symptoms now that I think about it. XD But now that I’ve moved again, I tend to stick to one group, probably because I feel that I know enough different groups already in other countries. But it has affected me slightly. The groups I hang out with now- while they are good friends, I doubt I can ever truly see them as close friends, or even best friends, even though I know that some of them do see me as a very close friend. I think what’s strange is that even though they think this, they can also sense me distancing myself from them! And I see nothing wrong with moving between groups, but what you perhaps need to do is to ensure that you get back to those groups from time to time. Talk to them, maybe be a little more extroverted. Those friends will be amazing ones later on. =)
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June 30th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Hmmm I am pretty sure this is just a phase.
Someday your inner self would tell you, “THIS IS IT! I am BREAKING the nervous layer!”
yah that’s what happened to me.
becuase in the end I just realize…you know what, I have only so little time here, I either screw it up or make it the best I can. Doing nothing=definitely screwing it up. Doing something=A huge change that it will be a blast.
How do you get to this stage? When you get way too sick of your loneliness…You will naturally break, I hope. =)
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