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Do you ever want to get married just to not be lonely?
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I do. I know it’s weird, but as enriching as my TCK experience has been, it has left me with my best friends living on the other side of the Atlantic. I do have friends here where I live–don’t want to play the victim here—but I dont have a *best* friend that I can call and see every day or a person that I tell everything to…You know, to be at the top of someone’s list. Sometimes I think that the only solution to my loneliness is to find that soul mate and lifelong companion who will go anywhere with me and always be available. I not only have a need to receive love, but also to give it. I think it’s weird that I even think about marriage, because most people my age around here (I’m 21) see it as a really far-off thing, and I, who am probably better educated than the average person and should, statistically, want to marry later and do *sooo* many things before tying the knot (but alone?), just want to find a man to sweep me off my feet and become my home. Could this longing be a result of having lost so many people over the last 11 years that I’ve spent moving around?
Wow—I’m really not a corny person, regardless of what this post may tell you. And sorry about the italics–I can’t seem to get rid of them.
Edit by Cynthia 7/25/08: Italics removed 
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July 25th, 2008 at 9:01 am
First off, keep in mind I’m only 18 and probably do not know enough about life to be a credible source for information on this one. However, I do feel more mature in some senses than other people my age and the relationship area is one of them.
Although I’m not ready for it now, marriage and starting a family is something I’d like to do in the near future (i.e. early 20’s). Ever since a year or so ago, it suddenly didn’t seem so far away. I don’t think I want to get married because I’m lonely though, I think I want to because I’ve always seen it in my future and have wanted to since before I moved anywhere.
All this presuming I find the right person. I won’t settle for someone that doesn’t live up to my standards just to have someone there. The guy I’m with now is everything I’ve ever dreamed off. He did sweep me off my feet. Between the time I moved back to Canada and the time I met him (about a year and a half), I always felt to empty and just totally like I didn’t fit here. I didn’t belong at all, I was so out of place all the time. He totally filled that gap though and he is really all I need. He is willing to (actually, he really wants to) move anywhere with me whenever I want to/we can. He is the “best” friend I always lacked. We always tell each other everything, see each other any time, do new things together and never ever run out of things to talk about. I swear if we could stay awake for our entire lives and just talk 24 hours a day, we wouldn’t run out of things to talk about once. I would LOVE to be with him the rest of my life, so long as our bond stays strong enough. I’m not ready to make the “lifelong” decision yet, obviously, but he means the world to me and I can definitely picture him as my husband and the father of my children in the future. But only time will tell.
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July 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
It’s easy to get married (Vegas comes to mind); it’s another story to BE married.
Remember, loneliness comes and goes depending on life’s circumstances; being married is a life-long commitment and responsibilities.
It’s better to feel very lonely rather than being chained to a person for the wrong reasons and feel even more trapped and lonely. So think twice.
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July 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
hiya
I think I am going to risk sounding old (at least older than I am
) with what I’ll say 
I married quite young, 22 years old, my hubby was 23 at the time, we were living together for a couple of months, we were planning our lives together and decided to give into some family pressure (on his side) and got married.
I will not say I regret it, because it isn’t true, but we both agree that things might have been easier had we waited a couple of years.
We both needed some more growing up to do. Personal growth at that, the type that is very difficult to do when you are married, without growing apart.
I read somewhere a statement that said you shouldn’t get married before the age of 28, because only around that age are you comfortable with who you are and where you are at in life (as far a personal growth goes, goals in life, etc), of course this counts for normal people not us
I am not sure I’ll ever be truly comfortable with certain things, but my age (27) has allowed me to view things with more maturity and ease.
I was in a serious relationship with someone from the age of 17/19, we were thinking of getting married…we split up and it tore me to pieces…partly because I didn’t have the emotional maturity to allow me to put things into perspective (added to it was my TCK emotional damage package
), so please I ask you for caution. Making such a commitment at such a young age could be devastating, at least in my experience.
You should also bear in mind that you should be with someone because they make you happy and you enjoy them, not because they complete you…you should be whole by yourself…you should never “need” them, in the sense you are with him because you want to, not need to, becuase if you do that you are giving the power of your happiness to someone else, the responsibility as well, and that is hefty load to carry.
Think well about this decision because it is one of the most important decision you will ever make, marriage changes everything, and it takes a lot of work, every day, no breaks
, even when you have found “the love of your life” it takes work…off course it is all worth it, when it’s right 
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July 25th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Wow—this subject has really got people talking. I’m surprised! You’re all right: you can’t really expect one person to fill all the voids in your life…Oh, but it’s so tempting to think that meeting *the one* can make everything all right
I guess I’m just inexperienced when it comes to love and just have very high expectations.
Thank you, Brice, for those links. I will definitely take a look. I really liked the article about the inner child you gave us the link to on Cynthia’s post. My inner child needs some serious resuscitation, because I liked myself a lot more back then.
Good night everyone
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July 25th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Ask Brice…I was musing on this a few months ago.
Than recently I realized though I would like to have someone to share life with, I don’t necessarily want to get married. In fact, I would prefer to keep seperate residences and lives but share our lives.
A marriage built out of need and fantasy will break you heart. So I recommend you get your ish in order and if you meet a superb individual go for it - because you should know better than anyone a good thing is hard to find
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July 27th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I have a similar thing going on, I’m also 21 and would loooooove to get married! The companionship and stability sounds heavenly and I have quite a few friends around my age ( all tckids) who are planning it…YET I think the reason for marriage should be love, wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you love, and knowing it would also work. Ofcourse getting married should be ridiculously romantic, but you also have to think of the practical side of it; have you talked about the future, possible problems, your weaknesses, your strengths etc. I may be wanting to get married now, but I know it is for the wrong reasons. Marriage won’t fill the void up and you will be forever pressuring your partner to fill it. You have to be comfortable with yourself to spend time alone without being lonely before committing so permanently to anyone. You have to be sure your partner compliments you, but doesn’t complete you; you are complete by yourself. Lol I’m an romantic realist, which is a conflict of interests, but somehow(atleast for me) it works. Hope my advice helped
All the best!!
Kiki xxx
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